Urge to Choke…Rising

Teenage checkout worker, jokingly to coworker: I swear to fucking god one of these days I'ma just reach over and choke you. You are so goddamn annoying I will choke you! (Asian chick approaches, gives bag to teen worker)
Teenage checkout worker, leaning over counter: Nah whadda mean? Nah whadda mean? I'ma choke this mudafucker right here one day.
Asian chick: (silently gives bemused smile)
Teenage checkout worker: I swear to god I'ma choke this one right here, nah whadda mean?
Coworker being threatened: Yo, she doesn't speak English.
Asian chick, with sass: Excuse me? What you don't think I speak English? What, cause I'm Asian you don't think I can fucking speak English?
Coworker: (shocked silence)
Teen checkout worker: You tell him, girl! You tell him!
Asian chick: Yeah. Yeah. I got an 800 on the English section of the SAT. Yeah, I speak English.
Teen checkout worker: Tell him! Say that shit again yo, what was your score, girl?
Asian chick: An 800!

–B&H Photo Video

Overheard by: you tell him, girl!

Posted on February 27, 2015
Asians, Choke, Clerks, Coworkers, Insults, Language Barrier, Questions, Race, School and studying, Store, Teens, Threats

Every Little Wednesday One-Liner Helps

Professor: Gods, these students. It’s like they just don’t get it, you tell them things and two minutes later they ask you the same thing. How did they get here? What are they going to major in? In "homelessness"?

–English Department, Hostos Community College

Well-dressed 20-something girl: Homeless people tell me to cheer up all the time!

–1 train

Rich woman #1, fixing rich woman #2’s scarf: [laughs] Oh my god, you look homeless!

–1 Train

Overheard by: sagehen

Well-dressed woman on cell: It’s just another Wednesday and I’m a bag lady.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mother to her flock of children entering the train and then getting off: Run guys run, theres a homeless guy on that train! Run!

–F Train

Overheard by: yana

Posted on February 25, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Education, Girls, Gripes, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Panhandling, Physical appearance, Questions, Rich people, School and studying, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Threats, Women

And Play Boggle ‘Til at Least Ten O’Clock!

Tourist #1: Last night I wasn’t really wild. I really want to be wild tonight.
Tourist #2: Last night you weren’t wild? I would actually be a little scared to see you go really wild, then.
Tourist #1: Well tonight I’m going to be really crazy. Tonight I’m going to wear my yellow dress!

–Eugene O’Neill Theatre

Posted on February 16, 2015
Clothing, Colors, Default, Theater, Threats, Tourists, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

We Blame the Non-Honors Chemistry

Conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors. Do not hold the doors.
Crackhead holding doors: Suck my dick. I'm in the mob. I'm mobbed the fuck up.
Conductor: For those who continue to hold the doors, if I see you, police will be called. It's rush hour, people need to get where they're going.
Crackhead holding doors: Shut the fuck up. I went to Cornell, motherfucker. Suck my dick.

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: ED

Posted on February 15, 2015
Conductors, Cops, Crazies, Insults, On the Subway, Penis, Public Transportation, Threats

Wednesday Two-Become-One Liners

Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!

–Washington Square Park

Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!

–Naked Lunch, Tribeca

Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!

–E Train

Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…

–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village

Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day

Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.

–W 123rd & 8th Ave

Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.

–Staten Island

Posted on February 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Pictures, Queer guys, Sex, Staten Island, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village, Wishes & desires

Five Years Till It’s Available Only on DVD

Bible-thumping lady: Get your Bible! We only have approximately five years left!
Passerby: Five years! Fuck! I gotta get movin’!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Adam Bertocci

Posted on February 14, 2015
Advice, Books & Writing, Church, Default, God Squad, Grand Central, Offers and requests, Strangers, Threats, Train Station, Women

Wednesday One-Liners–No Apologies Necessary

Suit on cell: I swear, I’m going to make her the sorriest crippled girl in New York.

–Avenue C

Hipster on iPhone: Hello? I’m sorry. I can’t hear you–I have an iPhone.

–6th & 27th

Hipster girl to out-of-town friend: Sorry about the smell, this area just recently gentrified.

–Orchard Street b/w Broome & Grand

Loud, drunk, British girl to boyfriend: We don’t know each other’s minds -we can’t read each other’s minds! So when you do something I don’t like and I tell you and then later you do something I don’t like and I tell you again… Well that’s two sorries in one day! And "sorry" is just a word, but you’re learning about me! About my mind.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: rpk

Woman on cell: Oh sorry, I have to go. Remember that woman that got pregnant by a bear? Yeah, I just ran into her.

–Astor Place

Dominican to friend: And just wait until I tell them all he’s Dominican… he’ll really be sorry then!

–5th Ave, near Empire State Building

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on February 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Apologies, Brits, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dominicans, Drunks, Friends, Girlfriends, Lower East Side, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYC Geography, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Suits, The Village, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness, Words

No! Focus on Hating the White Devil!

Black chick: Watch who you pushing! You pushing me ever again, I’m gonna Bruce Lee your ass, motherfucker! Say you’re sorry, chink!
Chinese guy: Go fuck yourself!

–Utopia Parkway

Overheard by: Ting