Send in the Wednesday One-Liners

Ghetto kid at a carnival: Man, that wasn’t no clown. That was just someone dressed like a clown!

–P.S. 218, The Bronx

Overheard by: Children are the future

Fourteen-year-old black girl to friend: You should have thrown a brick at a clown and seen the blood. You would have loved that.

–7th Ave Street Fair, Park Slope

Overheard by: send in the clowns

Little girl, pointing at obvious pimp: Look mommy, look! A clown!

–Brooklyn

Janitor to clown post-show: Everybody loves clowns. Even Bill Gates!

–Barnum & Bailey Circus

Slightly crazed looking man to well-dressed blonde chick: For $300 you’ll get a clown and a playboy bunny!

–E4th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: I might consider paying up

Posted on April 30, 2008
9 to 5-ers, About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Blood & bleeding, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Street, Teens, The Bronx, Thugs, Tourist Attractions, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness

Not Even Lesbian Cows?

Schoolgirl #1: She just kept going on about chewing cunts in class.
Schoolgirl #2: Cud, you dumbass! Cows don’t chew cunt.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Manic Mouse

Posted on April 19, 2008
Animals & Nature, Default, Girls, On the Subway, School and studying, Teens, Vagina, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Have Never Been Married… Just Sayin’

Old queer: You won’t believe your eyes in Plainfield. There’s not one heterosexual in Plainfield.

–75th & Columbus

Amazed nerd teen: They did this study on women who are ovulating, and even in gay bars when they’re ovulating they get way more dick.

–S’nice Coffee Bar, 14th St & 8th Ave

Big black girl: So being gay, when a straight person says, "You can stay over with me, but I’m not inviting you to touch me…" No, girl! You *are* inviting me to touch you.

–C Train

Overheard by: Lemuel

Random guy in stall next me: It’s a cluster fuck… Out there, not here, you don’t think I’m gay, do you?

–JFK Bathroom

Guy with to few friends: I’m the most homophobic gay man ever.

–Staten Island Perkins Diner

IT manager: Do you know how long ago 1984 was? I was straight!

–915 Broadway, Manhattan

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on April 16, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, JFK Airport, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sex, Sexuality, Soho, Stall Spies, Staten Island, Teens, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires, Words

Hot Wednesday-on-Wednesday One-Liners

Random guy, singing loudly: Leeeesbian seagull!

–South Street Sea Port

Overheard by: Ger-Man in New York

Thug: Shit! I have to get my teacher a present. Its so hard. She’s like butch… You know what I’m saying? Shes got short hair and don’t wear earrings -like that chick [points to a woman who can obviously hear the conversation and looks affronted.] Yeah lady, you like the pussy!

–F Train

Drunk girl: You wanna know why I’m a lesbian? When I was crawling out of my mothers vagina I tasted that shit. And that shit was good. I just had to keep going back for more.

–Odessa’s, Ave A

Overheard by: Dannia Alfonso

Hardcore lesbian tourist #1 to hardcore lesbian tourist #2: Hey! Beaver Street! Let’s eat down there.

–Beaver St , Hanover Square

Overheard by: WallStGuy

Black teen punk girl, arguing with boyfriend: No, I’m gonna go become a lesbian now. Big. Huge. Les. Bo.

–V Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Buff guy: But now they’ll know I’m a lesbian.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on April 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Black People, Drunks, Family Ties, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Lesbians, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Punks, Questions, Singing, Teens, The Village, Threats, Thugs, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Words

Unless a Cantaloupe Counts

Teenage girl: Look at the headline on this magazine. There’s a quiz called “do you know if you’re a virgin?”
Teenage boy: Yes. Oh god, yes.

–Barnes and Nobles, Astor Place

Posted on April 10, 2008
Boys, Default, Girls, Questions, Store, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Virginity

Wednesday One-Liners Catch It in the End

Drunk girl: I don’t like god, he always tries to put it in my butt.

–D train

20-something man to friend: P.S. It was in the ass that I fucked her.

–3rd Ave

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Girl on cell: I mean, I don’t know if it’s because I like never do this or if it’s because it’s sooo big… But my ass is like really sore now! I mean, I can’t even sit down.

–UWS

Teenage girl on cell: You sound surprisingly perky for someone who just got butt raped.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: westchester girl

Young lady:… And then he jammed it in my shitbox.

–Livingston and Boerum, Brooklyn Heights

B&T suit on cell: You just have to level with her, dude. Just tell her that if she wants to land a husband in this day and age, she has to learn to like it in the butt.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: David

Posted on April 9, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Drunks, Friends, Girls, God, Grand Central, Madison Square Garden, Marriage, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Rape, Suits, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Also, Stop Calling Yourself ‘Some 14 Year-Old’

Teen girl: So I found a picture of him on facebook, half-naked, being straddled by some fourteen-year-old with a bottle of Jack Daniels in her hand. I swear, my brother has all of my precocity, but none of my charm.
Older guy: Oh yeah, and none of your humility either.

–96th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: kids these days…

Posted on April 6, 2008
Age/Aging, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Facebook, Girls, Guys, Nudity, Pictures, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

And I’m Like, You Just Happened to Have a Video Camera?

Teenage girl: My mom is always walkin’ in on me having sex. I’m all like, mom what the fuck, I’m all having sex. Get the fuck out.
Teenage boy: Oh daaamn, I hate that. I always turn the music up real loud so my mom can’t hear me fuck. I fucked my girl to that Akon song. I was in her so deep and that shit was just pumpin’!
Girl: Ohh daaamn.
Boy: You need to tell your mom to get all out yo shit.
Girl: Yeah, she’s always walkin’ in right in the middle and I’m all like, mom get out. Then she tells me she didn’t know, and I’m like, mom I don’t got to tell you every time I’m having sex.

–Target, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Nate

Posted on April 5, 2008
Boys, Brooklyn, Default, Family Ties, Girls, Gripes, Music, Offers and requests, Parents, Relationships, Sex, Store, Teens

Wednesday One-Liners Suck at Scrabble

Blonde: You know what I just learned? G-E-O-R-G isn’t pronounced ‘George’ — it’s pronounced ‘gay-something.’

–49th & Broadway

Overheard by: It’s too cold for stupidity

Fag hag to queer pal: It’s like, we’re like… cotillion-izing!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: jaded library dweller

Ghetto chick: Yo, he is datin’ Sheryl now. I told him, ‘Tell me when you kiss her.’ He was all, ‘Why?’ so I said, ‘So I know not to kiss her!’ I’m bilingual, yo.

–L train, 3rd Ave stop

Overheard by: katiebeans

Loud woman: That is ‘conniving’ with a capital ‘K’!

–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave

Angry wife to husband: You are so patronistic. I seriously can’t stand how fucking patronistic you are.

–56th & 5th

15-year-old girl to group of friends: I be takin’ AP English this year, yo. I the only one in that motherfucker that don’t be lookin’ like they be deliverin’ yo’ egg rolls when they ain’ts in school an’ shit.

–210th St & Bainbridge Ave

Overheard by: gutterlush

Angry woman to friend: I have a contention with the way people pronounce my daughter’s name. I did not name my daughter ‘Lady Nasty’! I named my baby girl ‘La Dynasty.’

–JFK

Overheard by: The REAL Lady Nasty

Posted on April 2, 2008
Airports, At the Airport, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Default, Education, Fag Hags, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girl-on-Girl, Girls, JFK Airport, Kids, Language Barrier, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Offers and requests, Queens, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Union Square and East Village, Women, Words

Teens