The Least-Nasty Wednesday One-Liners We Could Find

Middle aged lady on cell: Lots of people say Dallas is really nice. Lots of nice people, nice weather. What do you have against it?" (pause) That was in '63!

–M79

Party girl to cool guy: Why can't you let me be nice? I'm not nice to anyone.

–77th & York Ave

Overheard by: UES Suit

Flamboyantly gay guy to crowd of girls at Pinkberry: You know, I was just trying to do something nice, and this is how you treat me? Fuck y'all, I'm gonna be the next President. (storms off)

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: scarface

Garbage man to another: Man, Attica is the best prison. High class. That shit is nice!

–81st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: eliza

Suit on cell: I wonder what his wife is like. She's probably nice, but rich. You know what I mean.

–2nd Ave & 88th St

Woman on cell: Nice people just can't tell if they're pregnant.

–W Houston & Varick

Overheard by: courtney messer

Posted on November 26, 2008
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Wednesday One-Liners Use the Safety Net

Teen girl on cell: What?! His name was "food stamps?"

–Outside W 4th St Train Station

Woman waiting in line for a free iced coffee at Dunkin' Donuts: Daaaayum… It's crowded in here, like at the welfare office!

–Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: Matt

Thug (seeing the line for Dark Knight: Yo, this is longer than the welfare line!

–42nd St AMC Theaters

Overheard by: Angel

Drunk hobo in seriously bright yellow jump suit: Will you marry me? I got food stamps.

–Broadway, Astoria

Guy on cell: What? Yeahhh, her momma's been on welfare so long her food stamps bounced.

–3rd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: nycpuhlease

20-year-old girl on cell: Yeah, I got the dress, it was like $100. I tried on matching pumas and I'm gonna go back to get those tomorrow. Hold on, I have another call.
(pause) Hello? Let me call you back, I'm on my way to pick up my welfare check.

–M2 Bus

Posted on November 26, 2008
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Hershey's Wednesday One-Liners

Drunken guy to stoned guy: I would kiss you, but you might remember.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Girl: And so he's like, "I kissed you on the mouth last night", and I'm like "oh really? I didn't know."

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: jaytro

Dude on cell: Yeah, bro, leave it to me. I decide to cheat on my wife and I end with some stupid whore who wants to play kissie-face in a fucking Newark parking lot.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Cute girl approaches frat boy at bar: I was going to pretend I don't know you, but I do know you, and now I think I want to kiss you. Is that okay?

–Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights

Latina girl on cell: Well, my cousin died two years ago, right, and on the one-year anniversary that's when I kissed him.

–Outside Victoria Fashions, 116th & 3rd

Overheard by: Chuckles

Older German woman with accent: So when she was little she used to take a bunch of sleeping pills and lay on the floor, and she wouldn't get up until someone kissed her! It was so cute!

–1 Train

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Columbia University, Death, Drunks, Family Ties, Foreigners, Frat Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Infidelity, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Latinos, Marriage, Old People, On Cell, Parks, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Stoners, Store, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Even More Fun Than Six Flags

Bearded man to hippie woman: I'm married, you're married, my ex-girlfriend's married, and we're holding hands!
Hippie woman: Weeeeee!

–University Place & 10th St

Overheard by: Murphy

Posted on October 27, 2008
Celebrations/Parties, Hippies, Marriage, Men, The Village

And You Should Be Grateful

Chick: You know, I call you and call you and you never answer. It's really annoying!
Dude: Well, I'm going to bed.
Chick: You're married?!
Dude: I told you that when I met you! I'm separated.
Chick: Where does your wife live?
Dude: We live together.
Chick: What? You're separated, but you live together?
Dude: Uh, yeah.
Chick: Does your wife know you're separated?
Dude: Yeah.
Chick: You told her you're separated? Or it's just understood?
Dude: Listen. At the end of the day, I'm kind of a dick.
Chick: At the end of the day, you think with your dick.
Dude: True.

–N Train

Posted on October 17, 2008
Breaking Up, Default, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Marriage, On the Subway, Penis, Questions, Relationships

Wednesday One-Liners for the Royal Family

Guy: Yeah, but it's not that hard to keep your mother from having sex with you.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: V

Man, seriously: If I could marry my daughter I would.

–Duke's Deli, SoHo

Random moviegoer: I have to admit the incest was tastefully done.

–Outside IFC Center

Overheard by: when is it ever?

Suit on cell: I'm in love with my cousin.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sean C.

Very gay man to another: I don't know, I'm just not attracted to him at all! Maybe because he's my brother…

–Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Lily Caulfield

Man shouting to friend: Incest free for a whole three weeks! Yeah!

–1 Train

Posted on October 15, 2008
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So How's Your Family? And When'd You Get the Dick?

Man: What the fuck are you doing in here?
Woman: I'm sorry, I just had to pee.
Man: Holy shit! I can't fucking believe it. The first time I see my ex-wife in forty years is in a men's bathroom.

–Picnic House Men's Room, Prospect Park

Posted on October 10, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Marriage, Men, Parks, Pee, Questions, Stall Spies, Time, Weirdness, Women

As Opposed to All the Non-White People on Growing Pains?

Old black guy #1: Have you heard from Sheryl lately?
Old black guy #2: Yeah, she married a white boy.
Old black guy #1: Damn.
Old black guy #2: There ain't nothing wrong with white boys! She married Alan Thicke's son!
Old black guy #1: She married Alan Thicke?
Old black guy #2: No, man…Alan Thicke's son!
Old black guy #1: Wait, which one is Alan Thicke?
Old black guy #2: He's that white-ass nigga from Growing pains!
Old black guy #1: Damn!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jess

Posted on October 2, 2008
About Celebrities, Black People, Default, Guys, Marriage, Old People, Penn Station, Questions, Race, TV

Your Relationship with Your Mom Is Way Too Complex

Drunken woman: So why did you decide to marry her?
Drunken man: Because she just moved in!

–Ayza Wine & Chocolate Bar

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on September 28, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Default, Drunks, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness, Women

Marriage