Guy #1: Why do you have Stacey's number under “dude-bro”?
Guy #2: Uhm…because she looks like a dude, bro.
–14th St
Overheard by: That's unfortunate
Guy #1: Why do you have Stacey's number under “dude-bro”?
Guy #2: Uhm…because she looks like a dude, bro.
–14th St
Overheard by: That's unfortunate
Man: I directed a show at a musical theatre awards dinner last night. All the great, older musical writers were there: Kander, Ebbs, everyone. You should see their wives. They’re gorgeous.
Woman: They have wives? I thought they were gay.
Man: Oh, no. They’re Jewish.
–LES
Conductor: Vomiting is prohibited on this train. Please, no vomiting on this train.
–LIRR
Conductor: There are only three reasons for an empty train car. A) it smells. B) it's hot. C) someone threw up.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Laura
Gay NYU student: I've already been through the cycle. Eat, vom, feel better about life.
–Tisch Hall, NYU
Conductor: There will be no vomiting on this train. Repeat. There will be no vomiting on this train. (short pause) If you have to vomit, vomit on yourself.
–LIRR, Drunk Train
Overheard by: Jason
Girl to two guy friends: Last night I was traveling back on the train, and there was, like, an airsick bag in the thing and I got a craving for Gardetto's, because the last time we were traveling… (becomes inaudible)
–Atlantic & Bond, Boerum Hill
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Boyfriend to wasted girlfriend: Baby, I swear. This is the best place in New York to throw up. (girlfriend pukes)
–MacDougal St, The Village
Overheard by: Reid Rogers
Old Jewish lady to moron who parked in the walkway: Move your vehicle! Citizen’s arrest! Get the fuck out of my way!
–Brooklyn
Cop over squad car loudspeaker, to a cab driver: You’ve got to be kidding! Pull over your car now.
–74th St & Park Ave
Guy on cell: Driving? No, we shouldn’t take cars. Because people are gonna be drinkin’ and poppin’ pills and I want everyone to be safe!
–Union Square
Overheard by: rpk
Professor: So how many of you drive pick-up trucks?… Oh wait we’re in New York City, don’t see many pick-up trucks here… And why is that? Well of course it’s because you’d park your car one night and the next morning a small family of three will have a tent pitched in the back. Now there’s an awkward conversation… "Uhm excuse me, good morning but I kiiiind of need to drive to work so if you could unpitch the tent… That’d be excellent."
–St. John’s University, Queens
NYU girl on cell: No! I told you I wanted four doors! OK, love you, bye. (hangs up phone) Seriously, I told my dad I have too many friends for a two door, but that’s all he’s looking at! It’s like he’s not even buying the car for me. He’s so selfish!
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: Angie
Older woman on line at the Guggenheim to young British male who has been talking with a friend: "I programmed my car to sound just like you!"
–89th St & 5th Ave
Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won't let me leave.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Inkling
35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.
–R Train
Overheard by: Abby and Holly
20-something college boy: I mean, there's no "I" in "threesome."
–Union Square
Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven't decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet.
–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd
African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I've ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.
–48th St & Broadway
Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl
Hipster chick with "valley girl" accent: Ya, like, ohmigod, ewwwwww… So I was reading Cosmo, and like, there was this story, about like, guys' confessions, you know? And like, this random guy actually said, like, "Sometimes, I rub my dick on my cat's fur, and it feels good."
–Washington Square Park
10-year-old girl to another: I bet his idea of a hot girl is the crazy cat lady across the street.
–34th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Samantha
Woman to another: I have a friend in Belgium now–we both have cats!
–One World Financial Center
Overheard by: macgeekgrl
Brunette on phone: Do you want to play with your cat or do you want to play with me?
–60th St b/w Park & Madison
Overheard by: Adam B.
20-something on cell: And when I woke up, I had no idea where I was. Then I realized I was spooning his cat.
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: J Cox
(two 30-something white guys coming back from the gym on Saturday night)
Guy #1: I mean, New York is real. Boston is real. Everywhere else in America, it isn't real.
Guy #2: Totally.
–W 82nd & Broadway
Man helping woman carry stroller down stairs: If you had taken the bloody pill when you said you were taking it, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.
–Broadway-Lafayette B/D/F/V Station
Overheard by: Jon A.
Man walking with girlfriend, loudly: Wait, did you bring your diaphragm?
–Times Square
Loud woman on cell: How many times do you have to have sex, and have a baby, before you realize: "If I have sex without a condom I will get someone pregnant."? Seriously!
–Broadway & 103rd St
Overheard by: Amy
Guy on phone: I always tell people that sex with you with a condom is better than sex with other girls without a condom.
–Outside Trader Joe's, 14th St
Zoo guide: This zoo likes to be careful with breeding animals by taking into account genes and the like. But then again, Zippy–the baby snow monkey–came along. So be careful with your birth control.
–Central Park Zoo, by the Snow Monkeys
Girl to another: I just don't see why we can't make our own condoms.
–14th St & 4th Ave
Hipster Guy #1: So, every morning you eat shit for breakfast?
Hipster Guy #2: Yeah!
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Kathleen
Hobo #1: Hey, how's it going?
Hobo #2: Okay.
Hobo #1: I'll call you tonight!
Hobo #2: I don't have a phone.
Hobo #1: I know.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Natalie
