Party girl: Did you see Mark last night? I mean, he was doing coke off a hooker's ass.
Party queer, pouting: I so did that last week, and no one even said anything…
–Third North Courtyard, NYU
Overheard by: this is why I don't want anyone to know I go to NYU
Ghetto girl #1: I'ma fuck her up! I'ma cut that bitch!
Ghetto boy: You gon' kill her?
Ghetto girl #1: Nah, I'ma cut her!
Ghetto girl #2: You can't do that, thas' ya ex!
Ghetto girl #1: Exactly! Thas' why I'ma fuck her up. She broke up with me!
–G Train
Special Collections Librarian: We have over 1,000 queer porn novels.
–Fales Library, NYU
Queer hipster on cell: Hey size nine, it’s size zero. Call me back when you get this.
–Williamsburg, Bedford Ave
Gay guy to friend: I may be gay but I’m not stupid.
–The Flame Diner, 58th St & 9th Ave
Woman to man: But they were only stopping the dumbasses… That’s why they stopped your dumb ass.
–W 66th St & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
(Blonde is having trouble hailing cab during rush hour)
Gypsy cab driver in town car: No one will take you cuz you’re stupid!
–116th & Broadway
20-something guy to girl: It’s eleven and it will take you till one to get home, then I’ll call you and tell you how stupid you are.
–4th St Subway Station
Overheard by: Glad I’m not dating him
Girl: Alexis, we’ve been over this. You’re stupid.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Crosby
Bimbette, yelling into cell: Yo! Look who you’re talking to–I’m not exactly the smartest person in the world!
–Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: dumb as a rock
Drunk gay man: I've slept with more men than my mom has!
–Ave A
Overheard by: Let his own mom win that contest
Woman to man: I don't want to be known as the whore of New Yorkers.
–9th Ave & 44th St
Woman on cell: It's just sex. There's no way you guys can ever be permanently tied, or anything.
–Macy's
Preppy, middle-aged woman, about man on iPhone: Who is that whore?
–Bookstore, Brooklyn
Overheard by: -she probably said
Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Poogins
Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is "Desperate Housewives" on?!
–10th Street & 3rd Ave
Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: "I wanna forget you!" I was like: "Whaaaaaat? For real?" It was crazy, you gotta catch it!
–Times Square Office Building
Overheard by: SUSAN
Redhead: The "Brady Bunch" world is a world without urges.
–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.
–On the Bus
Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: "I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van."
–15th between 6th and 7th
Overheard by: Disunionsquare
Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]
–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square
Hot chick on cell: Yeah, no… Like, I’m pretty convinced that Patrick* is, like, totally gay. Well, because when we, like, dated, he would always want to go shopping and take, like, the longest time, like always studying how tight jeans made his ass look. And, like, he told me how his best friend ended up being, like, uber-gay, and like, he would always say, like, random shit like, ‘Y’know, like, people you don’t even, like, know could be gay.’ I’d be like, ‘O-M-G — what?!’ And, like, the entire time we went out, we only had sex, like, once, and that was when I, like, lost my virginity… No, I didn’t consider it the official, like, time I actually lost my V-card because he couldn’t even, like, get it up… No, we were not drunk! I’m not like that big of a slut… Or at least, I wasn’t then.
–Chelsea
Man eating brunch to male friend: We both came out seven years ago. We are puppy gay in dog years.
–Big Daddy’s Diner
Overheard by: Morgan
Very loving mom talking to daughter about her son: Hey! He is not an animal, he is not a dog. Well, at least not today!
–Hell’s Kitchen
Outraged woman to man: What? No! Do not put the dog in the furnace, Ted!
–Court Street
Chick with cigarette, on cell: … Leathery fetish dog-masks, or just Halloween style dog-masks?
–Outside Tagine, 40th & 9th
Overheard by: Ladle
Philosophical suit: The only reason I haven’t divorced my wife is because of the dog.
–Upper East Side
Woman: …Then they gave him enemas until it ran clear. Now he hasn’t had a movement in three days. Should I be worried?
–Subway
Suit: Yeah, I just left a floater in the upstairs bathroom.
–44th & 3rd
Ambiguously gay actor: Flowers come out. Girls do not poop, ever. Ever!
–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU
Overheard by: a girl who poops
Freshman chick: I am so not in the mood to take a shit right now.
–Restroom, Hunter College
Cherubic blonde chick to another: You know that ‘BM’ means poop, right?
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Suit-in-training: Oh, yeah, I do have to take a shit — I forgot.
–NYU Stern Building
Guy waiting for stall: Let’s go gang, push it out! We gotta go out here!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: KeeZ
Foreigner: What was with those guys in Brokeback Mountain? Are all cowboys dumb?
Girl: They weren’t dumb, they were gay.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Sara McGrath
