Wednesday One-Liners Go Animal Crackers

Burly father to daughter, passing grizzly bears: I have no compassion for stuffed animals.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Tarah

Guy to friend: I'm totally going to try to hook up with a dolphin when I'm in Cozumel.

–St. Mark's & 3rd

Girl: I would love to have sex with a cheetah!

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Girl carrying reindeer head on bicycle rickshaw: It's not a moose head, it's a reindeer!

–4th Ave & 3rd St

Woman on cell: So are you still dating the tortoise man? (pause) So is this a good or bad thing?

–Bergen & Court

Overheard by: Staying away from the herpetarium

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beastiality, Body Parts, Bronx Science, Dads, Dating, Friends, Girls, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Stupidity, The Bronx, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Like You Did About That Whole HIV Thing

Teen boy: No, I can't hide a bottle there. She makes me do it with the door open. She'll see.
Teen friend: She's going to watch you pee?
Teen boy: No, I have my back to her, but she'll notice a bottle. Maybe I can use a Visine bottle.
Teen friend: Just tell her that a positive result is good and negative is bad.

–B1 Bus

Posted on February 8, 2010
Bus, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Health and Hygiene, On the Bus, Pee, Questions, Teens

…So I'd Rather Not Have My Rug Peeking Out.

Guy to friend trying on shirt: Open another button, man.
Friend trying on shirt: Nah, man, I'm not a Persian…

–Store, SoHo

Overheard by: a Persian

Posted on February 6, 2010
Advice, Clothing, Customers, Friends, Guys, Soho, Store

Nobody Molests Me Disrespectfully

Drunk girl to group of friends: And then he slapped my ass, and I was like, “I need to walk away.”
Drunk girl's friend: Why?
Drunk girl: I mean, it was fine for him to play with the fuzzy things on my nipples, but I draw the line at an ass grab.

–E 9th St & Ave A

Overheard by: sternie

Posted on February 4, 2010
Alphabet City, Ass, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Kink, Nipples, S&M, Violence

Only When You Mistake Krazy Glue for Lube!

20-something #1: Men don't kiss whores, they fuck 'em! There's no attachment at all!
20-something #2: What the hell are you talking about?! There's attachment! The dicks are attached to the pussy!

–21st & 6th

Overheard by: Sienna

Posted on February 4, 2010
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Friends, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Penis, Sex, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners Feel Like a Woman or Whatever

Asian girl: A tranny spat and peed on me last night… so I guess I'm okay.

–Screaming MiMi's Boutique

Overheard by: Nancy

Gay guy, after woman bumps into him: Did you just step on my vagina?

–A Train

College boy: So then I woke up and realized I was next to a tranny…

–Manhattan College

"Girl" sitting at the door: My panties are too small to hold my dick in.

–Williamsburg

Catholic school girl, carrying large backpack, to friend: I'm looking forward to leaving this bathroom a guy. A very effeminate guy, but still a guy.

–Bathroom, Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Innocent Bathroom-goer

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Catholics, Clothing, College, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Height, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Smegma, Store, Students, Trannies, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

Just for Starters, Build Her a Birdhouse

Thug on street: Hey, girl! You lookin' fine. I'm gonna do… things to you. Yup, lots of… things.
Thug friend: Like, what you gonna do to her?
Thug: Things, man. I said things.

–125th St & Morningside Ave

Posted on January 31, 2010
Beauty, Compliments, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Thugs

Isn't That the Heroin Holiday?

Guy to friend: you should come by tomorrow, I'm having a house party, there's going to be weed and meth.
Friend: You shouldn't do meth, it's messed up.
Guy: Yeah, but it's Thanksgiving.

–Bar None, The Village

Overheard by: Seth

Posted on January 30, 2010
Advice, Bars & Clubs, Celebrations/Parties, Drugs, Friends, Guys, The Village, Weed

Silky-Smooth and Lightly Scented Wednesday One-Liners

Guido to another: She actually shaves between sex and shit.

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Belladonna Wexhome

Middle-aged Guido: Nobody gives tricks any more, only treats. I remember when I was a kid. I used to get shaving cream in my face.

–78th St & West End

Overheard by: jess_stang

Guy coming out of Beeswax screening: I will not bow to the hegemony of the razor.

–BAM Cinemafest

Girl to friend and boyfriend: I definitely prefer a female gynecologist to a male one. Mine is a really old woman, and she's great! She just says to me, "I am shaving you." My lips are really big!

–E 7th St

Overheard by: Evan

Posted on January 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Hair, Height, Kids, Medicine, Movie Theaters, One-liners, Physical appearance, Poop, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Got Game

Old queer on cell: Okay, well I'll be watching the Mets game, or the Jets game, whatever you call it… What do they call it when you men all sit together and can't talk?

–Broadway & 103rd St

Iranian tourist to street performer: We don't have a vote but we have a basketball team!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: RAR!

Subway conductor: This is the uptown "d" express train, making all express stops in Manhattan and The Bronx, including 161st Street, so the Yankees can host the Minnesota Twins. We'd like to welcome all Detroit Tigers fans riding with us–shame you couldn't bring your team.

–Uptown D Train

Female sports fan: A-Rod's back baby! Kate Hudson has a magic pussy!

–Pub, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: Pub crawler

Teenage girl to group of attentive friends: If leprechauns could play basketball, they would.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on January 27, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Fast Times at New York High, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Magic, Mets, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Passengers, Politics, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Sports, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words, Yankees

Friends