Bridge and tunnel #1: You can't be a germophobe in New York, dude.
Bridge and tunnel #2: Are you kidding? I wash my hands before I wipe my ass in this city.
–G Train
Overheard by: …fair point
Bridge and tunnel #1: You can't be a germophobe in New York, dude.
Bridge and tunnel #2: Are you kidding? I wash my hands before I wipe my ass in this city.
–G Train
Overheard by: …fair point
Girl in sweatpants: I kind of want someone to pants me. Just so that I can show off my ass without being a whore.
–High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Fabulous gay man to another: Ohmigod! I'm totally having a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants moment right now."
–9th Ave & 47th St
Teenage boy, screaming: I can't wait to get my pants off!
–Broadway & 52nd St
Man to seven-year-old daughter: Hold onto the rail so you don't fall. Cause if you do fall, we're all going to laugh. We're going to laugh really hard. We're going to laugh so hard we will shit our pants.
–N Train
20-something well-dressed girl to another: He comes home saying he won all this money, and falls asleep with his hands in his pants, and that's the end of the story.
–Bedford Ave & 7th
Crazy man, singing in deep tenor voice: Meow! Meowwwwwwww! Meowwwww! Meowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
–Cooper Square
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
White woman, singing: That's the way/uh-huh/uh-huh/I like it! Brrr! Cock-a-doodle-do!
–23rd St
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Thug, quietly to friends: Daaaamn, yo! I just wanta teabag that ho! (starts singing loudly) Come back girl, I juss wanta teabag, o, I juss wanta teabag yo ass!
–Outside Tech College, 31st & 10th
Woman in bathroom stall, singing operatically: I don't have a care in the world! (sneezes) Oh my god! Damn it!
–Actor's Equity Building
Overheard by: Natalie
Boy, singing: Vagiiiiiiinas… They're eeeeverywhere, vagiiiiiinas…
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Hobo, singing: I don't neeeeed no money! (pause) Well, that's not exactly true, that's just the words to the song.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Chris K.
Film student: There's subtext to butt-sex?
–School of Visual Arts
Girl, to guy: Was your dick *in* my ass? Did we just do anal?
–Lower East Side
College girl: And my butthole is probably a lot tighter than hers.
–LIRR
Middle aged suit: I think I'd really enjoy anal because I always take such big craps.
–Union Square
Overheard by: alib
Woman to friend: Did you know the latest teenage fad is butt sex?
–177th St & Broadway
Guy on cell, to girlfriend: I have such a headache in my balls right now.
–49th St & 10th Ave
Overheard by: Michael
Very drunk boyfriend to drunk girlfriend: If you can't stay here, talk to me and make this right! I'm gonna have to be a man, grow some balls and leave you!
–140th St & Broadway
Man on crowded sidewalk: Balls to butts, people. Balls to butts.
–Times Square
Girl to friends: I'd totally teabag him, but I don't got no balls.
–Brooklyn Heights
Teen #1: I can't believe you've never seen Rejected. It's all over the internet. You quote it all the time!
Teen #2: I do?
Teen #1: Yeah! “My spoon is too big!”
Random guy several seats away: “My anus is bleeding!”
Teen #1: Yaaaay!
Random guy: Now everyone on the train is staring at me like.Who is that weirdo? Except for you.
Teen #2, a minute later: What did he say about his anus?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Very upset girl to no one in particular: But nobody would ever fuck my eyelashes!
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Boy to another: He said he had to go and get a colon autopsy!
–84th & 3rd
Overheard by: Laura
Woman to husband: And I swear, she only has half an eye!
–Times Square
Older dude in sweater vest: It was considered the Rolls Royce of organs.
–111th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Middle aged man walking his dog at night: She had a shamrock on her face and a shamrock on her butt.
–West End & 77th St
Girl to another: Are you going to be upset if he has short arms?
–University Place
Tourist to boyfriend: Why are there so many humans here?
–Times Square
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this n train is very crowded. There is a w train one minute behind this one with air conditioning, legroom, and color tv.
–N Train
Overheard by: Thinking about switching
Guy: Y'all can't crowd up here! I don't want to name any names, but there's a baby back there that just got stepped on.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Samantha Chastain
Girl walking up stairs, suddenly turning around: Oh, nuh-uh! Get your forehead out of my ass!
–F Train
Girl on cell: And then she said "dammit, I'm in love with a 52-year-old gay man," and I was like "well, who isn't?"
–Astoria
Overheard by: AnotherFagHag
Man on cell: So I told her, "I missed you more than I loved you," but I didn't mean it in a bad way.
–6th Ave & 17th St
Overheard by: memzilla
Black student to black girl sitting next to him: See that's why niggas don't tell bitches they love 'em!
–St. John's University
Overheard by: naha
Thug on cell: No, no. I love your whole ass as issss.
–Broadway & Beaver
Girl to group of friends: Right, I'm so incapable of love because I think sex is gross!
–LIRR
Hot 20-something to another: Either he acts like he doesn't know me, or he is a total asshole. No wonder I'm in love with him.
–Union Square
Girl on iPhone: It's not like he's gone and, y'know, rescuing cheetahs…
–Astoria
Lone hobo: Thanks, god… for goats, people and buses.
–Manhattan Bridge
Woman on phone: Hi, honey. Did you find the frogs with the red eyes? (pause) Oh, do you think your mom will like the quail? (pause) It's 30% off, right?
–Lincoln Center
Subway drummer: This next one is called "moose call." it goes, "yo, moose!" (pause) Hey, I didn't write it, I just made it popular.
–Shuttle to Times Square
Overheard by: Media addict
French man: It's like doing a horse. Kick him in the ass and he will kick you right back.
–Long Island City
Overheard by: Sunny
