Trendy hipster: We went back to his place and I ended up going down on him.
Trendy hipster's friend: What? Not a month ago, I asked you if you two were gonna hook up and you said “No way!” I call slut!
Trendy hipster: He's going back home soon, so I was like, “whatever.” You'd do the same thing, too. You know it.
Trendy hipster's friend: But… I'm a vegan.
–Union & Broadway
Little girl: Daddy! I'm so excited to see the rats!
–Metro-North Rail
20-something guy to friends: He couldn't drink because he was on antibiotics. He got a rat disease from a lab rat that bit him.
–Lincoln Center
Guy to girlfriend: I step on dead rats all the time!
–Mercer St
Overheard by: Julie
20-something girl on cell: The mouse was fed to the snake the night before, so when I saw it the next morning, I freaked.
–R Train
Cop: We had a guy down here eating a rat. I said, "You're a gentleman in society." He put the rat in his mouth.
–South Ferry Subway
Large black woman to friend: So like, he's totally gonna bring Randi's hot sister to the x-mas party! Score for Matt!
Black dude passing by: Ewww, you sound like a white girl.
–125th St, Harlem
Overheard by: Miss Ivy
Girl, pushing stroller: Jesus, it's so cold out! My nipples are like icicles.
Friend: My nipples are always icy.
–125th & Broadway
Overheard by: LeAnne
Out-of-town girl, smelling her hands: Gahh! My hands fucking stink!
Guy friend: I call those my New York gloves. Better get used to it.
–G Train
Overheard by: chris k.
Guy on cell: It's not like I take my ear wax, put it on my penis, and use it as lube.
–Queens
Overheard by: Jess
Friends on stoop: Bro, did you see that ass? I would lick the fart out that ass!
–19th & 6th
Middle-aged yuppie, about club in Las Vegas: And I said "here's our check, and if another pubic hair falls in our drink, you're in trouble!"
–Times Square
Overheard by: Scott
Boy in car to mom: Hey mom, what about anal leakage?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Brenna
Guy to friend: She said she was stressed out studying for finals, I didn't realize that meant she hadn't been showering. As soon as I got there we started "hitting it". It was too late when I realized how dirty she was. Dude, I literally licked a layer of crust off her.
–3rd St b/w Ave A & B
Overheard by: saffrosun
Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!
–2nd Ave & 4th St
Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure I don't like 'em!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: eternal student
Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it's you again! Why do you hate me?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sara
Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!
–Park Ave & 31st St
Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!
–Hot'n'Crusty, Upper West Side
30-something suit on cell: We live in an infinite universe. That means there are infinite possibilities. You are insignificant compared to the size of the universe. You mean absolutely fuck-all nothing, so get off your high horse and do what you're told.
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Megan
Guy on cell: Dude, so how much more time do you have in Russia before you go into space?
–Ave A & 8th St
Overheard by: Daniella
Guy on cell: The subways are like the planets. Generally they're in their orbit, but you never know. (pause) Really? C'mon, Mars!
–Uptown C Train
Overheard by: furf
Three-year-old boy to adult family friend: I love you to outter space! Outter space goes upupupupup!
–West Village
Crazy man straddling bike: Goddamn! I can't believe I missed the last rocket ship to the moon! (in high-pitch voice) It's okay, man! There's another one in five minutes!
(back in normal voice) Okay, man, that's cool. Roger that.
–1st Ave & 1 St
Sales associate: They worked with NASA scientists. This is what the moon actually smells like.
–Home Fragrance Department, Bergdorf Goodman
Overheard by: Heather H.
Drama queen: So we're so right for each other and we stayed up, like, forever talking, and then he kissed me. But don't get too excited; there's a huge problem.
Uninterested friend: Mmm-hm?
Drama queen: He's a Mormon. Like, his whole family is Mormon, and he kind of sort of believes in all that crap with the golden plates.
Uninterested friend, suddenly interested: Goddamn! Just when you think you've met the perfect guy, you find out that he's a Mormon. Shit. I tell you, those motherfuckers are everywhere!
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Actually, more like multiple-teenage-girl fuckers, but that just doesn't have the same ring.
