Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser

20-something: I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: mtrainetiquette

Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it's my half birthday in 10 days.

–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St

Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?

–45th & 8th

Drunk girl to hobo: It's my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!

–111 & Broadway

Posted on August 24, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Birthdays, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dildos and Vibrators, Drunks, Facebook, Fashion, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

These Boobs Make Quite a Pair

Two women pass each other on the street.

Woman #1: Saline?
Woman #2: Yep!

–St. Marks Place

Posted on August 9, 2021
Questions, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Women

A Smorgashboard Of Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to man: I know! I don't fry anything. I don't even fry my food anymore.

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: A very disturbed Newsbunny

Old Jewish woman to husband holding restaurant leftovers: It's a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Israel!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: What a waste!

Preppy guy: At least *I'm* not the one molesting fictional cereal pitchmen.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Girl on cell, talking loudly: I don't know what I want, but whatever I want, I want French fries with it.

–John St

Preppy girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?

–Times Square

Female new student to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole burrito-is-a-dick thing.

–6th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Catie

Posted on July 29, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Couples, Ethnic Food, Food, Girls, Harassment, Insults, Jews, Judaism, Junk Food & Fast Food, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penis, Preppies, Questions, School and studying, Students, The Village, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Are Wednesday One-Liners Funny Ha-Ha, or Funny-Peculiar?

Guy eating pancakes: Everything's funny in retrospect, like the time I got that screwdriver stuck in my eye.

–IHOP, Brooklyn

Ancient Greek civilization professor: A sexual act, in some sense, for an observer is funny.

–Hunter College

Crazy lady: All the prostitutes need to be rounded up and stuck in churches! (teen girl laughs) You think that's funny? It's not gonna be funny when you are in a hospital addicted to crack!

–Water St & Broad St

Girl to her friend: Wouldn't it be funny if human beings could only walk forward and backwards?

–8th St & 2nd Ave

Lady sitting with girlfriends: It's funny because I'm pregnant, and he doesn't know.

–Starbucks

Drunken Jets fan to friends in Jets jerseys: That's not funny. You want to see something funny? (grabs wooden signpost, slams forehead into it) That's funny!

–W 4th & Barrow

Overheard by: jira monkey

Posted on July 19, 2021
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Church, Crazies, Drunks, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prostitution, Sex, Starbucks, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

That's Your Answer to Everything!

White guy: Hey, you wouldn't happen to have any sunscreen by any chance, would you?
Friend: I'm black.

–12th St & 8th Ave

Posted on July 18, 2021
Black People, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, Race, The Village, White People

He Treats Constipation on a Freelance Basis

Dude #1: All the women in here are pretty unapproachable.
Dude #2: I’ll approach the shit outta them.

–Fat Cat, Christopher St

Overheard by: Miss Hellion

Posted on July 11, 2021
Bars & Clubs, Hook Ups, The Village, White People

Wednesday One-Liners You Can Dance to

Dude: He’s the black, blind Motown equivalent of Kenny G.

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl, while leaving screening of "I am legend": Okay… I cannot believe the woman did not know Bob Marley! I mean, that had to be the most unrealistic thing in that entire film.

–Fresh Meadows, Queens

Overheard by: hmmm…

Curly-haired chick: Has New Order become an okay kinky sex background band? Am I *old*?

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Poogins

Guy, standing next to guy listening to Journey on his iPod: Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me!

–2 Train

Dumb girl dressed like Scary Spice en route to the concert: Yeah, a lot of people think that the Spice Girls like, reinstated feminism.

–NJ Transit

Yale grad: Eminem has a wonderful sense of meter.

–Court St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: Justin Casement

Queer: We only stayed for 15 minutes, I’m not that into karaoke. And when a coven of lesbians start casting their spells to "My Sharona", I was outta there."

–Chambers & Greenwich

Overheard by: Grand Witch Muffy

Posted on June 23, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Disabilities, Ew, Jersey, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Insults, Kink, Movies, Music, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Philosophy, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Singing, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday One-liners Lunch Hour

Teen boy: Yo, I got the munchies, B…Yo, what happened to the guys with candy and shit? Shit was mad convenient.

–1 train

Overheard by: I. J. Meyers

Posted on June 17, 2021
Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Elevators, Fashion, Food, Health and Hygiene, Junk Food & Fast Food, Latinos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Retail Therapy, Sex & Relationships, Smokers & Smoking, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Times Square, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

I Wear Two Condoms All the Time for the Same Reason

Woman #1: I always wear two bras when I work out.
Woman #2: Two bras?
Woman #1: Yes, a regular bra under my sports bra. That way, I don’t get all flattened out, and besides, I look more natural, don’t you think?

–14th St

Overheard by: stephanie