Indie Girl #1: …I saw the Unicorns like in the basement for $3!
Indie Girl #2: You saw the Unicorns?! Oh my god, you are like totally my new best friend!
Indie Girl #1: Like I’m so in love with them!
Indie Girl #2: Do you want a cigarette?
–Bowery Ballroom bathroom
Overheard by: roxy
Hoochie: I thought you had a girlfriend! Do you love her?
Guy: She’s not here.
Hoochie: You’re just horny. Do you love her?
Guy: Are you horny?
Hoochie: I just had sex with three guys.
Guy: I love her.
–Bar, Brooklyn
Overheard by: J Intellect
Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you.
–M116 Bus
Overheard by: I hate the bus
Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty!
–Allen & East Houston
Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free.
–33rd & Broadway
Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all.
–Times Square
Overheard by: yearbookie
Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you.
–South Williamsburg
Overheard by: DanielXY
Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees.
–Central Park
Older, dirty-looking hobo: Hey, spare me some change, all I want tonight is a hooker and some malt liquor.
–Ave A & 4th St
20-something girl: Seriously! There is nothing better after a stressful day than stealing a car, picking up a hooker, taking her to the beach, fucking her, killing her, getting your money back and not getting arrested. Nothing!
–Underhill & St. Mark's, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Claire H.
Young woman to boss: If you don't give me more hours, I'mma have to start sellin' my pussy!
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Holly
Subway musician in drag the night before Valentine's Day: Be with the one you love! If you don't have anyone, then hire somebody! And keep your receipt!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Morning Glory
Musician on train platform: Everything gonna be alright! Get home safe, New York. Remember: if you see something, say something, don't keep it to yourself. And remember, New York, if you can't be with the one you love, pay someone! Keep all the receipts. I know what I'm talking about.
–B Train
Overheard by: Free Love
Woman talking to cute businessman: Oh I totally love, like, water and all that jazz!
–Newark Flight
DJ to crowd: If ya love ya mama put ya put ya mothafuckin hand up the skyyyyy!
–Hammerstein Ballroom
Crazy man in leather pants: Bitches, I seen it all! Bitches, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yankees game last night? I said, who won the Yankees game last night?! Can I get a motherfucking answer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all niggas, black, white, fuck all y’all white niggas [Pause.] Bitches, hoes, Cadillacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and respect baby for all. I love all y’all.
–A Train
Overheard by: Sam
Girl on cell: …but I have to go now -I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!
–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
20-something woman: I need more people in my life who love my knees.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: McFreaky
Boy: I’m going to have a business card made. Some finance company. Girls love that stuff.
–6 Train
Overheard by: oya
Guy: I am really excited about our trip to Germany in the summer. We have to make sure to stop in Frankfurt to meet my family.
Girl: I am kind of nervous about meeting your grandfather since your mom said he was a Nazi and I am Jewish.
Guy: My grandfather is just a mild Nazi. He only believes in the conspiracy theories about Jews.
Girl: Well, I don’t care that your grandfather’s a Nazi. I love you.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Cannelle
Homo #1: Look, I'm just saying that if you still loved me, you'd stop talking to your ex so much.
Homo #2: Hold on. Please, I'm talking on the phone.
Homo #1: Look, if you don't shut your mouth I will fuck it!
–6 Train
Man on cell: You still love me even though I’m a fatty?
–113th & Broadway
Guy on cell: You know, dude, I could totally fall in love with her if she weren’t such a crack-whore.
–11th & 3rd
Overheard by: Kaitlyn
Loud hipster girl: Shrooms are like love and happiness. You don’t find them; they find you!
–Williamsburg waterfront
Overheard by: could use all three
Idealist: If he really loved me, wouldn’t he moisturize?!
–Harlem
Overheard by: McN
Ghetto girl: Love ain’t got nothin’ to do with the way you smellin’ right now!
–Chambers & Broadway
Overheard by: AWAG
Middle-Aged guy: But if she loved me so much, why did she point the shotgun at me?
–57th between 6th & 7th
Overheard by: harvey
Woman on cell: You know that Susan already hates you…Of course she’s just doing it to be a bitch…I love Susan.
–73rd & Columbus
Overheard by: Will
White guy: Baby, do you know how much I love you? (rubs the most sensitive part of her eye)
Asian woman: (long pause)
White guy: Did you hear me?
Asian woman: Okay… You know what? I love affection, but I am not getting any younger and you're making my crow's foot worse!
–F Train
Overheard by: BJ
Man with beard to friend: You should stick with her. I mean, she's giving you her kidney!
–77th & Columbus
Teen hipster, commenting on girl's nose: It's not too nosy, but you know it's a nose.
–Starbucks, 71st & Broadway
Overheard by: Maddie
Girl: She just really needs that second body, you know?
–W 16th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emily B.
Guy yelling to friend: So I said "My rectum? My rectum!?"
–Broadway & John St
Guy on phone: No, bitch, you rub my belly!
–Houston St
Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Folks, I apologize for the delay, the conductor had to make a pit stop…when you get old, your kidneys start to fail.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Kristin
