Moneybags: I’m thinking about selling one of my sailboats. It got a leak in the dining room, so I figure why not?
–Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Suit on cell: …yeah, I passed out with one shoe, but when I woke up they were both gone!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: ianr
Chick on cell: Why did you tell dad about that?…Well, he was going to find out sooner or later when he saw me on the website.
–Union Square
Female midget: Yeah, they’re installing the internet in my new apartment and apparently they need a computer.
–Elevator, ABC building, 66th St
Overheard by: Mojosaves
World traveler: Really, you can get anything on the streets of Bangkok. Thai prostitutes, smoothies, passport pictures…It’s like Craigslist.
–20th & 8th
Overheard by: laughing out loud
Catholic school girl on cell: Danny, it’s me. I have some bad news. We’re on a break. Call me back when you get this message….[Hangs up and redials] Maria! What am I going to do about my MySpace?!
–4th Ave
Overheard by: Joe
Blonde on cell: Seriously, I love you, but…Seriously…Seriously, you’re an asshole. You’re a dick! Why didn’t you just tell me the fucking truth!…Well, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I posted those pictures on MySpace, but…Well, be a fucking man about it and tell me the fucking truth then!…Seriously, I love you.
–23rd & 8th
Overheard by: wild dog boy
Loud guy on cell: So how do I get this done? Do I go on the internet or something?… I want to be able to print my own bounty hunter license immediately.
–11th & 6th
Suit: When I was working for my old company, all we would do is download porn.
–Grand & Varick
Check in girl: I only like buying books with sparkles on the cover.
–York & 72nd
Overheard by: fance
Teenage girl on cell: I gotta find this book in the religion section. You know, it's like… it's not that you believe in god, or you don't believe in god, but that you just don't care? I want that book!
–Borders Bookstore, Midtown
Amtrak conductor: A free copy of Amtrak's Arrive magazine is located in your seat pocket. For those seeking enlightenment, this magazine is the first step.
–Train, Penn Station
Student, discussing The Sound and the Fury: I suppose it's a very *artsy* ending–a big, retarded guy holding a broken flower… Does that come with skinny jeans and an apartment in Williamsburg?
–Stuyvesant High School
Tipsy 30-something nerd: We can't all be riding escalators with hard-ons.(older woman turns around) What, lady? It's a literary reference, look it up!
–1st & 7th
Overheard by: Phyllis Dean
Woman: You wanna have a gang bang? Then I’m not being nice today.
–32nd & 6th
Ghetto girl: While you was kissing him he was eatin’ her out.
–Penn Station
Woman on cell: What would I do without you? Who would archive my threesomes?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky
Cabbie, after four girls exit cab: Usually when four white girls get into cab and say, ‘Harlem,’ they are going to see their man for a gang bang.
–109th & Madison
Overheard by: wish i lived in harlem back then
Little girl: I can’t wait to tell my class about polyamory!
–Amtrak out of Penn Station
Overheard by: Nipples
Guy on cell: There was a blonde-haired girl and a brown-haired girl. I did everything to the brown-haired girl!
–Bedford Ave, between N 3rd & N 4th
Overheard by: chloe
Blonde chick on cell: No, you wouldn’t like them. They aren’t into orgies.
–Astor Place
Girl to friend: So I got my horse, things got a little escalated… He got his horse…
–The Cloisters
Overheard by: ninja z
Small child on bike: Suck my butt monkey!
–Central Park
Metrosexual on cell: I can only hope the animal noises are promising for my night.
–Stuyvesant Town
Overheard by: Argopelter
African man to African woman: I told you when you came to this country that you can’t touch old people, you can’t touch children, and you can’t touch animals.
–Central Park, near W 63rd St entrance
Overheard by: birdw0rks
Woman to another: He would go one way and the armadillo would go the other way…
–42nd St, outside Bryant Park
Overheard by: MPW
Sad girl to friend: I’d feel better if I just had lemurs to talk to.
–Washington Square Park
Girl: He has a really amazing skull.
–Bakery, Cortelyou Road
Guy to friend: Why is that girls can get away with picking their noses?
–170th St & Broadway
Loud girl on cell in line at deli: You know I have bladder issues whenever I have sex!
–Broadway & Ooper
Lady suit, screaming into cell: Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! I need a goddamn colon cleanse!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Colin
Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.
–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th
Overheard by: Pleased
Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!
–Peter McMannus Pub
LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jenna K
NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?
–Waverly & Mercer
Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.
–172nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Woman: My sister had a kidney removed when she was 9, and she still uses it.
–Dojo, W 4th St.
Guy: Yeah, the only reason I have kids is that, if I ever need it, I know there’s a compatible kidney around.
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: kjsilopanna
Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I mean, I totally don’t get what your mom’s problem is. I mean, it covers your vagina!
–109th & CPW
Overheard by: Harris Mercer
NYU girl: I wore this to a party the other night, and I thought, ‘Slut, slut slut.’ But then I looked around…
–W 4th & MacDougal
Overheard by: Martin Johnson
Fat Caribbean woman to another: Oh, girls’ skirts today! My daughter — her skirt was so short you could see what she had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!
–5 train
B&T girl to another: Now I have to go home and pick out an outfit to cheat on my boyfriend with for tomorrow night.
–14th & 9th
Overheard by: DocThomp
Teen girl on cell: … Something slutty. … What are you going to wear?
–Union Square Holiday Market
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Yuppie on cell (trying to be discreet): Hey mom. Are you busy? Could you Google Maps me? I'm on Houston and West Broadway. Yeah, I didn't want to ask anyone for directions and make a fool of myself. Although I'm pretty sure I just did, because half of this coffee shop is looking at me now.
–W Houston
Overheard by: Let's face it, we were all new at one point.
40-something yuppie woman: And then I realized that my biggest problem in life is that most of the time I'm incredibly happy, but I'm not aware of how happy I am.
–81st & Madison
Yuppie dad to seven-year-old daughter: Now when you start buying iPods, that's when you're going to want to have a Visa card.
–Stanton & Christie
Overheard by: Ross
Three-year-old yuppie spawn: Noooooooooooo! I don't want Pad Thai! I want sushi!
–Dice Thai, Prospect Park
Overheard by: I'll take sushi too but you're payin', kid
