Wednesday One-Liners Have a Sweet Tooth

Hobo, to commuters: I’m hungry, homeless, and unemployed. I’m selling these candies for $0.25 so I can buy a meal. You’re all going to die, and you can’t take it with you, so give it to me!

–Shuttle to Times Square

Overheard by: Wondering why he couldn’t just eat the candy…?

Girl: So she was like: "Why can’t we have a candy corn background?" and I was like "Because you’re an idiot!"

–Starbucks, 34th St

Overweight yet stylish gay man: She had a hunger deep inside her that only a Snickers could quench.

–M101 Bus

Overheard by: Holla Back Girl

Mother to young son: You can get something, but I don’t want you to pick out no fucking twenty dollar candy. You ain’t been that good.

–Hershey World, Times Square

Overheard by: esgeness

Professor to student: I found out what they put in their brownies, I plan to use it against them!

–101st & Broadway

Group of high school girls to Mister Softee ice cream truck driver: Hey ice cream man! Ice cream man! Give us some ice cream! We’ll suck you off!

–Beverley & Ocean Parkway

Overheard by: A Radiant Sulk Ninja

Posted on June 4, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Death, Fat People, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Panhandling, Parents, Queer guys, Starbucks, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, Teens, Times Square, Weirdness

Did You Bring Your Camera?

Annoying hipster: Hey man, you still have that hook up for blow?
Guy #1: No man, he went under, I have a new connection now. Just go to the second bodega at the corner and ask the guy for a fairy dust pizza.
Annoying hipster: Really, alright man, thanks.
Guy #2, after hipster leaves: That’s not true, is it?
Guy #1: Of course not.

–Meserole St

Posted on June 1, 2008
Advice, Brooklyn, Cocaine, Default, Guys, Hipsters, Lies, Questions, Stupidity

Not That There’s Anything Wrong with Wednesday One-Liners

Dude on cell: I’m okay with it. As long as nobody slaps me or calls me gay or spits on me. Those are my three things. As long as nobody does those three things.

–21st St & 8th Ave

Asian girl: You gave me the gay!

–C Train

Overheard by: Jordan

Female cop to male cop: You a queer? For real, you queer? You a queer? You a queer? Oh, I didn’t know that. Okay. [Nods.]

–C Train

Barnard girl to friends: I don’t think he’s gay, I just think he has problems having sex with women.

–Columbia University Steps

Overheard by: John Jay

Man to friend: See, I told you this was a gay neighborhood, look at all the women!

–Montague Street, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: glekapolis

Loudly homophobic guy: Gay! Gay! My ass hurts from watching that preview!

–AMC Theater, Times Square

Overheard by: Lo

Posted on May 28, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Ass, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Coworkers, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Insults, Men, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Sorority Girls, Theater, Times Square, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Play Hungry, Hungry Hypocrites

Woman with thick Jersey accent, very seriously: I really need to get an accent. Accents are very important to people here.

–1 Train

Overheard by: McFreaky

Drunk man screaming into cell: Stop fucking yelling!

–30th & 8th

Guy on phone: It just really bugs me that she’s always talking to other people about our relationship…

–Bedford & 4th, Williamsburg

Overheard by: andebobandy

Aussie bartender with heavy accent: He was complaining that the burger wasn’t flat because it’s hand-rolled and not frozen. [pause] Fucking foreigners.

–O’Keefe’s, Court Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: NJH

Guy in wheelchair (peeing in a Snapple bottle) to friend: People are nasty.

–W 38th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Bebe

Posted on May 28, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drunks, Foreigners, Gripes, Guys, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires, Women

Apparently Superior Court Judges Don’t Take Too Kindly to That

Sad Latino dude: She said no.
Outraged Latino dude: What?!? How could she say no?! After all the time you spent thinking about her ass!

–Willoughby & Taafe, Brooklyn

Overheard by: jacob

Posted on May 27, 2008
Ass, Brooklyn, Default, Depressed, Guys, Latinos, Questions, Relationships

Wednesday One-Liners With Leather Patches on Their Elbows

Professor, matter of factly: In next week’s film you will see a cock. And it will ejaculate. I hope that’s okay with you all.

–Cantor Film Center, NYU

Professor: I guess I can’t trust you guys to write papers on something scandalous. Good thing I brought a pornographic film for later.

–Manhattan Campus, Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Norma Desmond

Contracts professor: So do you think Paris Hilton is a sucker?

–Brooklyn Law School

Professor to class, as he writes on board: …Moro Islamic Liberation Front, known for its acronym. [A few students get it and laugh.]

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Overheard by: Krisztina one of the first to laugh

Professor: On this index card I’d like you all to write your name and major, as well as your career fantasies. I say career fantasies because when you graduate I’ll see you paying off your loans working at the kwik-e-mart.

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Erum

Korean professor: Here’s how you calculate the intercept shit…

–NYU

English professor: You will find that English critical theory is the key to understanding not only literary perspectives, but also everything on YouTube.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: sromeo

Posted on May 21, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Creepsters, Cum, Education, Fordham, Insults, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Koreans, Movies, NYU, Offers and requests, Penis, Porn, Queens, Questions, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Words

Wednesday Doing-Liners

Socialite-in-training: So all I had in this stupid bar in Las Vegas is a vodka tonic and a whiff of cocaine and before I know it I’m making out with a guy that I distinctly remember saying "I don’t like you" to. Yeah… That happened a lot this summer…

–116th & Broadway

Yuppie: I’m in fucking Penn station, I don’t know if it’s fucking snowing outside. I hope six falls up my nose tonight.

–Penn Station

Student on cell: I mean, I could say there are people going into finance doing lines of coke on a Monday night and here I am, doing work.

–114th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Kid, walking out of middle school: Man, I could really use some cocaine!

–East Village

Model to friend about styling team: Yo, before I knew they were from California, I thought they were on coke…

–Crwon Heights

Overheard by: Cuttie

Yuppie to friend: No, seriously. He’s not a jerk at all. He’s a cokehead. You’ll love him.

–Essex & Rivington

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Friends, Jobs & Careers, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Lower East Side, On Cell, Penn Station, Rich people, Sexuality, Students, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

Which Came First, Wednesday, or the One-Liner?

Girl: As long as I don’t get that anthrax thingy I’m cool with the chicken.

–Elevator 112 west 34th st

Overheard by: Rebecca

Five-year-old: Why do babies look like chickens?

–Nederlander Theatre

Overheard by: Jordan

Man explaining menu to wife: You know fried chicken: the chicken with the crust.

–Virgils BBQ, 44th St

Overheard by: fish

Teacher, after seeing one of her seven-year-old students smell an empty subway seat: Sienna, there are 10,000 people a day sitting in that very seat. What do you think it would smell like? Chicken?

–F Train

Overheard by: Marlene Saunders

Woman to man: Everyone loves when you throw the chicken.

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn Heights

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Elevators, Fears, Food, Girls, Illness, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Teachers/Professors, Theater, Threats, Women, Words

And How Do Wednesday One-Liners Make You Feel?

Mother, to crying four-year-old trying to grasp her hand: If you don’t stop this behavior you are going to have to see a psychiatrist. [Child keeps at tantrum] This behavior is excessive and abnormal, and I don’t have the patience for it.

–Washington G Station

Stern bimbette: No. My fave dead therapist said that I need to make sure that I surround myself with people who are nice to waiters and their moms.

–Court Street & Joralemon, Brooklyn

NYU chick, calmly: So then I just had a teeny little breakdown!

–West 4th St

Woman on cell: So where are you? [pause] Is that "Therapy" the bar or therapy therapy?

–Manhattan Plaza Gym, 43rd St

Girl on cell: Don’t you think I’m a psycho? [pauses, laughs] Why not?

–Bedford and North 7th

20-something homo: Scientology is just like therapy except without the stigma of therapy.

–52nd & 9th

Overheard by: Trey Givens

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Gyms, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, Parents, Psychology, Queer guys, Questions, Religion, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Threats, Weirdness, Women

We’re Bringin’ Wednesday One-Liners Back

African tourist: All New Yorkers are sexy! That’s why I love this city. Everywhere I go, sexy. The cops, the people…

–Broadway & Chambers St.

Metro newspaper guy: Hey sexy man, take a metro and be a lot sexier!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Dora Watson

Loud freshman boy, entering cafeteria with more freshmen: And she pinched my nipple, but it was sexy!

–Edward R. Murrow High School

Overheard by: Kris S.

Student commenting on a painting of Mary and Jesus by Raphael: In this painting Mary has a little more of a…I don’t know, sexual aura. Her face is more narrow, I can kind of see her breast. She has her leg bent in a sexy way kind of like saying "I’m not a virgin anymore".

–Columbia University Art Humanities Class

Overheard by: Going to Hell

Skanky mom to three-year-old son: Hey sexy!

–Central Park

Overheard by: riana

Businesswoman to another: Who’s your sexy hoe?

–33rd St & Park

Tween girl with science textbook: You don’t understand cloning? Okay, let me tell you about it. It’s sexy as hell… [later] I stayed after class to get him to teach me about meiosis and it was really hot. I got so horny!

–F Train

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Education, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Guys, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Students, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Tweens, Visual Art, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words