Silky-Smooth and Lightly Scented Wednesday One-Liners

Guido to another: She actually shaves between sex and shit.

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Belladonna Wexhome

Middle-aged Guido: Nobody gives tricks any more, only treats. I remember when I was a kid. I used to get shaving cream in my face.

–78th St & West End

Overheard by: jess_stang

Guy coming out of Beeswax screening: I will not bow to the hegemony of the razor.

–BAM Cinemafest

Girl to friend and boyfriend: I definitely prefer a female gynecologist to a male one. Mine is a really old woman, and she's great! She just says to me, "I am shaving you." My lips are really big!

–E 7th St

Overheard by: Evan

Posted on January 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Hair, Height, Kids, Medicine, Movie Theaters, One-liners, Physical appearance, Poop, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Got Game

Old queer on cell: Okay, well I'll be watching the Mets game, or the Jets game, whatever you call it… What do they call it when you men all sit together and can't talk?

–Broadway & 103rd St

Iranian tourist to street performer: We don't have a vote but we have a basketball team!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: RAR!

Subway conductor: This is the uptown "d" express train, making all express stops in Manhattan and The Bronx, including 161st Street, so the Yankees can host the Minnesota Twins. We'd like to welcome all Detroit Tigers fans riding with us–shame you couldn't bring your team.

–Uptown D Train

Female sports fan: A-Rod's back baby! Kate Hudson has a magic pussy!

–Pub, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: Pub crawler

Teenage girl to group of attentive friends: If leprechauns could play basketball, they would.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on January 27, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Fast Times at New York High, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Magic, Mets, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Passengers, Politics, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Sports, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words, Yankees

I Won't Blow Anybody Who Casts a Shadow

Trendy hipster: We went back to his place and I ended up going down on him.
Trendy hipster's friend: What? Not a month ago, I asked you if you two were gonna hook up and you said “No way!” I call slut!
Trendy hipster: He's going back home soon, so I was like, “whatever.” You'd do the same thing, too. You know it.
Trendy hipster's friend: But… I'm a vegan.

–Union & Broadway

Posted on January 21, 2010
Friends, Hipsters, Nicknames & name calling, One Night Stand, Street, Vegetarian & Vegan, Williamsburg

In That We Used to Throw Up and Nod Off Together

Woman to friend who just met and hugged a stranger: Who was that?
Friend: Oh, that's my heroin buddy.

–Myrtle Ave

Posted on January 21, 2010
Brooklyn, Friends, Heroin, Hugs, Questions, Women

“Not a Wednesday Was Stirring, Not Even a One-Liner”

Little girl: Daddy! I'm so excited to see the rats!

–Metro-North Rail

20-something guy to friends: He couldn't drink because he was on antibiotics. He got a rat disease from a lab rat that bit him.

–Lincoln Center

Guy to girlfriend: I step on dead rats all the time!

–Mercer St

Overheard by: Julie

20-something girl on cell: The mouse was fed to the snake the night before, so when I saw it the next morning, I freaked.

–R Train

Cop: We had a guy down here eating a rat. I said, "You're a gentleman in society." He put the rat in his mouth.

–South Ferry Subway

Posted on January 20, 2010
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Cops, Dads, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Street, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

All the Disadvantages and None Of the Advantages

Large black woman to friend: So like, he's totally gonna bring Randi's hot sister to the x-mas party! Score for Matt!
Black dude passing by: Ewww, you sound like a white girl.

–125th St, Harlem

Overheard by: Miss Ivy

Posted on January 19, 2010
Beauty, Black People, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Friends, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Race, Strangers

Someday My Prince Will Awaken Them With a Kiss

Girl, pushing stroller: Jesus, it's so cold out! My nipples are like icicles.
Friend: My nipples are always icy.

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: LeAnne

Posted on January 19, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Nipples, Sensory Experiences, Weather, Weirdness

No Glove, No Love, Babe

Out-of-town girl, smelling her hands: Gahh! My hands fucking stink!
Guy friend: I call those my New York gloves. Better get used to it.

–G Train

Overheard by: chris k.

Posted on January 17, 2010
Body Parts, Friends, Girls, Guys, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences

Some Wednesday One-Liners to Make You Lose Your Appetite

Guy on cell: It's not like I take my ear wax, put it on my penis, and use it as lube.

–Queens

Overheard by: Jess

Friends on stoop: Bro, did you see that ass? I would lick the fart out that ass!

–19th & 6th

Middle-aged yuppie, about club in Las Vegas: And I said "here's our check, and if another pubic hair falls in our drink, you're in trouble!"

–Times Square

Overheard by: Scott

Boy in car to mom: Hey mom, what about anal leakage?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brenna

Guy to friend: She said she was stressed out studying for finals, I didn't realize that meant she hadn't been showering. As soon as I got there we started "hitting it". It was too late when I realized how dirty she was. Dude, I literally licked a layer of crust off her.

–3rd St b/w Ave A & B

Overheard by: saffrosun

Posted on January 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Excretions, Farting & Burping, Friends, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Licking, Lube, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queens, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yuppies

10 Wednesdays I One-Liner About You

Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure I don't like 'em!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: eternal student

Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it's you again! Why do you hate me?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sara

Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!

–Park Ave & 31st St

Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!

–Hot'n'Crusty, Upper West Side

Posted on January 13, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Flyer people, Fordham, Free stuff!, Friends, Gripes, History & Geography, Hobos, Idiots, Insults, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Street, Students, Stupidity, Times Square, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women