Wednesday One-Liners Catch It in the End

Drunk girl: I don’t like god, he always tries to put it in my butt.

–D train

20-something man to friend: P.S. It was in the ass that I fucked her.

–3rd Ave

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Girl on cell: I mean, I don’t know if it’s because I like never do this or if it’s because it’s sooo big… But my ass is like really sore now! I mean, I can’t even sit down.

–UWS

Teenage girl on cell: You sound surprisingly perky for someone who just got butt raped.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: westchester girl

Young lady:… And then he jammed it in my shitbox.

–Livingston and Boerum, Brooklyn Heights

B&T suit on cell: You just have to level with her, dude. Just tell her that if she wants to land a husband in this day and age, she has to learn to like it in the butt.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: David

Posted on April 9, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Drunks, Friends, Girls, God, Grand Central, Madison Square Garden, Marriage, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Rape, Suits, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

We Couldn’t Help Ourselves -We Tried It.

Guy #1: Dude, if you google “bunny porn” it will probably show up.
Guy #2: Good call.

–NYU’s Hayden Hall

Posted on April 7, 2008
Advice, Default, Google, Guys, NYU, Porn, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Words

God Bless Wednesday One-Liners

Cop: There are no downtown express trains! I repeat, there are no downtown express trains. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the President of the United States!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Trixie

Suit on cell: The problem with Canada is that it’s not the U.S.

–129th St, Harlem

Overheard by: Koen

Black guy on cell: Yeah, what is Condoleezza Rice, anyway? I think she’s Puerto Rican or Dominican. She’s definitely not American.

–Barnes & Noble, W 66th St

Black guy to white friend eating lunch: Ah, yes, the American dream: doing nothing while eating a sandwich.

–Stuyvesant High

Hobo: Thirty-two-gallon garbage can — who wants this beautiful 32-gallon garbage can? Made right here in the US-of-A! Come on, people! It’s an American product at Mexican prices. Now, what’s my first bid?

–4th Ave & Atlantic

Overheard by: Mike N

Large black lady on cell: I know, right? Osama bin Laden is like the Uncle Sam of America!

–CVS Pharmacy

Posted on April 2, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Business and Commerce, Cops, Default, Food, Friends, Global Geography, Government, Harlem & Morningside Heights, History & Geography, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Politics, President, Public Transportation, Store, Street, Stuyvesant Town, Suits, Terrorism, Weirdness, Women

Let’s Talk about Wednesday One-Liners, Baby

Girl to friend: That’s the difference between you and me: I have camp and you have sex.

–Bard High School Early College

Female commuter to male commuter after he accused her of pushing onto train: Just be grateful you had someone to rub against on a Friday night.

–6 train

Overheard by: Carol

Bearded dude: If you can’t tell me within five seconds the most number of fingers you’ve ever had in a woman at one time, I don’t want to talk to you about sex.

–Whiskey Park, Central Park South

Overheard by: Argopelter

Guy on cell, talking to someone’s voicemail: Hi, it’s Reacharound. I’m on my way to the library, but let me know if you want to get dinner later.

–Houston & Sullivan

Overheard by: lish

Chick: Actually, I can’t think of anything that’s not a metaphor for sexual awakening.

–Starbucks, 44th & 9th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on April 2, 2008
Advice, Central Park, College, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Default, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hand-Jobs, Leisure, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Sex, Starbucks, Street, The Village, Vagina, Women, Words

Vendsday One-Liners

Perfume guy: Gucci! Gucci! Gucci’ll get you a hoochie!

–Macy’s

Overheard by: alison

Woman selling belongings on street: Look here, deodorant! Brand new! One dollar.

–44th, between Lex & 3rd

Hawker with "Cheney/Satan ’08" bumper stickers: Inappropriate stickers here!

–Outside Grand Central

Musician to passerby eating cookie: If you like cookies, you’ll love my new album!

–9th & 6th

Overheard by: Gil

AM New York lady to another: Bitch, don’t be comin’ over here! AM New York, people — get your AM New York! Fuck you, you bitch, I been here since seven AM every day this week. Don’t be givin’ me that shit. Get your lazy ass off my corner ‘fore I cut you! Fuck you, bitch! Fuck you! AM New York, people, AM New York…

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BJ

Comedy hawker: Free bag of marijuana with your purchase! Yaaay!

–43rd & 7th

Overheard by: Sarah R

Posted on April 2, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Advice, Comedians, Default, Etiquette, Ghetto Chicks, Grand Central, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Music, Musicians, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Store, Threats, Vendors & Street Performers, Violence, Weed, Weirdness, Women, Words

Now Turn Around Again

Girl: God, there’s nowhere in the Lower East Side to order wine!
Guy passerby: Turn around.
Girl: No, I mean, like, in a bar.

–Outside ‘inoteca Wine Bar, 98 Rivington

Posted on March 30, 2008
Advice, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Gripes, Guys, Lower East Side, NYC Geography, Strangers, Street, Stupidity

Eventually They Both Discovered New York’s Sequential Street-Numbering Scheme

Hippie kid: Hey, man, do you know which way North is?
Club kid: Wow, I’m bad with directions…
Hippie kid: So, does that mean you don’t know how to get to 15th Street?
Club kid: Oh, yeah! I can give someone the right directions for once! It’s that way [points to 13th Street.

–14th & 8th