It's a Small Wednesday One-liner, After All.

Hipster teenage girl: Holy crap, there's a midget! I love seeing midgets in the city. I always text my friends and say "there's a midget following me!"

–Central Park

Woman on cell: You and me can't eat twice. Midgets can eat twice. (pause) And babies can eat twice too!

–5th Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Kody

Theater teacher: Even though he was under four feet and she was over six feet, it wasn't that weird. I mean, that scene with the deep kissing, when the whole crew is watching, that was kind of… hot. (pause) No, no, I mean, I wasn't sitting there being like, "wow, this midget really turns me on!" I don't go on giantess. Come in my spare time…

–Hunter College High School

Sexy guy: Don't pretend you've never wondered what it would look like to see midgets make 600 chocolate casino dice.

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on July 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Food, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Height, Hipsters, Horny, Hunter, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Sorriest Wednesday One-Liners in Town

Girl on cell: Listen, Alice, I just wanted to call and tell you that I am really, really sorry about the pop-tarts.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Conductor: This is where they tell me what the problem is, so you can stick with me or abandon ship, but either way I'm sorry for the mind-numbing delays.

–Delayed 6 Train

Overheard by: Frankie

Guy on cell: I'm trying to apolo… shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up. (pause) I'm trying to… stop talking! Just stop talking! (pause) Say "okay." I told you to stop talking. Say "okay." Shut the fuck up!

–Union Square

Overheard by: tracy

Conductor: We are delayed because of train traffic ahead of us. Thank you for your inconvenience and sorry for your cooperation.

–Downtown F Frain

Overheard by: Ben Black

Posted on July 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Conductors, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Girls, Guys, Insults, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Queens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

We Pause for a Wednesday One-Liners Public Service Announcement

Girl on cell: Yeah, the breakup was tough, but I'm feeling good about it now! (pause) Hell, yes, I'm dating! (pause) Yeah, it's an exciting time! So much suspense, so many questions! Will he call me? Whom should I choose? Does he like me? Do I have syphilis?

–M4 Bus

Overheard by: All good questions

Drunk gay guy who just dropped lit cigarette: Shit! If I pick this up, do I have herpes?

–Waverly & University Place

Guy to friend: Nietzsche had syphilis… Why can't I?

–G Train

Woman at newsstand: Do you sell anything for herpes and cold sores?

–W 4th St

Overheard by: wow…i didnt kno they sold that her

Gay man to girlfriend: Is Mr Syphilis coming?

–24th & 2nd

Overheard by: erkala

Posted on July 21, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Illness, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Philosophy, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Smoking, STDs, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now

Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?

–St Mark's & Ave A

Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'!

–Delancey St

Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?

–Times Square

Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.

–Jane & 4th St

Overheard by: M Tod

Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs?

–The Diana Center, Barnard College

Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that!

–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on July 21, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B-List, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Family Ties, Flyer people, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Laughter, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Street, Teachers/Professors, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Get “The Girlfriend Experience”

Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!

–East Village

Overheard by: Matty Mac

Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!

–Brooklyn

Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?

–Mulberry

Overheard by: nina

Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."

–6 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!

–Astoria

Posted on July 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Guidos, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Prison, Prostitution, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Store, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Have Wood.

Teenage boy: You know, if you think about it, violins are basically just giant condoms.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Older man on cell walking two giant dogs: She has a great body… When she sits, it's like a German violinist.

–Thompson Square Park

Mother to young daughter: Even if she was tired and cranky, she still shouldn't have hit you on the shoulder with a violin.

–Ave A & 6th St

Woman on cell: Let's go see the one about the transsexual violinists. (pause, yelling louder) Violinists! The transsexual violin players. Violin! (pause) You didn't say "violin"? Just transsexuals? (pause) Did you say "violence"? (pause) No? (pause) I'm not hungover!

–J Train

Posted on July 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Instruments, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Queens, Teens, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

Tragically Hip Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster girl to friend: I told her it was the wrong kind of plaid. Not all flannels are equal.

–Bowery & Bleecker

Overheard by: but lumberjacks are supposed to be burly men!

Hipster to another: And I was like "Do you want some nail polish for that camel toe?"

–2nd Ave

Overheard by: Shan

Hipster guy singing to self in country twang: Whennnn am I gonna get me sommmme Ugg boooooots?

–4th Ave & 13th St

Hipster guy in eyeliner and mascara: I was being facetious… I would not wear leggings.

–Jamba Juice, 13th St & University

Overheard by: helenathegreat

Hipster girl screaming on cell: I want you to want me to want to touch you!

–Columbus Circle

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Hipsters, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Shoes, Singing, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners and the Law Of the Harvest

Older black woman on cell, screaming: There are no leaves on the floor. No! No fucking leaves on the floor. The fucking leaves are green and still in the trees. Did you hear me?

–7th Ave & W 18th

Ghetto Spanish chick on cell: Oh my god, you got your tree? A pink tree!? Say, word… I'ma come by after work to see your pink tree. I never seen a pink tree before! Is it real?

–4 Train

Overheard by: DCBX

Sad 13-year-old to friend, in total seriousness: Right now… Here in social studies… My FarmVille crops are dying!

–Middle school, Coney Island

Blonde hipster to blonder hipster: So I told her, "you can take everything, but at least leave me the front lawn."

–Gramercy

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Coney Island, Death, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Hipsters, Insults, Latinos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, School, Teens, Trees and plants, Wednesday One-Liners

Fun Game: Drink Every Time They Say “Fuck”.

Suit on train to giant loud Hawaiian guy on cell: Hey, would you keep it down?
Loud Hawaiian giant: Fuck you, you're prejudiced! I wasn't loud.
Suit: You woke me up! And what's this prejudiced thing, are you Jewish?
Hawaiian giant: Fuck you ! I ain't goin' to jail! Fuck jail!

–NJT Train into Penn Station

Posted on June 29, 2010
Cell Phone, Insults, Judaism, On Cell, Passengers, Penn Station, Prison, Questions, Suits, Trains Not Subway

Like We'd Name a Street For That Guy

Woman on cell inside bus: Yeah, I'm in Kissinger Boulevard.
Bus driver: It's Kissena, hon.
Woman: I ain't talkin to you! (pause) Anyway, sorry… Kissinger. Yeah.

–Q25 Bus, Flushing

Posted on June 28, 2010
Brooklyn, Bus, Bus Drivers, Comebacks, Directions, Names, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Bus, Passengers, Public Transportation

On Cell

Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now