Guy: If Hitler were still alive and he were gay you would have thought he’d decorated that apartment. It was a soulless aesthetic abomination.
–Madison between 60th & 61st
Overheard by: daisy anna freund
Guy: If Hitler were still alive and he were gay you would have thought he’d decorated that apartment. It was a soulless aesthetic abomination.
–Madison between 60th & 61st
Overheard by: daisy anna freund
Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b-o-n-g.
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kyle
Man in light green suit with orange-red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don't smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don't get high tonight!
–125th & Lenox
Overheard by: Plausible
Young hipster: So I said, "Mom, did you smoke with me?"
–Central Park Reservoir
Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don't want me smoking pot, you don't want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don't want me chewing gum and now you don't like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that's okay with you?
–L Train
Overheard by: It's me, bitches.
Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you're smoking is really good.
–Cooper Union
Overheard by: me too
Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I'm serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don't you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can't see anymore and then I'll be there. Alright? Bye.
–8th Ave & 27th St
Overheard by: Erica Friedman
Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn't smell like weed?
–Washington Square Park
Wasted guy: Oh man. I just shit my pants…I can’t believe I shit my pants.
–Carroll Gardens
Prim lady: Even whips and chains can’t keep boy problems from being typical.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
College student to friends: One time I just want to be caught in a sexually compromising situation with nothing but my bubble wand blower.
–27th & 7th
Overheard by: LFB
Queer on cell: When you handcuffed me, ohhh yes… No, I don’t think there’s a railing I could use right now. No… I’m not taking them out of my bag! Ugh, fiiine… Be there in five minutes… You’re baaad! [Runs off giggling.]
–Penn Station
Little girl, to mother: Get off the train! I want to get off! Move away! Move away! Bad girl!
–1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Chick on cell: Your hook-up buddies would be the type to stow you in a closet.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Nerdy chick: Cognitive dissonance is not my kink.
–Kinoko Sushi, W 72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Hipster on cell: I’m not even buying anything. I’m just here to be seen.
–Trader Joe’s
Hipster boy: I loves me some master race!
–Lobby, the Met
Overheard by: Shayna
Tipsy hipster girl: Wine is so, like, the blood of the gods!
–W 4th & Christopher St
Hipster guy: I think the most truly good person who’s ever been on this earth was Gandhi. Or maybe Martin Luther King, Junior… But he was black.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ghandi was Indian..
Drunk chick: What kind of hipsters are you that you won’t fuck a girl just because she wants to wear a Sailor Moon costume?
–St. Mark’s Pl
White trash woman to angry boyfriend: Stop! I'm in my car and I love myself! I love myself! Fuck you if you don't love yourself! Tyra says to love yourself, and I love myself!
–49th & 11th
Conductor: Passengers, as you all know the New Haven line is known as the Love Line, because of our red colors and red schedules. For Valentine's Day why not buy a loved one a ticket? Nothing says "I love you" like a Metro North ticket! Imagine the look on your mother-in-law's face when she opens up her present to find a one way trip to Manhattan!
–Metro North Train
Sorority girl: And this is a list of all the girls who love Jell-o.
–St. John's University
Overheard by: Peter G
Guy on Bluetooth: What did I say? I said I love you and you didn't fucking say anything back. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?
–Jackson Heights
Excited black guy to friend: Damn! I think I'm in love, she's like the whole package! She's pretty, she's fuckable, and she can cook!
–A Train
Overheard by: Tim
Little boy leaving the church: Bye, Jesus! I love you!
–Riverside Church
Overheard by: Stephanie
Yuppie woman: Her mother was recently diagnosed with clinical narcissism. One of the indicators was the time she went to a funeral and got angry that no one noticed her new dress.
–Downtown 6 train
Woman: I have this running joke with my kids. Whenever there’s a spider or a big bug, they’re like, "Kill it! Kill it!", and I’m like "I can’t kill it! It might be your grandmother!" You know, like reincarnation?
–Office tower ladies room, Lex & 44th St
Guy on cell: Who are you to tell me who is of legal age for me? You’re not my mother! How can you tell me who is legal enough for me and who isn’t?
–Union Square
Little Boy: Mommeeee! Ah… I mean, Daddeee!
— 67th Ave & Yellowstone Blvd, Queens
Woman on cell: Mom, a building just got knocked over by a plane and you want to talk about my gambling?
–71st St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: mike
Girl: I have no siblings! I can’t be a fuck up because I have no siblings!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: meghan
Goth girl wannabe: I fantasize about incest, but not with anyone I’m related to.
–East Village
Conductor at Van Wyck: This is… not Jamaica. [Quietly] Where the hell is he going?
–Manhattan-bound E train
Overheard by: Julie
Conductor: This is 71st, Continental Avenue. Transfer here for the E. This is the E Train to 180… This is the E Train to 170… This is the F… This is the… Oh, whatever. Just stand clear of the fucking doors.
–Most definitely the F train
Overheard by: Megan Cowles
Conductor: This is an express F Train to Stillwell Avenue. What does that mean? I don’t know. What are the express stops?
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: Pam
Conductor: This is a Manhattan-bound One Train. Next stop, 42nd Street. I mean, 34th Street… Shit… Next stop, 14th Street, Union Square!
–L train, Morgan Ave
Overheard by: erin b
Conductor: Captain, we’ve lost power — we have no lights. If you would like to look at people or read, please move. If you do not wish to look at anyone or let anyone look at you, just stay put. This is the train to Babylon. I do not know what the next stop is.
–LIRR
Overheard by: scared passenger
Conductor: The Queens-bound N Train will be arriving on the platform downstairs. [It pulls into the station across from the platform.] I take that back.
–7 train, Queensboro Plaza
Overheard by: Melissa Berry
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is a downtown… [long pause]… Whatever. Stand clear of the edge.
–6 platform, Union Square
Overheard by: Johnny
Guy on cell: What does you caring about me have to do with me at some club with "hypothetical" naked chicks?
–42nd & Lexington
Guy yelling across street to girl on phone: Tell her I waited naked on the bed all night but she never came!
–Washington Square
Suit to another: It's so weird because there are so many people at the office who you'd never think to picture naked… Like Marcy: you'd never picture her naked. Alex: you'd never picture him naked. Derek: I've never pictured him naked.
–F Train
Overheard by: EmLo
Guy, to two women: I was like, "You're lying on top of me. We're naked. When does this get fun?"
–Philosophy Building, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
(girl is wearing small, tight, mini-skirt and talking to a group of boys)
Girl: If it was up to me, I wouldn't be wearing any clothes, if it weren't for gravity.
–Sybil's, Liberty Ave, Queens
Overheard by: Terrence
20-something girl to friend: So I chased after him, but I was naked…so how far could I go?
–Brooklyn Promanade
Chick: So, um, like, yeah. I mean, you know, I mean, well, when you think it’s right but it isn’t, you know, then it’s like, um, yeah. I don’t know what I’m saying.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
