Welcome to the Wednesday One-Liner Positioning System

Girl on cell, looking for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I'm directly under it right now.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Guy on cell: Yeah, we'll go now. Okay. Right now, I'm at 116 and Hamsterdam–Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a disturbing mental image. Yeah, exactly. River full of hamsters. Okay, see ya.

–116th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: That would be truly terrifying.

Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I'm on the downtown side of the street!

–East Side

Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I'm on the corner of fuckin' somethin' an somethin'.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I'm at the corner of Charles Street and motherfucking I don't know!

–West Village

Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we're at 7th Avenue.

–G Train

Posted on August 13, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Dimmer Than a Flintstones Night Light

Gay guy to friend: I may be gay but I’m not stupid.

–The Flame Diner, 58th St & 9th Ave

Woman to man: But they were only stopping the dumbasses… That’s why they stopped your dumb ass.

–W 66th St & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

(Blonde is having trouble hailing cab during rush hour)
Gypsy cab driver in town car: No one will take you cuz you’re stupid!

–116th & Broadway

20-something guy to girl: It’s eleven and it will take you till one to get home, then I’ll call you and tell you how stupid you are.

–4th St Subway Station

Overheard by: Glad I’m not dating him

Girl: Alexis, we’ve been over this. You’re stupid.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Crosby

Bimbette, yelling into cell: Yo! Look who you’re talking to–I’m not exactly the smartest person in the world!

–Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: dumb as a rock

Posted on July 27, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just “Sociable”

Drunk gay man: I've slept with more men than my mom has!

–Ave A

Overheard by: Let his own mom win that contest

Woman to man: I don't want to be known as the whore of New Yorkers.

–9th Ave & 44th St

Woman on cell: It's just sex. There's no way you guys can ever be permanently tied, or anything.

–Macy's

Preppy, middle-aged woman, about man on iPhone: Who is that whore?

–Bookstore, Brooklyn

Overheard by: -she probably said

Posted on July 26, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Infidelity, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, Parents, Preppies, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Store, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Then Pay Me a Dollar Not to Clean It

Hobo: Hey, can I clean the snow off your car for a dollar?
Girl cleaning car: Ummm, no way.
Hobo: Even when it’s cold white people are assholes.
Girl cleaning car, to passerby: I don’t want his smelly ass touching my baby.

–115th St & Frederick Douglass Blvd

Overheard by: Paula

Posted on July 21, 2020
Assholes, Biotechs, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Upper East Side, Weather

Because Mr. Cruise is Clearly Well Balanced

L. Ron Hubtard: Do you have stress?
Man: I live in New York, what the fuck do you think? “Do I have stress?” Fuck you.

–Times Square station

Overheard by: ichi gami

Posted on July 18, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Assholes, Flyer people, Insults, Men, Only in New York, Questions, Religion, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

We Beg to Differ About Kathleen Turner

Foreigner: She is lovely. But growing like a cow.
American friend: She is bit of a pork chop.
Foreigner: But she does not look like a man. Which is a good thing.

–6 Train

Posted on July 10, 2020
Animals & Nature, Compliments, Diet/Weight, Foreigners, Friends, Insults, On the Subway, Physical appearance

One Life to Wednesday One-Liner

Five-year-old boy to father: Is this an important life lesson?

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: A

Young Asian man to woman ignoring him: Hey, let's go get a falafel. Hey, hey–you live around here often?

–Union Square

Overheard by: serena

Woman, throwing McNuggets at man: Get the fuck out of my life!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Elliot

Frantic crazy guy: I'm gonna go have a seat in Starbucks and get my life together!

–6th Ave & 25th St

Overheard by: tbomb

Suit on phone: Well that's life, you screw people over and then you go to the Bahamas.

–Train into Penn Station

Posted on July 6, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Dads, Ethnic Food, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Philosophy, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Street, Suits, The Village, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

He Stoops to Conquer

White guy: I feel like I’m taller than everyone.
Indian girl: That’s because you are. Freak!

–Canal & Centre

Posted on July 5, 2020
Chinatown, Insults, Strangers

How Do You Think I Got Into Vassar?

Guy to friend: Go suck a dick!
Friend: I already did!

–91st & Columbus

Posted on June 27, 2020
BJs, Friends, Guys, Insults, Penis, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Thank God the Wednesday One-Liners’ Strike Is Over

Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Poogins

Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is "Desperate Housewives" on?!

–10th Street & 3rd Ave

Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: "I wanna forget you!" I was like: "Whaaaaaat? For real?" It was crazy, you gotta catch it!

–Times Square Office Building

Overheard by: SUSAN

Redhead: The "Brady Bunch" world is a world without urges.

–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.

–On the Bus

Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: "I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van."

–15th between 6th and 7th

Overheard by: Disunionsquare

Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]

–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square

Posted on June 3, 2020
A-List, About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bank, Black People, Buildings, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crazies, Crazy, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Homeless, Hootchies, Insults, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Street, Thugs, Time, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Women

Insults