Guy on cell being way too loud at 1AM: Yo! I’m on Avenue M as in motherfucker!
–Avenue M & E 17 St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Daniil Sosonkin
Announcer: For service to 81st Street, take the downtown B as in bubble or D as in Ducktales.
–86th Street B/C station
Overheard by: frocky
British guy: Two tickets to Grand Central, please.
–Bowling Green station
Overheard by: Kirsten Teasdale
Woman on cell: I’m not going to punch her in the mouth, Danny.
–Grand Central station
Suit: You’re ruining my life, you pot-smoking whore!
–34th & Broadway
Young man to pretty girl with glasses eating hot dog: That hot dog matches your beautiful glasses!
–Hot Dog Stand, 34th St
Overheard by: gothchick
Dude to girls crossing street: Hey, miss ladies! Youse look nice out!
–Ludow & Stanton
Overheard by: M & J
Guy to girl passing by: El sexy-o! I know how to say it in Spanish, I wanna know how to say it in Caucasian!
–14th St & 1st Ave
Crazy guy: Hey, Snow White! Come talk to Black Beauty. Cuz you know vanilla and chocolate make a good fudge, girl.
–W 110th St
Overheard by: Ashley
Bro standing in sidewalk, harassing passing girls: Hello! I've been waiting all my life for you! Hello, where have you been all my life? Hello, I eat pussy. Hello, I've got money. Hello?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Woman: She thinks she’s so special cause she’s pregnant. Try being 35 and not pregnant! That’s harder to do!
–81st & Amsterdam
Very pregnant woman, standing on the subway, stares at a young black guy who took the last seat.
Young black guy: What do you want lady? I didn’t get you that way!
–Union Square station
Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!
–8th Ave & W 55th St
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar.
–Uptown 6 train
Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser.
–NYU
Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds
Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?
–43rd & Lex
Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to.
–Washington Heights
Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!
–115th St & Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Melissa Berry
Exchange student: I was just telling him how to use a Post-it.
–Columbia
20-ish male: Actually, global warming is only going to benefit New York City.
–Columbia
Overheard by: martina m.
Chick: I am not eating somewhere with a misplaced apostrophe in its menu.
–Columbia
Overheard by: Ladle
Young Columbia student: Yeah, so all of a sudden I was walking home drunk, in a diaper, with a huge scar.
–1 train
Columbia grad student: … And if you ask him he’ll say, ‘I’m making money for the school! I’m making money for the school! I do drugs! I do drugs!’
–1 train
Student to another: As for the article, I don’t care about the truth of my argument. I care about people knowing how big my penis is.
–Columbia
Conductor: This is 116th Street, Columbia University. Good luck paying your tuition.
–116th St
Overheard by: Sam
Woman on cell: I feel bad about ripping the kid off, but…
–Fort Greene Park
Overheard by: Zoe
Suit: Well, apparently I’m part psychic and part asshole.
–Union Square
Overheard by: quite the combo
Blue collar guy: I stopped giving to panhandlers 10 years ago. This guy hit me up every day at my stop and one day I gave him a sandwich and some cigarettes. I watched him and he threw the sandwich away. I went over to him and worked him over pretty bad. I dumped the trash can and took out the sandwich and then took the cigarettes away from him. Then I knocked him down again and took all the money out of his pockets. I was really mad when he threw that sandwich away. Now I never give anything to those guys.
Suit: Yep…
–1 train, Houston St
Overheard by: Amused Minnesotan
Woman on cell: You see, this is why you just can’t be nice to people. I was nice to her once, once! And now she thinks we’re friends. Like I need this!
–Bus stop near Radio City Music Hall
Yuppie on cell: I don’t give a fuck about them. As long as I’m on their will, I don’t really give a shit.
–34th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Gunita
Girl: So my grandma died last week and it sucked so bad, I had to drive all the way to Hartford on Saturday and I totally missed the huge sale at H&M.
–Statue of Liberty
Overheard by: SuziQ
20-ish woman: Why do they call it waiting on line instead of waiting in line? Is that like a New York thing? Is that like calling it smoking up instead of smoking out?
–58th & Park
Overheard by: marisa
Guy: Well, I think absent-minded means more like… Uh… Like…
–Broadway & Waverly
Future lawyer chick: Wait… So that’s the rebuttal? Rebuttal? Is that a word? Or is the word ‘counterargument’? Or am I just making up words?
–LSAT class, Cooper Square
Four-year-old girl to little boy who spoke in Spanish: I don’t speak your English!
–Claremont Park, Bronx
Overheard by: ClaRity
JAP to boyfriend: I don’t want anything that I can’t, like, pronounce right now.
–St Mark’s falafel district
Geeky boy: I think I’m having trouble meeting people online because my MySpace page is so intimidating.
Goth girls: [Silence.]
–Eileen’s Cheesecake
Girl: Hey, why didn’t you Friendster me on MySpace yet?
–46th & 6th
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Girl departing with friend: MySpace-message me when you get your new phone! But I’m sure I’ll see you before then.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: acep
Nerd: So I broke up with her by changing my MySpace status from ‘In a relationship’ to ‘Single.’
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Adrienne
Ghetto boy: Where the fuck has he been? Fuck. I’m going to hunt that nigger down on MySpace.
–Wendy’s, 23rd St
Guido in car full of guidos, taking girl’s picture with cell: Hey, girl! Didn’t I see you on MySpace last night?
–Hughes Ave & Fordham Rd
Overheard by: Greg
Skinny girl on cell: What? I’m sorry! Listen, you asked! That’s what happens when you bend over and you aren’t wearing underwear: your pussy definitely ends up on MySpace.
–65th & Lex
Conductor: While you are waiting for trains, please do not sit on the edge of the platform. Not only could you loose your legs, but you could delay your fellow passengers.
–Long Beach-bound LIRR
Overheard by: Matt P.
Conductor: The next stop is North White Plains, and everyone needs to get off there because the train will be aborted to the train yard. Yes, the train yard… And you don’t want to be at the train yard. It is a dark and lonely place…
–Metro-North
Conductor: This is the Six local train. Next stop is 42nd, Grand Central. And remember, folks, if you’re having a bad day, don’t try to have a good one. That’s just impossible. Next stop, 42nd.
–6 train
Overheard by: freckles
Conductor: Once again, ladies and gentlemen, today is July 31st. November monthly tickets are no longer valid on this train.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Does that mean I can use my December ticket?
Conductor: This is the voice of your conductor. Remember, only I can move the train. [Pauses while train begins moving, then] See? Just like that.
–A train
Overheard by: McF.
Conductor: I wish you would stop sticking your head out through the doors. If you want to be the conductor, take the test. Then you can stick your head out all you damn well please.
–7 train, Queensboro Plaza
Overheard by: ProcrastYNate
Conductor: This is the Q local. An express train is right across the platform. [Doors close] Wave goodbye!
–Q train
Overheard by: Zvi
