5-to-7-Day Liners

Girl: Lisa went down on me while I was on my period. I decided just to roll with it.

–Frying Pan Bar

Professor: Let's all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same schedule.

–NYU

Overheard by: Leslie

Upscale female suit on cell: I'm totally on the rag, but you can still lick my asshole.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: The Trooper

Gay guy on cell: I'm so cranky, I feel like I'm a girl who's on her period and pregnant.

–Park Ave & 29th St

Big black guy, loudly on phone: Why you bitchin at me because I won't cleeeeen behind you? I'm not gonna clean your nasty period ass offa the toilet! (nearby people begin laughing) Bitch, even the people on the streets be laughing at you!

–123rd St & Manhattan Ave

Posted on September 1, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Laughter, Licking, Menstruation, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners

Before She Starts Stripping Again.

Five-year-old girl: My favorite part of the movie was the naked man!
Mother: Mine too, mama.
Five-year-old girl: Naked maaaaaaaan!
Father: Make her stop.

–Park Avenue & 25th St

Posted on August 30, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Film, Kids, Moms, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nudity, Parents

…So You Probably Shouldn't Insult Kuwait That Way.

Woman, gesturing angrily at new subway map: Did you see this? Look at this color! It looks like Kuwait! When I draw maps that's the color I use for desert wasteland!
Bystander: Well, it is Queens…

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on August 24, 2010
Anger Management, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Global Geography, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Strangers, Women

Yes, It Was a Sex Thing.

Annoying tween: Oh my god, my dad made me use this, like, Salon brand shampoo. Oh my god, look at this volume! There's nothing! (two friends nod) And, guess what? It also smells like llama spit! (two friends look confused) You want to know how I know what llama spit smells like? My dad once got spat on in the face by a llama!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Lily

Posted on August 22, 2010
Animals & Nature, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Hair, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Sensory Experiences, Smegma, Tweens

For a Homeless Drug Addict, You're Awfully Cynical

Subway philosopher: What's that?
Asian girl with Nintendo: A game.
Subway philosopher: A game? Ha! You want to hear the biggest game of all? Marriage. You heard of Grand Theft Auto? Grand Theft Marriage–you get a car and a house.

–Uptown F Train

Overheard by: Isabella

Posted on August 20, 2010
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Gadgets, Girls, Marriage, On the Subway, Passengers, Philosophy, Questions

Wednesday Buy-One-Get-One-Freeliners

Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!

–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum

Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Emily Faxon

Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Canadian Girl

Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!

–Macy's, 7th Ave

Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.

–10th St & University

Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.

–62nd & 3rd

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fat People, Guys, Kids, Moms, Museums, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Retail Therapy, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Tourists, Travel, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Boning Their Secretaries

Suit on cell: Yeah, we'll be whoring ourselves out. But that's what we do.

–53rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: I wish I got a bailout.

20-something suit: Beating a redneck at beer pong while wearing a suit is the classiest thing ever.

–79th St & Broadway

Overheard by: next victim

Suit: Ahahahaha! Haha! Ahhh. Fuck everyone.

–7th Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Suit on cell: C'mon, man, it's only 300 grand.

–45th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Kári Emil Helgason

Fat suit to hottie: Hey! I have money! (hottie walks on by) Really! I do! (she doesn't stop) Fuck it. You don't care. But I do!

–3rd Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Old suit to another, both laughing: I owe money, but not my money… other people's money!

–60th St & Lexington

Overheard by: J

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Girls, Insults, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, Prostitution, Questions, Street, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Make Beautiful Music Together

20-something girl: I feel sorta guilty for illegally downloading "We Are the World." What's that Haiti number? I should text them some money to clear my conscience.

–LIRR

Middle aged guy to female colleague: It's really good and all, but it's only after listening to the lyrics that I got a little worried. I mean all she kept saying was "I want your disease, I want your disease." What is that?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Kishan

FedEx guy: I'm looking for Phil Harmonic. He needs to sign for this.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center Plaza

Overheard by: Rob

Loud Angelina Jolie wannabe watching band: I love this band, their music is like making love… Am I right?

–Terminal 5

Overheard by: Dani Cakes

Guy with guitar to naive teens: Yeah, music is the only way we can fight our oppressive, totalitarian government.

–City College

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, City College, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Girls, Government, Guys, Illness, Internet, Money & Class, Music, Musicians, Names, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Sex, Singing, Stupidity, Teens, Theater, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

…But I Was Going for Macy Grey.

Foreign guy to tall, skinny, black guy with dyed-blonde afro and goatee: You look just like Aretha Franklin. You look just like Aretha Franklin!
Afro guy: Thanks, man.

–Church & Reade

Posted on August 16, 2010
About Celebrities, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Music, Physical appearance, Skinny People, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Jesus Only Healed the Willing

Established-looking black man: You think I'm ghetto? Girl, I can be ghetto if that's what'chu think I am.
Semi-attractive black female: (whispers something unintelligible that sounds like an insult)
Established-looking black man: Girl,if I was Jesus Christ you still be picking off imperfections on me.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Dominique

Posted on August 13, 2010
Black People, Compare/Contrast, Insults, Jesus, On the Subway

Compare/Contrast