Ni Hao, Wednesday One-Liners!

Korean girl to white guy: Why do you find it necessary to squint your eyes when you do an Asian impression?

–L Train

Overheard by: john.ainley

White girl to friends: And then a ninjician pulled a chopstick out of her ear!

–Veniero's Pastry Shop

Overheard by: Amy

Asian chick: Asians are obsessed with analyzing poop.

–Max Restaurant, Tribeca

Overheard by: Shringle

Woman begging for change: Can I get some quarters? (pause) My cousin-in-law is Chinese. Come on!

–52nd & Lexington

Overheard by: NMT

Asian woman, after sneezing: Just cuz I'm a sneezin' Asian don't mean I got SARS.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: CNaughty

White girl on cell: Okay, I'm going to sound crazy, but there's this Asian guy in one of my classes…and he looks just like Ashley…and I just want to run up and say "Can I take a picture of you? Because you look just like my black girlfriend!"

–Dorm Building, Cooper Union

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Buildings, College, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Girls, Global Geography, Grocery Stores, Illness, Koreans, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pictures, Poop, Port Authority, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, White People

Does It Burn When You Wednesday One-Liner?

Girl playing extreme edition of Would You Rather:Okay: would you rather Joe with a 75% chance of a non-treatable STD or Luke with a 12% chance of pregnancy?

–R Train

Asian girl during Rent intermission: Oh wait, so they all have AIDS? Is that why they're all taking pills all the time? I didn't understand that. But you can't die from AIDS, right? I mean, if you like lived in a bubble forever, you would never die from it, right?

–Nederlander Theater

Man, emphatically: Look, you don't even have to worry about HIV, just take 200 milligrams of Vitamin C.

–89th & Broadway

Hipster girl: Me and my STDs are like Angelina Jolie's kids… Gotta get one from every country!

–Broome St

Overheard by: Kate

Hipster to friend: Thank god AIDS wasn't in Africa yet when I was there, I wouldn't have fucked anybody.

–Classroom, NYU

Young woman on cell: Yeah, I know. (pause) So you don't mind if I have herpes, right?

–71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills, Queens

Overheard by: Tara

Posted on October 15, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Hipsters, Lower Manhattan, Medicine, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Questions, Sex, STDs, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Relax, It's Just Appendicitis

20-something girlfriend: Ooh, I just got a sharp pain in my stomach.
20-something boyfriend (angrily): Why'd you hold your doody in!

–56th & 6th

Overheard by: Twiggy

Posted on October 13, 2008
Boyfriends, Couples, Default, Girlfriends, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Poop, Questions, Sensory Experiences

Let's Go Back to the Subway

Tourist #1 (passing by flower display at the lobby of MoMA): What's that smell?
Tourist #2: Smells like ass in here!

–Metropolitan Musuem of Art

Posted on October 13, 2008
Ass, Compare/Contrast, Default, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, The Met, Tourists

She Was Hoping for a Salad of Steel

Waitress: Will you have a soup or salad?
Girl: Sure, I'll have the super salad.
Waitress: No, will you have the soup or salad?
Girl: I said I'll have the super salad.
Waitress: No, (really slowly) will you have the soup or salad.
Girl: Ohhhhh, the salad.

–Elmo, Chelsea

Posted on October 13, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Food, Girls, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Waitresses, Weirdness, Words

The Rest Of the Week I Reserve for Prayer

Girl: Do you have any plans tonight? Maybe we can do something.
Guy: Can't…I gotta get up early tomorrow to work.
Girl: You suck nads.
Guy: Only on Tuesdays…

–54th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Biscuit-lover

Posted on October 13, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Leisure, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Questions, Time

Works Great With an Electric Sander

Boy #1: Dude, I want a personal ball-washer.
Boy #2: That's not sexy. That shit hurts!
Boy #1: What hurts? Washing your balls does not hurt.
Boy #2: It does if you do a good job.
Boy #1: There's something wrong with you.
Boy #2: It hurts if you get a good scrub in!
Boy #1: What kind of soap do you use?
Boy #2: Zest, cuz that shit smells delicious.

–67th & 2nd

Overheard by: glad i'm not a boy

Posted on October 12, 2008
Balls, Boys, Default, Health and Hygiene, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Upper East Side, Wishes & desires

When You Were Born He Wanted You to Be Left on a Hillside

Four-year-old boy to mom: Mom, do we want the Mets to win or the Yankees?
(mom ignores comment)
Boy: I think I want them both to win!
Mom: I don't think your father's going to be very happy about this.

–3 Train

Overheard by: Danielle

Posted on October 12, 2008
Boys, Default, Kids, Mets, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Wishes & desires, Yankees

Who Majors in Nineteenth Century Insecticides, Anyway?

NYU student #1: Who is Paris Green, anyway?
NYU student #2: Didn't he manage the Yankees for a little while?
NYU student #3: That was Dallas Green.
NYU student #1: Are they related?
NYU student #3: They used to use Paris Green to kill rats.
NYU student #2: He was an exterminator?
NYU student #1: Either way, I fucked up the test.

–Starbucks, Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on October 12, 2008
Animals & Nature, Default, Names, Questions, Starbucks, Students, Stupidity, The Village

Moral Of the Story: When in Doubt, Guess “George”

Stoner #1: Okay, so George Bush is our President, right?
Stoner #2: Yeah.
Stoner #1: If the Vice President dies, who's the President?
Stoner #2: Umm… George Washington.
(hysterical laughter)
Stoner #3: You bringing back niggas from the dead and shit.
Stoner #1: You just like my dad, we asked him who was the first President, he was like (imitates Asian accent) Oh, oh…okay, I know this, I know this… George Lincoln.

–Internet Cafe, Mott St.

Overheard by: Hugh

Posted on October 12, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Death, Default, History & Geography, Little Italy, Names, Politics, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stoners, Stupidity, Words

Questions