Good Luck Explaining This to the E.R. Doc, Wednesday One-Liner

Ghetto lady on phone waiting for bus: Ugh. I'm exhausted. I don't have the energy to stick my hands up your ass.

–Hunts Point

Dude on cell: I think he's the same guy who stuck the jar up his ass. (pause) Well, because the camera angle was the same, and the scar…

–108th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk gay man speaking to straight couple: So I'm at the wedding talking to my future cousin-in-law about how it's not gay if he likes things in his ass, and he said that's not his problem, his problem is asking her to cut her fingernails.

–26th b/w 9th & 10th

Female suit on cell: There was something going into that butt, did I not mention that?

–10th & Hudson

Posted on April 1, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Ghetto Chicks, Grocery Stores, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Marriage, On Cell, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners! They're Just Like Us!

Creepy dad, cheerfully, to seven-year-old daughter: There's only one Lindsay Lohan!

–Downtown 1 train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Jewish girl to friend: You know how ever since I got my shnoz done people tell me I look like Amy Winehouse?

–116th St & Broadway

Crazy black guy on bus, to no one in particular: Derek Jeter looks just like Robert Deniro, man… Just like him!

–N6 Bus

Overheard by: looks like paris hilton?

Larger reporter: I'm not going to save clothes that fit me before I gained weight in case I lose it. If I lose weight, I'm going to buy some new damn clothes. I don't want to wear stuff from 1987. I'll look stupid, I'll look like Mischa Barton.

–Midtown Office

Overheard by: you wont be mischa's size

Hipster girl to friend: I mean, I really like him… But he thinks River Phoenix is a place.

–East Village

Posted on March 31, 2018
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Clothing, Columbia, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Creepsters, Dads, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Hipsters, JAPs, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Names, Nose Job, Offers and requests, Office, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Physical appearance, Shopping, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Have Been Formatted to Fit Your Screen

Southern tourist: By the way, if you’re ever watching Law and Order, this is where everyone gets murdered and gets raped.

–Central Park South

Overheard by: Adam Schiff

Man lunching with buddy: No, I’m not a monk. That was just TV.

–18th & 5th

Crazy guy, through ventilator: Sonoco… Cablevision… Sonoco… Cablevision… Sonoco… Cablevision…

–West End Ave

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Trader on cell: Well, she’s certainly not MTV yet — not VH1. She’s more like 60 Minutes.

–Trading floor, NY Stock Exchange

Overheard by: Trader Joey

Hot girl to boyfriend: See, I don’t think ass sex is necessarily something I want to do whilst watching X-Files…

–Pietrasanta Restaurant, Hell’s Kitchen

Overheard by: Ta-da!

Enthusiastic hobo: What time is Desperate Housewives on?!

–Astor Pl

Man, after changing his shoes in a lively manner: What, you never saw Mr. Rogers?

–Jamaica-bound E train

Overheard by: He Was Quite Handsome…..

Posted on March 28, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

You May Now Kiss the Wednesday One-Liner

Woman: Just because I’m married doesn’t mean I have to touch him!

–W 32nd & 5th

Street preacher pointing at ladies in short skirts: We’ve gotta get them married! We can’t be havin’ them fornicating in the streets!

–59th & 5th

Lady on cell: I mean, there were some funny pictures… Whitney freaking on me just isn’t what I had in mind… I just don’t really want pictures of beer pong in my wedding album, y’know?

–Gramercy Park

20-ish girl on cell: Grandma, it is so important that you are at my wedding. I need to have you there… Dad and I were talking, and we’re going to get you a refundable ticket… Just in case anything happens.

–Chinatownbus

Overheard by: Kaiti

Man to friend: No, it’s over. We had the wedding planned and everything and then she never got a divorce.

–NJ Transit to Penn Station

Posted on March 26, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Christianity, Drinking & Drunk People, Marriage, Promiscuity, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Dirty, Sexy Wednesday One-Liners

Young gay guy in Daisy Dukes, shades and tank top, yammering away on cell: Is it totally acceptable to have sex on the beach there?

–43rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Anna Rose

Teen boy to friend: If I were a giant I'd fuck the Statue of Liberty!

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Henry

Chick to friend: As soon as I get over this yeast infection, I'm gonna bang the shit out of him.

–McDonald's, Times Square

Overheard by: Keep It Movin'

Black guy on cell: Penetration?! Penetration?! It ain't about penetration, it's all about sensation.

–E 4th St

Overheard by: girl named sugar

Drunk man to drunk woman, while making out against a car: Let's just go with it…let's just fuck on top of the car.

–Bleecker & Macdougal

Girl to the guy at the next table: Haven't I slept with you before?

–Stabrucks, 78th & Lexington

Overheard by: Ashlee

Posted on March 21, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Biotechs, Black People, Cars and Driving, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Height, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Starbucks, Statue of Liberty, STDs, Strangers, Street, Teens, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Reltney

Hipster girl: And he's always like, "oh god, I'm so hard!" and I'm always just like, "really?"

–Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU

Loud passenger: I'm so horny I'd fuck a potato right now.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: fingerling

Guy: I've had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid.

–Hard Rock Cafe

Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner.

–McCarren Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: kalbijim

Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we're talking about Mexicans and drowning?

–Williamsburg

Posted on March 14, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Death, Erections, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Horny, NYU, One-liners, Passengers, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

The Joy Luck Wednesday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: I'm sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!

–59th St & 11th

Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They're all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there's one English guy.

–Grand Street Stop, D Train

Overheard by: Justin W

Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me–I honestly can't tell them apart!

–Port Authority

20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: RedShikari

Posted on March 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brothers, Chinese, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Illness, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Trains Not Subway, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Moving to Florida Soon

Teen girl on cell: So, this weekend I have to go to Louisiana. Can you believe it? My grandmother’s dying. Yeah, again — she’s dying again. My grandmother is always dying. I can’t believe I have to go to Louisiana.

–Union Square

Father to four-year-old daughter facing American Indian in bear costume: Looks like Grandma, doesn’t it?

–Museum of Natural History

Girl on cell with boyfriend: So, what? I can’t talk down to your grandmother in front of you? What’s fucking wrong with that?!

–Jamaica Ave & Parsons Blvd

Overheard by: Rod-Rod

Latina on cell: What am I supposed to tell her? ‘Oh, my grandma’s dying and my cat’s eating her toes, and… um… I lost the papers’? I can’t do that… [After pause, she switches to rapid Spanish.]

–30th & 6th

Overheard by: avenueF

Creepster: I would totally marry my grandmother.

–Sly Fox, 9th & 2nd

Overheard by: Will

Posted on March 1, 2018
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Family Ties, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Completely Confused Wednesday One-liners

Well-dressed woman to passerby: Excuse me. Which way is up?

–53rd & Madison

Overheard by: Kitsune

Stoned guy: I think I thought I had a thought in my head…but I was wrong.

–74th S & Colonial Rd, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Becka Dash

Posted on February 28, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Manhattan, One-liners, Stoners, Stupidity, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Know How to Quit You

Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with?

–9th & 47th

Overheard by: wondering

Older queer to boyfriend: There's nothing like listening to Bach after having sex!

–W 72nd St, Record Store

Overheard by: I'll have to try that sometime…

(40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads "Big and tall active bottoms")
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you're in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that!

–KMart, Penn Station

Overheard by: RoverUSA

Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don't even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain't my kid.

–M15 Bus

Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents…

–86th St & Lexington

Posted on February 22, 2018
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