Queer: You are all a bunch of crackers…What are you laughing at, Jew? We have a cracker and a Jew, it’s like a Lunchable.
–1 train
Queer: You are all a bunch of crackers…What are you laughing at, Jew? We have a cracker and a Jew, it’s like a Lunchable.
–1 train
Husky unshaved guy to younger girlfriend: You mean you never saw Animal House? You're not human!
–Lower West Side
Thug to another: Jabba the Hutt? That's like some Tony Soprano shit, nigga. And the spices? That's drugs. Star Wars drugs!
–13th St & University
Overheard by: Jaimie
Girl to friends: My English teacher said Precious is "whack."
–City Cinemas, E 86th St
Stuffy Bulgarian professor: Do you guys know the film Soul Plane? It's very funny, right?
–NYU
Overheard by: really glad I got up before 9:30 for this
Girl on cell: Yeah, after that movie, I'm gonna think all adopted kids are evil dwarfs with a hormone imbalance.
–Columbus Circle
Urban Tarzan: I grew up in a house of monkeys. My mother was a monkey, my father was a monkey, my brother was a pig.
–Main St, Roosevelt Island
Overheard by: king volcano
Customer on cell: Well, the kids finally found Grandma’s python.
–Dollar Store, Fulton St
Overheard by: fiat lux
Genius: I really can’t stand cats. They’re just furry rats.
–Washington Square Park
Woman: I feel so guilty when the cat catches me masturbating.
–B&J Fabrics, 7th Ave
Overheard by: Shamrock
Young man on cell: Wait. Are you talking about what’s normal for penguins or what’s normal for four-year-olds?
–Elevator, Bellevue Hospital
Overheard by: patient
White teen: Turkeys are mad strong, you know that?
–Bleecker between Lafayette & Broadway
Overheard by: Jon A.
Middle-aged woman on cell: I have to get home to cook spaghetti for my cat.
–3rd Ave, between 53rd & 54th
Hipster on cell: Dude, yeah, coffee gives me the shits too; but I'd rather have the shits than no coffee.
–Dunkin' Donuts
Overheard by: Madalyn
Poet, selling self-published book on train: We're like Starbucks coffee and biscotti; you're tall and hot and I'm hard and nutty.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Marc
Little girl to mother: It's like every single person in the whole wide world came to Starbucks and we were the veeeerrrrryyy last ones.
–Starbucks
Colonel Sanders-looking man, in strong Southern accent: I want somethin cold… Whadya git?
–Starbucks
Guy on phone: It's probably something beyond the bestiality in why you didn't get hired.
–4th & Lafayette
Overheard by: andy
Disembodied voice in crowd: Necrophilia, really?
–Times Square
Man: The thing is: my safety word is "No, harder, harder."
–NY Comic Con
Girl: No, seriously, my parents used to have like a harness and a leash for me, because I used to run away in the airport all the time.
–Fordham Law School
Girl to friend: Hot wax and genitals…either very good, or very, very bad.
–1st Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Will
Guy: Great. She doesn't even know me and already she thinks I have a produce fetish.
–Whole Foods, Chelsea
Overheard by: Hunter (aka,
Comedian guy with flyer: Girl, you have some sexy nostrils!
–Broadway
Gay man to another: Next Halloween I am going to be a sexy tub of lard.
–Broadway & Spring
20-something hot girl on cell: So, like, Kristin was supposed to go as a water-boarding torture victim, which is hilarious, but then, she like, um, shows up as a *sexy* water-boarding torture victim, which is better than being, like, all gross and frumpy. But come on… that's not funny.
–Q Train
Creepy old man: When I was was a kid… Coney Island was hot! I mean "sexy." I mean it was… Bam!
–Neptune Ave
Overheard by: taylor
Girl on cell: It's really not like a sexy stabbing.
–Centre St
Stoner: We’re on the verge of a spiritual revolution. It’s like Fight Club…but without the violence.
–Union Square
Overheard by: braun bowery
Guy: The fact that bar was full of ugly girls is just ridiculous.
–Union Square
Crazy lady: Fine, stay where you are, Linda! Stay on the streets, stay in the gutter…but put all your stuff away!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jen
Woman: If I die of malaria, you can have my DVD player.
–Union Square
Lady on cell: …so what’s the difference between the East Village and the West Village?
–Union Square
Overheard by: feitclub
Guy on cell: I didn’t throw the lamp at you because I was out of control, I threw the lamp at you because you said I was out of control.
–Union Square
Overheard by: John
Guy: Dude! At least you’re getting head. Bad head is better than no head, any day of the week!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Joy Smoker
20-something dude to another: It's so hard to get laid in this city before 11 pm!
–M-15 Bus
Hottie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white person.
–28th & 29th
Overheard by: A black person from Chicago
20-something male to female: So you'd better be prepared. It's like the Times Square of New York.
–16th St & Union Square
Overheard by: Annie B
Middle-aged Hispanic dude to Indian salesperson: This is New York City. Nobody's gonna kill you, okay?
–Rite-Aid
Young gay man: That's what I hate about New York City. It's such a fucking small town.
–14th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: molls
Straight guy in hot pink underwear: Yeah, I've fallen asleep in deer stands, and all kinds of weird places.
–Gold's Gym, 54th St
Overheard by: Johnny V
Girl on cell: His hair is wiry and weird. He had a party and sold raffle tickets, the winner got to restyle his hair. He's weird.
–1 Train
Overheard by: whirlygirlie518
White teen girl to friends: No, no, no! I told you guys, if I marry a Japanese, then there's all that weird sex stuff. I'm marrying Korean. They're adorable, and don't have that weird communism thing the Chinese do.
–Chinatown
Girl from Nashville on cell: They serve like weird pasta here with weird vegetables and weird meat. My favorite meal here is breakfast. I am so ready to go home!
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: D-Law
Girl on cell: I’m getting on the train now, so I’ll be there soon. Just wait for me on the corner and smoke something.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Devon
Smoker chick: I lose lighters like I lose men.
–Central Park
Overheard by: RENThead
Nerd: I don’t even like smoking. I just like feeling like an arrogant jerk.
–LIRR to Penn Station
Overheard by: Heather Baharestani
Man to friends: I mean, I don’t know about him. He doesn’t play sports, he doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs… What kind of a life is that?
–Manhattan-bound M train
Overheard by: amazed
Hipster: The Statue of Liberty would be so much cooler if she had a cigarette.
–D train
Overheard by: dianora
