Tourist: So what the difference between hummus and falafel?
Guy at counter: Well… one is hummus, and the other is falafel.
–Mamoun's Falafel, MacDougal St
Overheard by: Tacologic
Tourist: So what the difference between hummus and falafel?
Guy at counter: Well… one is hummus, and the other is falafel.
–Mamoun's Falafel, MacDougal St
Overheard by: Tacologic
Thug selling rap CDs on the corner to nervous Asian boy walking by: Yo, man, you know you want a CD.
Nervous Asian boy: (keeps walking)
Thug, hitting Asian boy on shoulder: You better buy a fucking CD.
Nervous Asian boy: No, thank you. (begins walking faster and turns to friend) You know, I could really see being friends with that guy.
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kay
50-something man to friends: Have you heard about Twitter? It's a new way of communicating in short text messages. Each message is called a twoo… No, a tween. No, a twain. No, a twat… No, that's certainly not it.
–Lobby, Off Broadway Theater
Overheard by: another electric guy
Guy with iPhone: I have to twitter! Does the girl with the room above the high line know she's topless?
–The High Line
Woman, while waiting for film to start: Joan Rivers just tweeted.
–Chelsea Clearview Cinemas
Guy on cell: All those food trucks? I'm not into them, but those fucking homosexuals follow them on twitter.
–Waverly Place & MacDougal
Overheard by: Sally
Unassuming hipster with group of girl friends: Sometimes I drink just so I can tweet drunk.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Middle aged woman dressed like a teen, hitting on baseball fan: Your cat could definitely have a twitter page.
–F Train
Employee: They tryin' to tell me I'm bipolar. I ain't bipolar; I just a overprotective parent.
–Chock Full o' Nuts, W 86th St
Overheard by: Emily B.
Calm woman: The thing about being a therapist is that, well, you're just a band-aid.
–W 3rd St
Dude, introducing himself: So, uh, my therapist thinks I'm ready to start dating again.
–F Train
Overheard by: Jenny
Eight-year-old with older man to cashier: He's not my father, he's my therapist.
–Deli, Upper West Side
Self-tanned woman on BlackBerry, pushing stroller: I'm gonna puke because you're not here with me!
–American Eagle
Overheard by: liveyourlife
Cheerful woman on cell: Oh yeah, I been getting mad nauseous on this bus! But I ain't putting my face near that toilet back there, nuh-uh. I'd rather get sick all over myself.
–Chinatown Bus to DC
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy waiting for n train: I just want to fucking go home and puke in my own fucking toilet!
–Canal St & Broadway
Woman: I come out of the bathroom after three hours of him barfing, and people think we were having sex! You think I'm that hot at 46 to go shag my boy in the middle of a party? And even if I were, I would have been gone for, what? Like, ten minutes? Max!
–Time Warner Building
Girl to friends: I definitely think gay vomit would be the prettiest.
–Perry & Bleecker
Overheard by: other contenders?
Gay guy: I like baby clothes more than babies.
Straight friend: Good thing, cause you guys are missing a vagina.
Gay guy: But I do like babies more than vaginas.
Straight friend: You like a lot of things more than vaginas! You like traffic more than vaginas.
–Bleecker & Christopher
Overheard by: Also doesn't like vaginas.
11 year-old girl to dad: Sucking on something automatically makes you gay.
–High Line
Overheard by: Kirby
NYPD detective, working Gay Pride parade: They've been coming out for the last two hours. And they will probably be coming out for another three hours!
–5th Ave & 55th St
Overheard by: Just Visiting…
Not very effeminate gay guy, near extremely effeminate group of pride festers: Suddenly, I don't feel so gay!
–PrideFest, Abingdon Square
Overheard by: proud dad
Man to friend: The problem with getting too buff is that people start to think that you're gay.
–Starbucks
Male fashionista to stranger on bus: And she thought I was gay because I dress well and stuff. (to another passenger) Oh, is that moisturizer? Can I use some?
–Hampton Jitney
Overheard by: Can't imagine why she thought so
Woman handcuffed to man, having romantic picnic with rose petals spilled over a blanket: I didn't think I would be handcuffed to you in a park telling you all of my secrets when I met you in a gay bar!
–Central Park Sheep Meadow
Guy to girl: You're going to regret it for the rest of your life if you get the wrong salad.
–SoHo
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Slender waitress to two large customers: Make sure you finish *all* of that! Especially the celery. That's my favorite part! (they look in disgust)
–Applebee's, Astoria
Yoga clothes-clad girl, loudly to friend: It is not a vegetable. It's a legume!
–6th Ave & W 12th St
Man to woman: So I sayz, "Lady, you're my cuppa tea alright, but I like the occasional cucumber, if you know what I'm sayin'…"
–Herald Square
Overheard by: Mira
Gay guy: I saw people coming out of the woods and I was like, "Aghhh! Corn children!"
–8th & 45th
Overheard by: i'd be scared, too
Sarah Jessica Parker's son: Do you know what kind of lettuce she likes?
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Brooke
NYU student #1: Oh, how 'bout here? Its 20% off for students.
NYU student #2: Yeah, but I will shit for weeks.
–Bleecker & Thompson
Patron to bartender goon: I'll have a hot cocoa, please.
Bartender goon: Cocoa? What the fuck do I know about cocoa?
–Diner, 14th St & 6th Ave
Headline by: Leary Blaine
Runners-Up:
· “His Mom Used to Give Him Beer Before Bedtime” – Vasyl
· “It’s Like a Hot Carl, but with Marshmallows” – I’ll have one straight up
· “It’s Like a Sex on the Beach, Only with Dark Sand” – Sandy Paws
· “Just Kidding… Password Accepted; Third Door on Your Right” – Dustin
· “The Same Question That Got Him Fired from Starbucks” – version
· “Unless You’re Referring to That Stripper That Used to Work Here” – Ramsey
· “Way to Go Glen Cocoa” – Mean Girlz
