Wednesday One-Liners Neck With Their Steadies

Guy on cell: Dude, the girl is hot. We kissed a little last night, but I just wanna make out with her. I just wanna make out with her all night long. [Pause.] Yeah, I said make out.

–73rd & 1st

Overheard by: Missy

Overweight hipster girl with lisp: I’m the make-out masta.

–NYU Hayden Hall

Overheard by: The Doctor

Balding frat guy to girlfriend: Dude, open your eyes a little bit when we make out so it’s not like I’m raping you.

–C Train

Overheard by: I hate when that happens, too

Drunk girl: …so they ended up making out in a port-a-potty.

–Spring & Lafayette

College girl on cell: Don’t move in with him, just make out with people!

–Starbucks, West 43rd & Broadway

Overheard by: good advice

Posted on June 11, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Boyfriends, Crime and Punishment, Drunks, Frat Boys, Girls, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, The Village, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Wishes & desires, Words

You Can’t Choose Your Wednesday One-Liners

Jewish girl: I think my family likes me because I will fulfill my potential to be a pompous ass.

–NYU Bobst Library

Thirty-something Hispanic woman: All my nephews are boys… All of them.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Suze V

Girl on cell: Well then maybe you shouldn’t have fucked my sister!

–70 & Broadway

Girl on cell: …The half-Asian, half-Jewish guy. And she’s like: "My brother is so pissed at me!" and I’m like: "Of course he’s pissed, you’ve gotten with six of his friends."

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy: I’ve seen my sister-in law’s titties so many times…

–Yankee Stadium

Girl on cell: So the little girl at the wedding was like: "Are you guys brothers?" And I was like: "No, we fuck".

–24th St b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Amy

Posted on June 11, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Jews, Judaism, Latinos, Library, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Queens, Race, Sex, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women, Words, Yankee Stadium

The Girly Bits Of Wednesday One-Liners

Young man in small crowd: Honestly, the vaginas I’ve seen in real life are nowhere near as bad as the vaginas I’ve seen in med school.

–86th & Columbus

Overheard by: Stacey

Girl: I feel like the male anatomy is so much more straightforward. The vag is hard to master.

–Fordham University

20-something girl: If he’s gonna be such a whiny vagina about you being safe about your vagina, then you shouldn’t be sleeping with him anyways.

–NYU Dorm

Teenage boy, eating a sandwich: He said no mayonnaise. It tastes like a big vagina.

–63rd Drive & Queens Boulevard

Hobo: And then the woman just sucked it all into her vagina.

–44th & 7th

Overheard by: The One

Frantic Asian guy, running across the street in front of Worldwide Plaza: Yeah… Yeah… But whose vagina?"

–9th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Posted on June 11, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Food, Fordham, Gender issues, Girls, Hobos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Penis, Queens, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Students, The Bronx, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liner’s Burden

Jamaican man on cell: First there is the white people, then comes the animals, then comes me!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Cog-in-the-wheel

White hipster: Don’t let the white man bring you down!

–N. 6th & Bedford Ave

Black man, yelling at UGG-wearing Fordham student passing by: White girls get loving, too. But, not with those boots!

–E. Fordham Rd & Bathgate Ave

Guy with rosary: Yo, that girl used to be so bad. Now she’s hanging out with white people and playing croquet. Or whatever that shit is.

–North Woods, Central Park

Cute black girl: Damn! White girls be steppin’ it up! They got booties now and everything!

–106th & Broadway

Posted on June 4, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Brooklyn, Bryant Park, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Men, On Cell, Race, Shoes, Sports, The Bronx, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Sweet Tooth

Hobo, to commuters: I’m hungry, homeless, and unemployed. I’m selling these candies for $0.25 so I can buy a meal. You’re all going to die, and you can’t take it with you, so give it to me!

–Shuttle to Times Square

Overheard by: Wondering why he couldn’t just eat the candy…?

Girl: So she was like: "Why can’t we have a candy corn background?" and I was like "Because you’re an idiot!"

–Starbucks, 34th St

Overweight yet stylish gay man: She had a hunger deep inside her that only a Snickers could quench.

–M101 Bus

Overheard by: Holla Back Girl

Mother to young son: You can get something, but I don’t want you to pick out no fucking twenty dollar candy. You ain’t been that good.

–Hershey World, Times Square

Overheard by: esgeness

Professor to student: I found out what they put in their brownies, I plan to use it against them!

–101st & Broadway

Group of high school girls to Mister Softee ice cream truck driver: Hey ice cream man! Ice cream man! Give us some ice cream! We’ll suck you off!

–Beverley & Ocean Parkway

Overheard by: A Radiant Sulk Ninja

Posted on June 4, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Death, Fat People, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Panhandling, Parents, Queer guys, Starbucks, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, Teens, Times Square, Weirdness

Looks Like We’re in for a Bad Spell of Wednesday One-Liners

Little girl: Mommy, it’s snowing in my eyes!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: blistexaddict

Elderly Hispanic woman wading through snow: Skoosh! Shoosh! Skoosh! Wee! Skoosh!

–28th & Park

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Bus conductor in droning, somber voice: Ladies and gentlemen, due to inclement weather, the express trains are temporarily discontinued. [Suddenly sounding bright and chipper.] In other words, it’s cold outside, folks! So if you think you can just wait for the local, you wrong! So all y’all just get out the way o’ my doors and let’s go!

–4 Train

Drunk blonde: Omigod, is it like raining? There’s like water falling from the sky outside.

–LIRR

Girl on cell, on first nice day of spring: This weather just makes me want to drink…I have been sitting outside for ten minutes and all of a sudden I can’t get booze off my mind.

–72nd & Columbus

Pilot: Welcome on board flight number [mumble]… We have a 45 minute flight to Ithaca, New York, where the weather is [dramatic pause] fucking awful! Why you guys going there?

–LaGuardia Airport

Posted on June 4, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus Drivers, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Etiquette, Girls, Gripes, Kids, LaGuardia Airport, Latinos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Pilots, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Women, Words

“Let’s Get Ready to Wednesday One-Liiiiiiiner!”

Bimbette: So yesterday he called me to tell me that he’s going to beat my ass, and then he calls me today to ask if he can use my CD player.

–Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: Robert

Seven-year-old girl: She better watch herself before I pimp slap her.

–Amsterdam Projects

Girl, to rest of her punk skater group: But I be like: "Bitch, I don’t skate… I just beat bitches with it."

–Astor Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Jynx

Lady on cell: Is someone else going to smack you?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Krisztina

Man on cell: What… You flubbed what? Listen dude, I’m in midtown, but it’s too far a cab ride to come beat a grown man’s ass.

–W Hotel, 49th & Lex

Overheard by: Miami Hitman

Bus driver to angry man: You want a piece of this? There are 26 places on the body that can kill you instantly. I can hit 4 in one shot. You wanna dance?!

–M16 Bus

Overheard by: nora!

Posted on June 4, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bimbettes, Bitch-slap, Body Parts, Bus Drivers, Girls, Hotels, Insults, Kids, Malls, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Punks, Questions, Skaters, Staten Island, The Village, Threats, Violence, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for Uncle Walter

High-school teen to friend: So, like, every guy that likes me must totally be a pedophile.

–Flatbush & Dekalb, Brooklyn

13-year-old: I mean, he’s not a pedophile, he’s just very open with his sexuality, and I like that.

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kelly

Lesbian on cell: I just saw these girls and they were pretty. Really pretty. And fifteen. But then I heard them talking and I realized they were French! So it’s fine. Fifteen is legal there.

–36th St & Fifth Ave

Middle-aged teacher: I have this girl in my class that’s a six-year-old with a 46-year-old woman’s body.

–Prem-On Thai

Overheard by: office peon

Guy who just got more beer: This is the happiest place on earth… Except for that kindergarten I’m not allowed to go back to anymore.

–McSorley’s, 7th & 3rd

Overheard by: I’ll drink to that!

Seven-year-old boy running after another child: I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile!

–Coney Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: that’swhathesaid

Posted on May 28, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Brooklyn College, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Coney Island, Crime and Punishment, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Happiness, Kids, Lesbians, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Pedophilia, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Village, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Not That There’s Anything Wrong with Wednesday One-Liners

Dude on cell: I’m okay with it. As long as nobody slaps me or calls me gay or spits on me. Those are my three things. As long as nobody does those three things.

–21st St & 8th Ave

Asian girl: You gave me the gay!

–C Train

Overheard by: Jordan

Female cop to male cop: You a queer? For real, you queer? You a queer? You a queer? Oh, I didn’t know that. Okay. [Nods.]

–C Train

Barnard girl to friends: I don’t think he’s gay, I just think he has problems having sex with women.

–Columbia University Steps

Overheard by: John Jay

Man to friend: See, I told you this was a gay neighborhood, look at all the women!

–Montague Street, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: glekapolis