Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.

–10 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Jarrod

Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.

–Grand St, Chinatown

Overheard by: Mike Posillico

Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.

–Bx15 Bus

Overheard by: Karly

Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: Dahouhou

Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.

–14th St, across Doomed Megastore

Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin

Posted on July 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bus, Chinatown, Coffee, Couples, Crazies, Dads, Food, Kids, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Prostitution, Rack, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, Store, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-liners, Chronic Matriculators

Guy: Ooh, actuarial, eh? That’s like birds, right?

–Silver Center, Washington Square East

Overheard by: Chirag Shah

Posted on July 10, 2015
Animals & Nature, Arts & Letters, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, College, Dating, Fordham, History & Geography, Manhattan, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners for Kendra

Young lady: Stupid people have more fun!

–Chrystie & Housten

Overheard by: Probably True…

Middle age woman to young woman pushing stroller: Well, this is a stupid place for a stroller!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Would the street be safer?

Oversized hip-hop boyfriend to undersized girlfriend: I'm being stupid for your benefit.

–Duane Reade

Woman buying ibuprofen: It's not a virus. My mother's got a headache from everyone being stupid.

–Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl smoking on the sidewalk to smoking friend: He's perfect. Except that he's kind of dumb. But he's perfect!

–34th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Katface

Posted on July 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Customers, Duane Reade, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Parents, Smokers & Smoking, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Without DNA Tests, the Second-Best Way to Determine Ethnicity Is Ass Size

Teen boy #1: Nah, nigga, she can’t be Spanish. She too skinny.
Teen boy #2: She’s Spanish, yo.
Teen boy #1: I tell you, she ain’t from Spain. She’s from Europe. She has a Euro-sounding name.
Teen boy #2: Maybe she’s Mexican.
Teen boy #1: Yeah, she could be Mexican.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on July 8, 2015
Alphabet City, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Foreigners, Friends, Global Geography, Names, Parks, Stupidity, Teens, Thugs

At Least Our Nipples Are Perky!

(at the freezer section)
Dumb blond mom: Jesus, why’s it gotta be so cold in here?
Dumb blond daughter: Oh god, I know! Like it’s not cold enough outside.

–PathMart, Forest Ave

Overheard by: Ben

Posted on July 7, 2015
Default, Girls, Gripes, Idiots, Moms, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Stupidity, Weather

Neither Do They

Guy #1: You don’t sound British.
Guy #2: Well, I am.
Guy #1: Where are you from?
Guy #2: Scotland.
Guy #1: But you don’t sound like Oasis.

–Carroll Gardens

Posted on July 7, 2015
Global Geography, Idiots, Music, Queens, Stupidity

It's Easier to Celebrate Birthdays Above Ground

Girl to guy holding paper with Haiti headline: Oh my god! That is so ironic, coz yesterday, it was like, Sara's birthday… and she's totally Haitian.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Dana

Posted on July 6, 2015
Birthdays, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, News, On the Subway, Stupidity

They Understand It, Though

Teen girl, about old Latina scolding dog in Spanish: Stupid bitch! Dogs don’t speak Spanish!

–86th & Columbus

Posted on July 5, 2015
Girls, Idiots, Insults, Language Barrier, Man's Best Friend, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Doctor, It Hurts When I Wednesday My One-Liners!

White college girl: I would definitely want to be a doctor, if I didn't have to go to medical school.

–Fordham University

Nurse to another: Well, it seems that the themes of the day were UTIs and pregnancies.

–NYU Student Health Center

Overheard by: had neither

Black male pre-teen to mother: I know all about doctors, 'cause I watch shows about that. (pause) Actually, I watch Dr Phil.

–1 Train

Guy to two girls: I had to fire my doctor, I didn't like what he told me.

–39th & Lexington

Doctor, drawing on napkin and displaying results to student: This is you…in 40 years, in a fugue state. In Turkey. Dissociative fugue–learn neurology!

–168th & Fort Washington

Posted on July 4, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Doctors, Fordham, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hospitals, Illness, Jobs & Careers, Medicine, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nurses, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Psychology, Students, Stupidity, TV, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

We've Both Agreed to Raise a Spitter

Father-to-be: So my wife won't give me head no more.
Friend: Why? Just cuz she's pregnant?
Father-to-be: Yeah. She keeps saying anything she eats the baby eats, and she don't want it eating my jizz.

–N Train

Overheard by: bill

Posted on July 4, 2015
BJs, Cum, Dads, Friends, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Stupidity

Stupidity