Annoying tween: Oh my god, my dad made me use this, like, Salon brand shampoo. Oh my god, look at this volume! There's nothing! (two friends nod) And, guess what? It also smells like llama spit! (two friends look confused) You want to know how I know what llama spit smells like? My dad once got spat on in the face by a llama!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Lily
Subway philosopher: What's that?
Asian girl with Nintendo: A game.
Subway philosopher: A game? Ha! You want to hear the biggest game of all? Marriage. You heard of Grand Theft Auto? Grand Theft Marriage–you get a car and a house.
–Uptown F Train
Overheard by: Isabella
Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!
–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum
Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Emily Faxon
Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!
–Canal St
Overheard by: Canadian Girl
Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!
–Macy's, 7th Ave
Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.
–10th St & University
Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.
–62nd & 3rd
Suit on cell: Yeah, we'll be whoring ourselves out. But that's what we do.
–53rd St & Broadway
Overheard by: I wish I got a bailout.
20-something suit: Beating a redneck at beer pong while wearing a suit is the classiest thing ever.
–79th St & Broadway
Overheard by: next victim
Suit: Ahahahaha! Haha! Ahhh. Fuck everyone.
–7th Ave
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Suit on cell: C'mon, man, it's only 300 grand.
–45th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Kári Emil Helgason
Fat suit to hottie: Hey! I have money! (hottie walks on by) Really! I do! (she doesn't stop) Fuck it. You don't care. But I do!
–3rd Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Old suit to another, both laughing: I owe money, but not my money… other people's money!
–60th St & Lexington
Overheard by: J
20-something girl: I feel sorta guilty for illegally downloading "We Are the World." What's that Haiti number? I should text them some money to clear my conscience.
–LIRR
Middle aged guy to female colleague: It's really good and all, but it's only after listening to the lyrics that I got a little worried. I mean all she kept saying was "I want your disease, I want your disease." What is that?
–6 Train
Overheard by: Kishan
FedEx guy: I'm looking for Phil Harmonic. He needs to sign for this.
–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center Plaza
Overheard by: Rob
Loud Angelina Jolie wannabe watching band: I love this band, their music is like making love… Am I right?
–Terminal 5
Overheard by: Dani Cakes
Guy with guitar to naive teens: Yeah, music is the only way we can fight our oppressive, totalitarian government.
–City College
Overheard by: Stephen
Foreign guy to tall, skinny, black guy with dyed-blonde afro and goatee: You look just like Aretha Franklin. You look just like Aretha Franklin!
Afro guy: Thanks, man.
–Church & Reade
Established-looking black man: You think I'm ghetto? Girl, I can be ghetto if that's what'chu think I am.
Semi-attractive black female: (whispers something unintelligible that sounds like an insult)
Established-looking black man: Girl,if I was Jesus Christ you still be picking off imperfections on me.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Dominique
Young man #1: My man told me his girl was one of those.
Young man #2: Oh, word?
Young man #1: Yeah, I thought they were imaginary… Like Eskimos.
–A Train
Gossip girl #1: This isn't Europe! There are rules!
Gossip girl #2: Yeah, you can't just go sleeping with someone else's boyfriend!
–Bryant Park
British chick: I love my sneakers! They are designed to tone my calves.
American friend: Your sneakers are like the Twighlight vampires, lame and sparkly.
British chick: Yeah, but I'm gonna have the best calf muscles!
American friend: Okay!
–AMC Loews Kips Bay Theatre Movie
