Hipster queer #1: I brought you out here to tell you that I slept with your boyfriend last night.
Hipster queer #2: You are a bad bad friend.
Hipster queer #1: You've had worse.
Hipster queer #2: But not hairier.
Hipster queer #1: Would you like some gin?
Hipster queer #2: Obviously.
–Central Park
Overheard by: hairless
Girl #1: What did your astrologer say?
Girl #2: She said I will meet my husband in the next year. He's 6'4″ with salt-and-pepper hair. He has a title but he's not lawyer.
Girl #1: Yeah…and he's a billionaire?
Girl #2: He's not a billionaire but he does well for himself. Oh, also he's French but he speaks seven languages.
Girl #2: Did she say anything about me?
Girl #1: She said your life is gonna go from shitty to alright.
–Holiday Cocktail Lounge, St Mark's & 2nd
Overheard by: wax
Girl: I can't decide if I should wear my hair up or down. (friend nods) I mean, you know when you have to make, like…decisions?
–Bathroom, Columbia University
Very white middle-school boy, yelling to friends: He say yo' momma got a cheap-ass weave!
–87th & Lexington
Girl with huge curly hair: You see I, ugh…randomly wake up reaching up to feel, and see if my hair is still there. Then my subconscious is like "wait! Am I breathing?" Oh yes. I'm breathing!
–Chat N Chew Restaurant
Young teen guy to girlfriend: You see, I got hairline issues. You know, 'cuz when you get older, your hair follicles increase and your hair is less. I'm not used to my hair. It used to be here (points to his forehead), but now it's here. (points to the same place on his forehead) I got hairline issues.
–4 Ttrain
Overheard by: Megz
Nanny, adjusting ward's ponytail: If I fall, I'm taking your hair with me.
–5 Train
Tween girl with huge wall of hair: I look like Hagrid.
Older sister: You look like the lovechild of Hagrid and Hermione. (pause) Actually, Hagrid is too big for that to happen.
Tween girl: You mean his body size? His butt?
Older sister: (laughing)
Tween girl: Ew! (pause) On a Sunday?
–Central Park
Chick on cell: Look, there are only two people other than me who can construct a sentence that awesome: Severus Snape and Keith Olbermann, and one of them isn't even real!
–18th & 6th
Middle-aged man on cell: Hey man, guess what. I just saw Harry Potter's magic wand!
—Equus, Broadhurst Theatre
Overheard by: Kilfy
Chick on cell: Is he one of Voldemort's friends from high school?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Loud girl to friend: Because seriously, how many real redheads do we actually know? And Ron Weasley doesn't count!
–NYU
IT VP: This guy at work told me the ending to the last Harry Potter book before I read it. So I fired him.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Jason E
Woman at checkout to teenage son: I don't know…this shampoo smells a little too edible.
Middle aged Latina cashier, fingering her hair: That's why I wash my hair! So somebody will take a bite! Yum, yum, nibble, nibble!
–Ave A Grocery Store
Guy: One day I'm just going to leave a pube in your bed.
Girl: What if I think it's mine?
Guy: Ewww!
Girl: What? I bet my pubes are cleaner than yours.
Guy: What are you talking about? My pubes are squeaky clean!
–Third North Dorms, NYU
Random guy to everyone nearby: Yes, you are sexier than Conor Oberst–all of you.
–McCarren Park
Overheard by: Chris K
Beer guy: I got sexy beer for sexy people! Beer so cold it talks back to you! If you don't drink beer, you die!
–Brighton Beach
Overheard by: Damn, I'd better by a beer…
Little boy in preppy school uniform to Asian teenage girl: Mmmmmmm…I like sexy girls. I like them a loooot. (takes out imaginary cell phone) Mmmm, mmhmm…I'd like that. Ohhh.
–M1 Bus
Hobo to guy carrying mirror: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the sssssexiest of 'em all?
–13th & 5th
Freshman to group of friends: Yo, when Jack* first got his hair cut it looked mad weird, but now it looks mad sexy, no homo. It kind of looks like the Jonas Brothers.
–Bard High School Early College
Columbia girl: She was sexy, but she shouldn't have done that. That's so Adam Smith.
–1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Girl: Yo, I wish that shower gel wasn't seasonal. I mean, I know the soap smells the same, but if someone gets a hair on my shower gel I can shrug it off. I mean, I know you're trying to move to…
Sales girl: Less packaging, yeah.
Girl: And I'm all about being green and stuff but if I'm gonna pay fourteen dollars for a little tiny chunk of soap, I don't want to throw it out because of someone's business hair being all up on it.
–Cosmetics Store, Herald Square
Well-dressed black girl to well-groomed black standard poodle with owner: Oh, look at your nice hair! You work it girl!
–22nd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Tigertail
Middle-age woman to overgroomed poodle, as it takes a dump in the middle of the sidewalk: Ohhhhh! Charlie, that's looking a bit creamy! Yum, yum! (pause as the dog sniffs his mess) No, don't eat it!
–14th St & University Place
Overheard by: Bee
Crazy hobo in wheelchair, to small dog on leash passing by: Meow. Meow! Meow!
–Union Square
Large black man to his shaggy dog: Just because it's there doesn't mean you can pee on it. That's a nice bike!
–9th St & 50th St
Overheard by: EmGusk
Man trying to control his barking dog: No! No anxiety! Bad dog! No anxiety!
–St. Mark's & Ave A
Overheard by: french bulldog with narcissism
