Little boy: Open the door for me.
Mom: “Please.”
Little boy: Open the door for me, please. You don't say please to me, mommy!
Mom: Hurry the hell up, please.
–Brooklyn
Crazy older guy to lady in park with barking dog: Lady, you keep that dog quiet! That dog is better-looking than you are.
–W 63rd & West End
Overheard by: Beez and Newb
Guy in red shirt: You make me feel so pedophilic when I tell you about violating my dog.
–Central Park
Man on cell: You're always saying your dog is sick! "My dog has diarrhea! I can't come out!"
–Fulton & Broadway
Overheard by: would you rather she have it?
Black kid to white couple walking poodle: I've only seen dogs like that in movies.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Poodle Lady
Girl on cell: So I'm getting off the a and I see this tall girl and I know her! So I'm like "Sarah?" and she's like "I haven't seen you since middle school!" and she cut all her hair off and she's like "When did you dye your hair black?" and my hair's soooo not black! But I saw Sarah! You know, the one whose cat tried to eat my toes off that one time! So we talked and then there was this lady who was totally tossing chow all over the place! Hello! Trash can right there—hold up, I gotta go, I see a Weiner dog!
–72nd St & Central Park West
Eight-year-old girl to eight-year-old friend: You see, I love him, but I can't make that kind of commitment right now.
–Carroll Gardens
Lone suit, shaking fists in air: Why do fools fall in love?!
–Wall Street
Overheard by: poisonivy
Woman to neighbor, shouting out of the window: She's an idiot! She knows the man's a fucking bullshit artist, and she's in love with him!
–Hoffman St & 187th
Inebriated, tattooed man on cell: You fuckin' love me?! You fuckin' know what? That's fuckin' unreal, you know why?! Because you fuckin' don't!
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Cara
Sallow, skinny, melancholy tattooed dude: Looking for love in all the wrong places… That's why I was after her ass.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Girl on cell: And you're leaving with a butthole the size of a pancake your mom cooked! (pause) You don't want that.
–33rd & 6th
Overheard by: Gaunt
Ghetto fabulous teen boy: So I said, "What? Did you say you wanna fuck my motha'? Well I'm gonna fuck yo brotha!"
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Fiona
Woman outside store to a child speaking to her mother: What do you mean you don't like her? That's your mother, man!
–125th & Park Ave
Woman on phone: Hello? Yeah, how are you? (pause) So I didn't really deal with my mother's death because I wasn't sober then.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Laura
Man: Speaking of mother's graves, I want my urn back.
–13th & Ave A
Overheard by: erkala
Toddler, as mom wipes her hand on him: Ew! What was that?
Mother: Love.
Toddler: Gross!
–54th & 10th
Overheard by: aida
Partygoer #1: See, 'cause god gave us Jesus… but then he took him back!
Partygoer #2: God's a big Indian giver.
Partygoer #1: That's the real message of the season. But let's see parents teaching that to their kids!
–107th St & Broadway
Little boy: When we leave, how do we know how to get home?
Waspy mommy: Oh! C'mon sweetie, you know our street don't you?
Little boy: Uptown!
–Saks
Overheard by: smith
Mother to daughter, at lion exhibit: And what sound does a lion make?
Young daughter: Woof?
–The Bronx Zoo
Mother: And that's why they're beautiful, cuz god made them. Everything god makes is beautiful.
Daughter, pointing to homeless man: Not that.
–104th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Jonesy
Crazy teacher to little kids getting off train: People! We cannot convene in this manner! Do not stand around like a herd of goats!
Sane teacher: Did she just say “goats”?
–F Train
Overheard by: Afraid for the State of Education
