Employee: They tryin' to tell me I'm bipolar. I ain't bipolar; I just a overprotective parent.
–Chock Full o' Nuts, W 86th St
Overheard by: Emily B.
Calm woman: The thing about being a therapist is that, well, you're just a band-aid.
–W 3rd St
Dude, introducing himself: So, uh, my therapist thinks I'm ready to start dating again.
–F Train
Overheard by: Jenny
Eight-year-old with older man to cashier: He's not my father, he's my therapist.
–Deli, Upper West Side
Man on phone: Wait, so she bit you? Dude! Wait, what? She punched you? Oh, you went to punch her? Dude, you punched her?
–Penn Station
Too young for final stage alcoholism guy: I totally held my own. I knocked the girl out and fucked the guy up.
–10th St & Ave A
Gangster: Next time I see him, I'ma kick him in his good leg.
–Uptown F Train
Softball-player-looking girl to friends: If you ever wear a tiara at your wedding, I'm going to punch you in the face.
–Wagner Park
Overheard by: mclaire
Young mother to others: Yeah, but you hafta be careful. You can't just hit your kids in public.
–Rivington & Essex
Overheard by: verbal abuse ftw!
Boyfriend to girlfriend: But if I punch you in the throat you will stop breathing.
–SoHo
Teen girl: Did you see that? I almost punched Ira's glass in the chest! That was awesome!
–AMC Theater, 19th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Katie
Announcer: There is a downtown b as in "brothel" train approaching 81st Street. That's right. Brothel.
–81st St Station
Angry hobo, after receiving no money: Well, fine, screw you all! The reason you ain't giving me anything is cause no of y'all speak English. They should call this the "e" for "immigrant" train.
–E Train
Overheard by: Matt
Dude outside bar at happy hour: He expects me to be a BFF. But I'm just a bf… No, I'm just an f.
–9th Ave & 56th St
Overheard by: K Melv
Businesswoman on cell: No… the letter s… "s" as in "shot."
–Madison Square Park
Crazy woman to herself: My mom always called me "a" because, when I was little, really little, like before I could talk, I would sing "a a a a a a" over and over. And that was the joke, that I knew the first letter of the alphabet. (shrugs)
–S79 Bus
Little kid, singing alphabet song: A – b – c – d – h – i – v!
–M102 Bus
Kid on bike: Hey dad–that Gap ad. Is that Viggo Mortensen?
Dad on bike, looking: Him? Noooo! (pause) Viggo Mortensen's black.
Kid on bike: He is? Oh. (pause) In Lord of the Rings he wasn't…
–28th St & Park Ave
Crazy older guy to lady in park with barking dog: Lady, you keep that dog quiet! That dog is better-looking than you are.
–W 63rd & West End
Overheard by: Beez and Newb
Guy in red shirt: You make me feel so pedophilic when I tell you about violating my dog.
–Central Park
Man on cell: You're always saying your dog is sick! "My dog has diarrhea! I can't come out!"
–Fulton & Broadway
Overheard by: would you rather she have it?
Black kid to white couple walking poodle: I've only seen dogs like that in movies.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Poodle Lady
Girl on cell: So I'm getting off the a and I see this tall girl and I know her! So I'm like "Sarah?" and she's like "I haven't seen you since middle school!" and she cut all her hair off and she's like "When did you dye your hair black?" and my hair's soooo not black! But I saw Sarah! You know, the one whose cat tried to eat my toes off that one time! So we talked and then there was this lady who was totally tossing chow all over the place! Hello! Trash can right there—hold up, I gotta go, I see a Weiner dog!
–72nd St & Central Park West
Eight-year-old girl to eight-year-old friend: You see, I love him, but I can't make that kind of commitment right now.
–Carroll Gardens
Lone suit, shaking fists in air: Why do fools fall in love?!
–Wall Street
Overheard by: poisonivy
Woman to neighbor, shouting out of the window: She's an idiot! She knows the man's a fucking bullshit artist, and she's in love with him!
–Hoffman St & 187th
Inebriated, tattooed man on cell: You fuckin' love me?! You fuckin' know what? That's fuckin' unreal, you know why?! Because you fuckin' don't!
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Cara
Sallow, skinny, melancholy tattooed dude: Looking for love in all the wrong places… That's why I was after her ass.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Girl on cell: And you're leaving with a butthole the size of a pancake your mom cooked! (pause) You don't want that.
–33rd & 6th
Overheard by: Gaunt
Ghetto fabulous teen boy: So I said, "What? Did you say you wanna fuck my motha'? Well I'm gonna fuck yo brotha!"
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Fiona
Woman outside store to a child speaking to her mother: What do you mean you don't like her? That's your mother, man!
–125th & Park Ave
Woman on phone: Hello? Yeah, how are you? (pause) So I didn't really deal with my mother's death because I wasn't sober then.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Laura
Man: Speaking of mother's graves, I want my urn back.
–13th & Ave A
Overheard by: erkala
Toddler, as mom wipes her hand on him: Ew! What was that?
Mother: Love.
Toddler: Gross!
–54th & 10th
Overheard by: aida
Partygoer #1: See, 'cause god gave us Jesus… but then he took him back!
Partygoer #2: God's a big Indian giver.
Partygoer #1: That's the real message of the season. But let's see parents teaching that to their kids!
–107th St & Broadway
