Wednesday One-liners Are Koo Koo

Hobo: Was it right to be kicked out of a house for being an adult with a child mind? You don’t get it, lady. There’s a whole house of adults with child minds. Whatever. See ya! Wouldn’t want to be ya!

–F train

Queer: He totally has to understand that he’s crazy and that those Martha Stewart people are crazy too!

–27th street office

Crazy lady: Well, I think you should give me my musical instruments back because I know that you’ve been stealing them every day for the last nine years. Yes, I’m sure! I have proof. You see, that’s not music. That’s not rock and roll. That’s just crazy.

–Bedford Avenue station

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Crazy man: I already told you I don’t have no chicken. Besides, I gave you that tree last week.

–54th & 11th

Crazy woman: I’ve got demons behind me, shit next to me, and the ugly ones in front of me. I need an angel above me.

–World Financial Center

Overheard by: Dr. Ballon

Crazy bag lady: Stay away from the people! Stay away from the idiot Mexicans!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Suit: …and I swear to God, man, the whole time? That creepy deaf-mute babysitter from across the hall?…is watching me.

–46th & 8th

Overheard by: ballpeen hammer

Crazy lady: I don’t believe this. Pussyass son of a fucking faggot!

–Lexington & 23rd

Hobo: Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you!

–19th between 7th & 8th

Posted on June 5, 2015
A-List, About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Bag ladies, Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Disabilities, Food, Hobos, Insults, Latinos, Lower Manhattan, Manhattan, Mexicans, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, On the Subway, Paranoia, Penis, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Queers, Religion, Suits, Topics, Union Square and East Village

She Says I Have to Stop Doing That at Parties

Girl #1: Cause our school gets to have three day field trips, but my mom never lets me go cause she's afraid I'll get raped, robbed, killed, or something like that. It's so unfair!
Girl #2: You tell her, “mom! I'm grown up! Look at my breasts!”

–49th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Potato

Posted on June 3, 2015
Age/Aging, Brooklyn, Default, Education, Fears, Girls, Private Parts, Violence

He’ll Grow into Them

Female coworker: So, does your son have dark hair like you?
Male coworker: No, he has sort of sandy hair — like a cross between me and his mom, Lisa.
Female coworker: Oh.
Male coworker: But, you know, he has big nipples like Lisa.

–NJ Transit train

Posted on May 30, 2015
Body Parts, Coworkers, Ew, Jersey, Family Ties, Hair, Kids, Men, Nipples, People, Places, Private Parts, Topics, Trains Not Subway, Women

In the Mood for Wednesday One-liners

Girl on cell: So, you know, I was just lying there, like with my face to the wall and stuff and he just whips out his dick and starts hitting me in the back of the head with it.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Zac Stone

Posted on May 25, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Cell Phone, Etiquette, Getting Jolie'd, Girls, Hook Ups, Kink, On Cell, One Night Stand, One-liners, Penis, Private Parts, Sex, Sex & Relationships, The Village

Revelations Is Silent on the Matter

Teacher: What's used to cover a beast?
Student: Underwear?

–Francis Lewis High School

Overheard by: Thank God I'm Not The Beast.

Posted on March 28, 2015
Animals & Nature, Clothing, Fast Times at New York High, Private Parts, Questions, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors

Wasn’t This an In Living Color Skit?

Black Santa takes off his beard, puts a cigarette in his mouth and starts to adjust his crotch.

Little girl in stroller: Daddy, why is Santa smoking?
Daddy: Well, obviously it’s a fake Santa…
Other passersby, scolding: Santa!
Black Santa: What? Santa’s gotta friggin’ fix himself sometimes, don’t he?

–Rockefeller Christmas tree

Overheard by: Megan Cowles

Posted on March 25, 2015
Actors, Black People, Christianity, Comebacks, Dads, Girls, Guys, Holidays, Kids, Private Parts, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Smoking

There’s Plenty of Amateur Farmers Around to Help

Girl #1: Oh my God, look at that lady.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Titty drip!
Girl #2: Oh my God. Go home and milk yourself.

–19th & 5th

Posted on March 12, 2015
Girls, Manhattan, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, Parents, People, Places, Private Parts, Rack, Topics

Wednesdays Wish They Could Be More Like One-Liners

White teenage boy to black teenage boy: She thinks I am a rapist or something.
(black teenage boy giggles) Which I am cool with, you know what I mean?

–Bay Ridge Ave & 4th Ave

Brunette Guido girl: Ohmigosh, you would love this girl, she's like, the only cool blonde person. This one time she was just like "Dude, can we just do the peace-and-love thing? Cause, I don't know how to fight."

–LIRR

Overheard by: whaaasgood

Fashion intern: I had swine flu last year, before it was cool.

–Cafeteria, Hearst Tower

Overheard by: interns are our future

Bike rider on phone, walking with girlfriend: I don't have his number, but you can call Tom* and go down there. Those guys are pretty cool. You can just go down there and give them a prostate massage.

–Riverside Park

Posted on March 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Couples, Fashion, Guidos, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Race, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wiggers

Because I Can Totally Work a Carpet Steamer

Girl #1: Boys make me so angry. Sometimes I think about changing teams.
Girl #2: You can't just “change teams”. You have to be picked for that team.
Girl #1: What? How do I get picked?
Girl #2 (laughing): You have to clean the carpets of all the team members.
Girl #1 (after pause): What kind of team are we talking about?

–12th Street

Overheard by: Team Player

Posted on March 9, 2015
Anger Management, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Private Parts, Questions, Street

Do Those One-Liners Go All the Way Up to Your Wednesday?

Lady to another: I'm waxing my crotch whether he likes it or not!

–52nd & Madison

Overheard by: someguyslikethejungle

Preteen: Yo, she bit Mark's crotch!

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: dan

Girl to another: I don't think he'd like your stiletto heel in his actual crotch. Oh, now your twat is all over the place.

–Olivebridge

Man on cell, noticing, "The Big Penis Book": Hey, I'm at this bookstore and they have this big book of penises… Oh, you have it already? The big book, with the pink cover and crotch on the front? Oh, okay, cool.

–Bookstore, Brookyln

Bimbo: Crotches are always wrong!

–American Apparel Store

Posted on February 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Girls, Kick, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Private Parts, Shoes, Store, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Violence, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Private Parts