Druggie #1: No. Technically, if you don't have anything on you, they can't arrest you.
Druggie #2: Are you suggesting we smoke naked?
–Columbia University
Druggie #1: No. Technically, if you don't have anything on you, they can't arrest you.
Druggie #2: Are you suggesting we smoke naked?
–Columbia University
Angry suit chick on phone: No, I am your second bitch, but I still love you!
–41st St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: That guy has his hands full
Cute activist girl, after extended conversation about Kwame Kilpatrick: I mean, you can't just kill a bitch and expect no one to notice!
–LaGuardia Airport
NYU sudent: She's like one of those fabulous bitches though, you know?
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Me too Honey
Guy on cell: A dog show, like where you pick up bitches!
–23rd Ave, Queens
Overheard by: Xavier
College student to friend: I really want to bump into him. Condescending comes across so much better in person. (pause) And I can't wait to be a sarcastic bitch!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Pola
Ex-con to group of friends: I don't mean shit to a bitch! (looks over at a terrified hipstergirl next to him. He takes off his hat) I mean. I have very little value to most ladies.
–C Train
Overheard by: Tim Roth
Bus driver, to man hanging from steps of full bus: Shit, man! You ain't seen five hundred people up in here? And five thousand behind ya?
Man hanging from steps: You ain't seen the whole county up my ass? Three buses gone by, ain't even stop!
Bus driver: It is illegal for me to drive with the door open!
Man hanging from steps: Kiss my ass, it is illegal for me to miss work on parole!
–Borough Hall Bus Stop
Overheard by: Tara
Girl: What does “patronizing a prostitute” mean?
Guy: Uh, it means picking up a hooker.
Girl: Oh. Well, that's what my cousin's boyfriend just got arrested for.
–N Train
Girl on cell: No, mom, I'm not going to flag submissive at a fucking porn convention, pardon my French.
–170th St & Audubon Ave
Blonde to male companion getting off train: Good luck beating those kiddie porn charges!
–N Train
Overheard by: Marin M.
Straight-laced businessman on phone: It's because you won't stop downloading all that porn! If you quit, the popups won't come back.
–Ditmars & 37th, Astoria
Guy: They confuse me for a porn star; no, they don't confuse me with a porn star, they just think I'm a porn star because of my name!
–NYU
Tall thin statuesque black girl looking intently into white guy's eyes: Do you want an open relationship or just want to do porn?
–Midtown
Overheard by: toughchoice
Guy: Yeah, but it's not that hard to keep your mother from having sex with you.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: V
Man, seriously: If I could marry my daughter I would.
–Duke's Deli, SoHo
Random moviegoer: I have to admit the incest was tastefully done.
–Outside IFC Center
Overheard by: when is it ever?
Suit on cell: I'm in love with my cousin.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sean C.
Very gay man to another: I don't know, I'm just not attracted to him at all! Maybe because he's my brother…
–Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Lily Caulfield
Man shouting to friend: Incest free for a whole three weeks! Yeah!
–1 Train
Short Latina: …and you know what, if she keeps on doing what she doing, I'm a put a sue on her.
Fat Latina: Mmm-hmmm!
–100th & Lexington
Male third grader: It's illegal to marry your sibling.
Female third grader: Yeah, unless you're from Europe.
–Bus
Overheard by: wishing i was still 8
Conductor on train: Ladies and gentlemen, if you see the person who is annoyingly pressing the buzzer please direct him to a conductor so they can be arrested and we can all go home.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Allison
Hobo: Now you're going to give me a quarter sir, and then I'm going to arrest you.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Eric
Guy on cell: Mike is getting his crazy ass released? For real? (pause) He's paying taxes?! Thug!
–M Train
Teenybopper: I'm going to jail tonight, I don't care. I'm gonna fuckin' kill that bitch!
–30th b/w 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: eavesdropper
Prospective employee to another: I can't believe she tells me how to fill out the fingerprint card! I've been done hauled to the precinct so many times…
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Ghetto mama: Why somebody call me from prison gotta be my husband? Hell no, that nigga is past tense!
–54 Bus
Drunk dude getting restrained: No, you don't understand. I could murder anyone! Not like my family. My family's all pussies… They're all Ricky Martin!
–Outside Nightcaps, Midwood
Dreadlocked lesbian: I can feel in my heart of hearts that you'll be okay, baby. You didn't kill anybody, you paid a guy to kill somebody.
–Lesbian Bar, Park Slope
Overheard by: gvw
Elderly Eastern European woman to elderly man: A dyke can kill three thousand woman! Most killer in de' world!
–Bedford Avenue & N 10th St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ken Thompson
Little boy exiting bathroom: You're not the only one alive here!
–Regal Cinemas, Union Square
Overheard by: MeiLi
Girl to friend: If I died, and you heard about it–please burn me.
–Astoria, 21st St
Professional woman to another: Well, because I know that you are opposed to genocide and everything…
–Union Square
Three-year-old black girl stabbing at her SpaghettiO's: Die cracker die!
–Day Care Center, Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn
