Cop: All right guy, you have two options–
Old man: Let me guess, you gonna lock me up? Man, I go to jail like summer camp.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Toon
Cop: All right guy, you have two options–
Old man: Let me guess, you gonna lock me up? Man, I go to jail like summer camp.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Toon
Thug to friend: That bitch looked up at me and said, "Damn, your dick tastes like coffee."
–86th St & Lexington
Overheard by: TINA
Female suit to other: Duane Reade is like the Starbucks of drugstores!
–Duane Reade
Old lady with shopping cart, exiting voting booth: Where's my Starbucks coupon?
–PS163, Bath Beach, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Torgo61
Guy on cell: Hey, bro! I'm having coffee and a bagel. (pause) No, an animal did not have to die for me to have this coffee!
–Arthur Avenue
Overheard by: eternal student
Man with heavy Indian accent holding a cup of Starbucks coffee: No, the most expensive coffee in the world is coffee beans eaten and then pooped out by a cat. It's $120 a cup.
–Elevator, 7th Ave & 31st St
Old lady: Oh! That’s a cute dog, what’s his name?
Woman: Billy.
Old lady: Oh really? It’s not Rover? Most people name their dogs Rover.
–Foodtown, Sunnyside
Overheard by: Nate B
Old lady #1: So, they put you on a slab and the coroner washes your body, like if you were all dirty if you died in an accident.
Old lady #2: They take your clothes off?
Old lady #1: Of course!
Old lady #2: I don’t think I want a strange man looking and washing my cooch!
–Bay Ridge
Small boy to grandfather schlepping packages: That's not the problem…you are!
Grandfather: I'm the problem?
Small boy, wailing: Yes!
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Suze V
Very Jewish lady behind deli counter: So, how have you been?
Very old Jewish man: Oh, I'm still here.
–Zabar's Deli
Girl to friend: You have to stop setting your brother on fire.
–Broadway
Overheard by: sandm
Student to professor: Urinating on fire? What the hell, Freud?
–Wagner College, Staten Island
Tool on cell: If burning leaves in the schoolyard is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!
–E 44th St & 2nd Ave
Blond woman: And that was the night I burned my eyebrows off!
–Union Square
Some guy: I spent all of last night searching my body for it, but I promise you if I find it, I’ll burn it.
–The Village
Older woman at art gallery, looking at the price list: That burns my ass. Sorry, but that burns my ass.
–57th St
Man handing out his CD: Scuze me, you like authentic Latino music? (woman flinches)
I ain't gonna bite you. Neither is the CD. Unless you're bitten with the sweet beat of salsa.
–2 Train
Older guy to younger date: So last night, right, I was a little drunker than I wanted to be and I was listening to those Beethoven and Mozart symphonies to, you know, really try to hear the difference between them…
–Uptown A Train
Woman walking out of a Chekhov play: Ugh! That was like taking a Tchaikovsky and playing it as if it were a Beeeeeethoven.
–Theatre District
Overheard by: Greer Feick
Happy older musician: I'm playing at the memorial concert for Ricky B*. Johnny T* was going to do it, but he died. I'm the go-to replacement when someone scheduled to play at a tribute concert dies.
–19th & 7th
Overheard by: tycho anomaly
Man on cell: Did you get the tickets? (pause) Eighty dollars to see a green bitch sing!?
–Chineese Restaurant, Columbus Ave
Suit on cell: No, I’m not coming in today…I’m on the Upper East Side. There’s all this traffic from the Pope’s "Don’t sodomize the kids" world tour.
–83rd & Lex
Guy at bar: Most Popes hate Jews.
–6th and D
Gamer kid: Yeah, I was in DC this weekend with the Pope… Yeah, I saw that muthafucka.
–218th & Park Terrace West
Overheard by: Kelley
Old lady, about young girl: Oh, she looks nice. She’s wearing Pope shoes.
–Carmine St
Overheard by: arctinus
Officer to old lady: Hey, don't leave you bag on the floor, there are terrorist everywhere.
–45th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: StriderNo9
Suit on cell: So you're gonna vote for a Muslim and a terrorist?
–MoMA
Hipster to friend: Yeah, terrorists totally love Bush.
–46th and 9th
Overheard by: choosing not to capitalize the B
Tourist: Are you guys terrorists?
–Rally for Gaza, 42nd & 7th
Overheard by: ooga booga
Loud black queer teen: But his best joke was like "What do you call people who hate ketchup?" (no response) "Al-Qaeda!" (bursts out laughing) Get it? It's funny because they don't have ketchup in Iraq!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ketchup lover
