Wednesday One-Liners Go Chasing Waterfalls

Guy in line for the bathroom: Man, it takes a lot of trust to let someone piss through your legs.

–Angelika Theater

Girl: If I had a barbecue on my stoop, three queens would pee on it on the first night. I mean, you'd think they wouldn't, since it's a historically gay street. But I've seen so many queens peeing on Christopher Street when it's nice out!

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Donk

Really drunk girl: I have to pee so bad! I almost peed on the corner, but then I remembered I don't have a penis.

–14th St

NYU girl, immediately after taking shot of tequila: Guys, I have to pee, but I don't want to pee out the patron!

–NYU Dorm

NYU girl: I'm going to go see her! I sobered up for this! I drank tons of water! I could pee my ass out!

–8th & University

Short cop on his phone: Peed? You peed on the bed?

–21st St b/w 3rd & 2nd

Posted on November 18, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, The Village, Theater, Trannies, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I'd Ask Why You're Here, but My Eyes Are Getting Heavy

Guy trying to pick up girl: So where are you from?
Girl: Iowa.
Guy: Oh, man! My family and I almost moved there…but it sucked, so we moved to Florida instead.
Girl: Oh.

–Park Ave & 33rd St

Posted on November 7, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Pick-up Lines, Questions, U.S. Geography, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Break the Curve

Asian girl to friend: You know her! She’s the Asian girl — you know, the one with the eyes!

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: Chuckles

Little boy about Japanese man: Mom, how come that man is closing his eyes all the time?!

–Liberty St

Overheard by: galgal

Emo Asian boy: You can recover from drug or alcohol addictions, but there is no cure for Asianism.

–Weinstein Dining Hall, NYU

Drunk Asian man: Did you see that mosaic? It’s all wrong. The Asians were all one shade of yellow. What kind of art work is that? Look at me and my people — we’re multiple shades!

–R train

20-something woman: Being an Asian and being a tranny aren’t the same thing.

–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on November 5, 2014
Asians, Body Parts, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Drunks, Empire State Building, Friends, Girls, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, The Village, Trannies, Women

Don't Act Like You Don't Know What I Mean– I've Seen Your Apartment

Russian woman w/heavy accent: So you know it was arranged–like arranged marriage–and I marry him for dowry.
Friend, in disbelief: My goodness! For what? Like cows?
Russian woman: What cows? We live in the city! For money, I marry him for money.

–23rd St & Park Ave

Overheard by:

Posted on November 3, 2014
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Friends, Marriage, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Women

Stanley Was Delighted to Meet a Kindred Spirit

(short school bus is backing up)
Little boy (mimicking sound): Beep, beep, beep!
(cop car starts siren ten feet away)
Grown man (10 feet away from): Woop woop!

–25th St & Park Ave

Posted on October 30, 2014
Cars and Driving, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Weirdness

What? My Wife’s Not Attractive Enough to Sleep With?

Guy #1: Have you ever slept with my wife?
Guy #2: [laughs]

–19th & 5th

Overheard by: X

Posted on October 29, 2014
Default, Guys, Infidelity, Marriage, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Sex, Weirdness

Hella Good Wednesday One-Liners

Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.

–C Train

Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.

–23rd & 5th

Overheard by: Louisa

Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!

–93rd St, Bay Ridge

Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BK

Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Celia

Posted on October 26, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Clothing, Crazies, Crazy, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Insults, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Satan, Street, Stupidity, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Um, Will We Still Be Family?

Tourist: Could you give us directions to Olive Garden?
NYer: No, but I could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant.

–23th & 5th

Posted on October 25, 2014
Directions, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Tourists

Topless Is So Pre-Menopause

Woman: That’s a nice shirt!
Friend: Thanks! I never wear shirts — I think I’ll start wearing them more often!

–Restaurant, Gramercy

Posted on October 22, 2014
Clothing, Compliments, Ladies Who Lunch, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Restaurants & Cafes

Stomach Insurgents Attacked the Screen

Guy #1 discussing recent State of the Union address: So, one person takes a drink every time he says ‘America,’ and the other person takes a drink every time he says ‘Iraq.’
Guy #2: Whoa…

–24th & 6th

Overheard by: erin

Posted on October 22, 2014
Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Iraq, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Politics, War, Words

Murray Hill and Gramercy

Stanley Was Delighted to Meet a Kindred Spirit