Wednesday One-Liners Always Thought Slim Goodbody Was Hot

Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!

–Brooklyn bound F train

Overheard by: PoisonIvy

Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!

–1 train

Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…

–1 train

Overheard by: sara n.

Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!

–18th & Park

Overheard by: edward

Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!

–Wooster & Broome

Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.

–23rd & 6th

Posted on September 13, 2006
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Classroom, College, Druggies, Drugs, Fordham, Girls, Hard Drugs, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Psychic, Queers, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Topics, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Venues, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Have Gender Trouble

Old Jewess on cell: Carla is going to be there, too…You’ve met Carla…You met her the other week. She was the one with the penis.

–77th & 2nd

Overheard by: Joseph

Considerate guy: Hey, man, don’t burst his bubble. If it ain’t a man, it ain’t a man.

–Outside 10th Precinct, W 20th St

Voice on intercom: Sir, that’s the women’s restroom. Sir…Sir…Stop!

–Times Square

Drunk guy: Well, it was either a real ugly woman or a guy with man-boobs.

–F train

Drunk dude to girl: Wow, you’re the prettiest man I’ve ever seen.

–Women’s bathroom, Saloon, 83rd & York

Overheard by: Aaron

Little girl, staring at the Statue of Liberty: Who’s he supposed to be?

–Circle Line

Overheard by: emily

Young guy: …so, technically, I’m lactating. Technically.

–Central Park

Posted on August 30, 2006
Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Jews, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Penis, People, Places, Poop, Private Parts, Rack, Stall Spies, Times Square, Tourist Attractions, Upper East Side, Venues

When Publicists Get Into the Catnip

Mandy Moore: So, what’s the plan for the party?
Publicist: So, I was thinking, you show up at the party, right? And they check your name or whatever, and then, get this, a clown escorts you to your table.
Mandy Moore: A clown?
Publicist: I know, right?

–Elevator, The Archive Building, Greenwich & Christopher

Posted on August 22, 2006
A-List, Buildings, Celebrities, Elevators, Manhattan, People, Places, The Village, Venues

Why Natives and Tourists Rarely Marry

Woman: This book I’m reading says that string theory could verify how the world began!
Guy: Hello! We know how the world began. I’ve got a book you should borrow; it’s called the Bible.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Posted on August 12, 2006
Books & Writing, God Squad, Manhattan, Men, People, Places, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Starbucks, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Built the Tower of Babel

Guy: Hey! Where’s my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown?

–14th & University

Guy on cell: I’ll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing…Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing.

–Walker & Lafayette

Overheard by: Wolf

Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula’s native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research.

–Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: nosy cinephile

Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec.

–13th & University

Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans?

–Office, W 36th St

Overheard by: Evan

Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is.

–Tea Lounge, Park Slope

Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he’s Mexican by his eyes!

–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport

White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested?

–Walgreens, Union Square

Overheard by: Goldie

Businesswoman: Well you can’t kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much.

–I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St

Hobo: You’re not Polish; you just think you’re Polish!

–Tompkins Square Park

Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier.

–Century 21

Sassy chick: I can’t believe she’s moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she’s only known for two months!

–TGI Friday’s, 52nd & 7th

Overheard by: Shaina

Posted on August 9, 2006
Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Asians, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Cashiers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Death, Fashion, Foreigners, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, History & Geography, Hobos, Japanese, JFK Airport, Kids, Latinos, Manhattan, Men, Mexicans, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, Parents, Park Slope, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Students, Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Venues, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People, Women

Oh, Just Like You Bringing Me to Orgasm?

Texan mom: It says here that the French gave this statue as a gift.
Texan dad: Ain’t no way France coulda sent that. They ain’t got no boat big enough.
Texan mom: But it says here…
Texan dad: Ain’t possible means ain’t possible. Gittit?

–Liberty Island

Overheard by: Colman

Posted on August 5, 2006
Foreigners, Gifts, History & Geography, Marriage, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, People, Rednecks, Sex & Relationships, Southerners, Statue of Liberty, Topics, Tourism, Tourist Attractions, Tourists, Venues

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Big-Boned

Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!

–1 train

Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!

–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn

Overheard by: elwood

Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.

–Queens Center Mall

Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.

–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square

Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Melissa

Posted on July 19, 2006
A-List, About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Celebrities, Coney Island, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Girls, Gyms, Height, Infidelity, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parents, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Queens, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Times Square, Topics, TV, Venues

Another Teen Emergency. Call the Ambivalence.

Girl: I was like, “High school is over. I can’t wait to get away from everyone!” And then, thanks to you, I actually realized that I might miss some people. You, James*, Gabrielle*, Dave V.*, Karen G.*!
Guy: But all of us except James are going to St. John’s, and he’s coming here to Queens.
Girl: But Gabrielle is going to Jersey! Everyone knows that once you go to Jersey, your soul dies.

–Queens College campus

Overheard by: Peter G.