Wednesday One-Liners Have the City's Shittiest Job

Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Patrick

Comedy promoter to girl walking by: Hey, you like comedy? (girl ignores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman.

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: MsPrint

Comedy show ticket salesman on sidewalk: Comedy show! Free vibrators! New batteries!

–Times Square

Guy promoting comedy club to couple holding hands: Hey, what are you two doing tonight? …besides each other?

–Times Square

Comedy promoter: Want to see a comedy show? We've got free marijuana downstairs.

–W 43rd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Daniel

Posted on November 20, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Free stuff!, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Sex, Strangers, Street, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners See the World With Fresh Eyes

Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?

–Battery Park

Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You're slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!

–Old Navy Store

Overheard by: Joyfully Yours

Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!

–Astoria Park

Overheard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six-year-old, looking at father's New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Doma Cafe

Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We're going to the dark side!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Posted on November 8, 2017
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Battery Park, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Film, Friends, Kids, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Statue of Liberty, Store, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday Really Pumps Out the One-Liners

Guy to female friend: There's a guy in the Howard Street festival that ejaculates like 20 feet.

–E 3rd St & 1st Ave

Guy: The world is my cumrag!

–4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jordan Bruce

Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We managed to buy enough sperm for three kids.

–32nd & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Matt

Intoxicated college boy to friend: I don't want to jism on a girl's back…yet.

–Times Square

Overheard by: watching her back

Suit getting off train, turning around and yelling: Was it semen? (waves goodbye)

–1 Train

Overheard by: hsw

Posted on October 15, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cum, Frat Boys, Friends, Guys, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Shopping, Street, Suits, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Story of My Life

Woman: He’s such a great guy. If he were taller, I’d marry him. I admire him so much, and he’s gorgeous.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Todd Seavey

Posted on October 2, 2017
Astoria, Height, Pickiness, Street, Women

Christianity, Everybody’s Favorite S&M Religion

Guy to girlfriend, watching Easter Passion procession, complete with Christ carrying cross: Oh my god, they’re whipping him! That’s great, that’s brilliant… I love this neighborhood.

–12th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Porkido

Posted on September 30, 2017
Default, Guys, Holidays, Jesus, Street, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liner: The Musical

Girl to class: I love classical music! I listen to the Bambi soundtrack all the time!

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Guy in lobby, at intermission: Hands down, the best band I've ever seen in concert… Hootie and the Blowfish.

–Jazz at Lincoln Center

Guy on cell: I guess they're musicians. They put bitches ahead of practice.

–79th St b/w York & 1st

Overheard by: Queixa

Gay man to another, walking out of a bank: I mean, if you listen to like, one Sade song every six years, it's okay.

–15th St & 8th Ave

Lesbian: Fuck her! All she wants to do is stay home and sit in the kitchen and drink beer and listen to Melissa Etheridge! Fuck her! She can take a cab home!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Kateri

Straight girl with a seat at the piano: No, I've never been here before, but I'm actually having a good time. I mean, I don't know most of these songs, but earlier he was playing The Sound of Music, and I was rocking out to that.

–Marie's Crisis Piano Bar

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Crazy old cat lady to guy who just shut off obnoxiously loud music in next lane: Why'd you shut it off? I liked that song!

–Marathon Parkway & Northern Boulevard

Posted on September 13, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bank, Bars & Clubs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Disney, Drinking & Drunk People, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Insults, Lesbians, Music, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Promiscuity, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Singing, Staten Island, Street, Students, Stupidity, Time, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners, from the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream Waters

Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!

–Flushing, Queens

Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.

–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights

Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!

–Deli at 33rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?

–BxM10 Bus

Overheard by: bxgirl

Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!

–30th Ave, Astoria

Posted on September 10, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Bus, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Death, Delis, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, Marriage, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Street, Stupidity, U.S. Geography, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

It Told Me to Kill My Neighbor

Man: …I’m a real East Village type of guy. I mean, I have a bird that talks.

–East Village

Posted on August 30, 2017
Hipsters, Men, Street, Union Square and East Village, We Love Our Pets

Wednesday One-Liners Have a History of Violence

Guy, to girl: If I wanted to be angry, I would have punched you in the face a long time ago.

–34th & 7th

Woman on cell: Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.

–33rd St & 31st Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Wade

Woman: It’s not like someone put a gun to your head and told you to fuck her!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Cha

Guy on cell: Yes, I’m interested in your sparring class…No, you see I want to hit somebody.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Braincurve

Thug, to his girlfriend: Yo, I don’t care if you a girl or not. I will bust you in the head with a rock.

–Central Park

Posted on July 31, 2017
Anger Management, Assholes, Central Park, Crime and Punishment, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Parks, Penn Station, Punch, Relationships, Sex, Shoot, Street, Thugs, Violence

Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: V

Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents!

–Pathmark, Massapequa

Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead?

Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults.

–Columbia University

Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not.

–Columbia University

Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun."

–Grand Central

Overheard by: galgal

Posted on May 30, 2016
Accidents, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Home, Sweet Home, Nerds, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Poop, Religion, Sex, Store, Street, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women