Chinese food lady in Chinese take-out restaurant: Duck sauce, soy sauce?
Mr Clean-looking guy: Uhh Uhh… [Scratches shiny head.] I dunno, the Black sauce.
–Flushing, Queens
Chinese food lady in Chinese take-out restaurant: Duck sauce, soy sauce?
Mr Clean-looking guy: Uhh Uhh… [Scratches shiny head.] I dunno, the Black sauce.
–Flushing, Queens
Girl to friend: That’s the difference between you and me: I have camp and you have sex.
–Bard High School Early College
Female commuter to male commuter after he accused her of pushing onto train: Just be grateful you had someone to rub against on a Friday night.
–6 train
Overheard by: Carol
Bearded dude: If you can’t tell me within five seconds the most number of fingers you’ve ever had in a woman at one time, I don’t want to talk to you about sex.
–Whiskey Park, Central Park South
Overheard by: Argopelter
Guy on cell, talking to someone’s voicemail: Hi, it’s Reacharound. I’m on my way to the library, but let me know if you want to get dinner later.
–Houston & Sullivan
Overheard by: lish
Chick: Actually, I can’t think of anything that’s not a metaphor for sexual awakening.
–Starbucks, 44th & 9th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Perfume guy: Gucci! Gucci! Gucci’ll get you a hoochie!
–Macy’s
Overheard by: alison
Woman selling belongings on street: Look here, deodorant! Brand new! One dollar.
–44th, between Lex & 3rd
Hawker with "Cheney/Satan ’08" bumper stickers: Inappropriate stickers here!
–Outside Grand Central
Musician to passerby eating cookie: If you like cookies, you’ll love my new album!
–9th & 6th
Overheard by: Gil
AM New York lady to another: Bitch, don’t be comin’ over here! AM New York, people — get your AM New York! Fuck you, you bitch, I been here since seven AM every day this week. Don’t be givin’ me that shit. Get your lazy ass off my corner ‘fore I cut you! Fuck you, bitch! Fuck you! AM New York, people, AM New York…
–Penn Station
Overheard by: BJ
Comedy hawker: Free bag of marijuana with your purchase! Yaaay!
–43rd & 7th
Overheard by: Sarah R
Blonde: You know what I just learned? G-E-O-R-G isn’t pronounced ‘George’ — it’s pronounced ‘gay-something.’
–49th & Broadway
Overheard by: It’s too cold for stupidity
Fag hag to queer pal: It’s like, we’re like… cotillion-izing!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: jaded library dweller
Ghetto chick: Yo, he is datin’ Sheryl now. I told him, ‘Tell me when you kiss her.’ He was all, ‘Why?’ so I said, ‘So I know not to kiss her!’ I’m bilingual, yo.
–L train, 3rd Ave stop
Overheard by: katiebeans
Loud woman: That is ‘conniving’ with a capital ‘K’!
–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave
Angry wife to husband: You are so patronistic. I seriously can’t stand how fucking patronistic you are.
–56th & 5th
15-year-old girl to group of friends: I be takin’ AP English this year, yo. I the only one in that motherfucker that don’t be lookin’ like they be deliverin’ yo’ egg rolls when they ain’ts in school an’ shit.
–210th St & Bainbridge Ave
Overheard by: gutterlush
Angry woman to friend: I have a contention with the way people pronounce my daughter’s name. I did not name my daughter ‘Lady Nasty’! I named my baby girl ‘La Dynasty.’
–JFK
Overheard by: The REAL Lady Nasty
Professor: Old people will sign anything.
–Brooklyn College
Professor: What do you guys think of this poster? It annoys me. I would wear this on a t-shirt just to annoy people.
–Pratt Institute
Sociology professor: New York is a megalopolis, while Boston is only a metropolis, although Bostonites would argue that… Bostonites… Bostoners… Bostonians? Pshhh, whatever.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Philosophy professor, drawing: Here is the world… Here are some birds… And people. Here’s someone… Here’s someone hitting someone with an ax. Some people do axings… Some people don’t.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: no axings!
Old professor with French accent: Hot climate is associated in this book with passion or sex. I think that I, for example, really never did have sex in a sub-zero temperature.
–NYU Cantor Film Center
Overheard by: suddenly surrounded by students’ awkward snickers
Sociology professor: I’ll tell you a story that most people laugh hysterically at, but it actually makes me really sad… Kind of like Napoleon Dynamite.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Guy #1: I’m going to go get a brouhaha.
Guy #2: The brews are downstairs.
–Boat Cruise around Manhattan
Supermarket stock guy, screaming into cell while loading cheese onto shelves: Yo! What up, punk ass! Call me back punk ass bitch!
[Hangs up cell and breaks into chorus of that “Oh What a Night (December ’63)” song.]100-year-old male shopper: ’63? You’re not even old enough to remember ’63.
Stock guy: Man, I was born in ’60. July 1960.
100-year-old male shopper: Oh, ’60, huh? I served in Korea…
–20th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: LiAps
Wannabe gangster, on opposite Up escalator, watching couple in their mid-20s kissing on Down escalator: Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.
[Girl flashes a thumbs-up behind the guy’s back.]Wannabe gangster: Yo, that bitch is COOL!
–AMC Theatre, Times Square
Overheard by: just eating popcorn
Tourist #1: This is us.
Tourist #2: You sure?
Tourist #1: Yup, Cay-null Street.
–N train, Canal St station
Overheard by: sara n.
Chick #1: I didn’t call you fat.
Chick #2: Yes, you did! I remember it vividly! But it’s okay, ’cause I just forgot.
–34th & Broadway
Overheard by: may
