Girl to cashier: Do you have any locations in North Carolina?
Cashier to girl: No, we only have locations on the East and West coasts.
–Store, Grand Central
Girl to cashier: Do you have any locations in North Carolina?
Cashier to girl: No, we only have locations on the East and West coasts.
–Store, Grand Central
Guy shoving himself onto a full train: Maybe if y'all moved a little I would fit!
Incredibly irate guy being shoved: Maybe if I punch you in the fucking face you'll get off this train so the doors will close!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McJensen
Man on cell: Well, at least my dick will finally seem bigger!
–Prince St. & W Broadway
Overheard by: Johnny
Puerto Rican lady on phone to pal: Yo, his dick was mad little, yo! My son's dick is bigger than that!
–Broadway & Havemeyer, Brooklyn
Teen on cell: And you have a small penis. And you're gay.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: And I Thought My Day Wasn't Going Well
Black gay guy on cell: I feel so sorry for guys with small penises. Here I am, with a 12 inch dick and I don't even use it.
–Penn Station
Man on cell: You're dumping me because my dick is 11 inches and it's too big? That doesn't make any sense!
–Lorimer & Maujer
Overheard by: was this a lame attempt to hit on me?
Petite yuppie on phone: Oh my god! It was so small I tried so hard not to laugh! But then I decided to boost his spirit and I said to him, "is it because it's cold in here?" (pause) Yeah, you're right, that couldn't have possibly boosted anything at all. Dinner was good, though.
–N Train
Overheard by: Mefisto
Guy #1: I went out drinking last night and didn't smoke.
Guy #2: Except cock.
Guy #1: Yeah, besides that.
–PATH Sation
Woman to friend: I woke up, and he was fucking my ear! Fucking my ear! Fuck. Ing. My. Ear!
–Walker & Canal
Overheard by: office peon
Girl on cell: So yeah, he just kinda turned to her, handed her some napkins and told her to prepare herself for a good fingering.
–New Jersey Transit
Girl in school hallway: Nasty little tenth graders having sex in the stairwells…
–Bard High School Early College
Guy to another: There's only three things people need in this world. Sex. Food. (pause) Yeah, okay, that's it.
–125th & Lexington
Student #1: (makes elaborate point with with ample hand gesticulation)
Student #2: Oh wow. You just made love to me with words.
–113th & Broadway
Crazy lady: Santa ain't comin' to Brooklyn! And I'll be drunk tomorrow, don't you ring my bell! (gets off train and leaves bag. 20-something guy gives it to her) Have we had sex before!? We should have sex! I like you! (doors start closing) We should really have sex!
–C Train
Weary mom with two kids: I'm afraid today is almost too much for mommy.
Toddler: Why?
Weary mom: Because we have to get Sylvia (motions to stroller) home before she falls asleep, and we're pushing our luck.
Toddler: We can do it.
Weary mom, sighing: I admire your spirit.
Toddler: What's “spirit”?
Weary mom: It means your attitude. Your confidence.
Toddler, with renewed energy: We can do it!
–Railway Station Platform
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Woman to security guard: Excuse me, did you see a man with a really large package? I'm looking for a man with a large package. Did he come by yet?
–51st St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rob
LIRR worker, yelling over tracks to another who is carrying huge bolt fastener: Hey! Nice nuts!
–Woodside Station
Overheard by: Jobee
Lab instructor, showing students how to breathe carbon dioxide by blowing into the test tube through a straw: Don't blow too hard, or else the whole thing will come up all over your face.
–Biology Lab, Hunter College
Overheard by: did anyone else catch that?
Very old woman to decorative hardware salesman: It's become such a problem–I just can't seem to keep my knobs tight anymore!
–Gracious Home, 67th St & Broadway
Mother waiting for kid in the bathroom: Billy, will you stop singing and just come?
–Waiting Room, Grand Central
Mother to six-year-old son: Of course I love you! You are my son, I love every bit of you!
Son: Even my balls?
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Juan Chung
Teen girl on cell: What?! His name was "food stamps?"
–Outside W 4th St Train Station
Woman waiting in line for a free iced coffee at Dunkin' Donuts: Daaaayum… It's crowded in here, like at the welfare office!
–Lower Manhattan
Overheard by: Matt
Thug (seeing the line for Dark Knight: Yo, this is longer than the welfare line!
–42nd St AMC Theaters
Overheard by: Angel
Drunk hobo in seriously bright yellow jump suit: Will you marry me? I got food stamps.
–Broadway, Astoria
Guy on cell: What? Yeahhh, her momma's been on welfare so long her food stamps bounced.
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: nycpuhlease
20-year-old girl on cell: Yeah, I got the dress, it was like $100. I tried on matching pumas and I'm gonna go back to get those tomorrow. Hold on, I have another call.
(pause) Hello? Let me call you back, I'm on my way to pick up my welfare check.
–M2 Bus
Greasy guy on cell: Yeah, there was this whole big to-do. They had all these little midgets running around–it was a whole Willy Wonka thing going on.
–42nd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Aren't They Called Little People?
Midget on mobile: Man, you don't know how tough it is, these little women are tough, they know what they want… Yeah, yeah… The are like tigers, they'll eat you up!
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: JT
Flyer guy: Comedy show, folks–we got midgets!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: BeccaGo
Guy: High-five if you like midgets and drugs!
–42nd & 7th
Overheard by: Shannon
Suit on cell: Yeah, yeah, we're gonna do it big for my birthday. No I'm thinking more like midget strippers…eh, I haven't decided what I want it to be. (pause) Oh yeah, sorry, not "it," "him" or "her." No, I think dwarfs have magical powers, that's the deal. Not racist, dwarfist maybe.
–Chinatown Bus
Overheard by: Evan
Drunk guy with group of friends: I'm sorry I hit you, I thought I was Irish and you were four feet tall.
–41st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Glad I'm not short
