Our Data Shows a Strong Positive Correlation Between Wednesday and One-Liners

Young woman on phone to friend: I have a fucking physics degree! I can read! He trusts me to run a motherfucking particle accelerator, I can read the mail!

–46th & 6th

Overheard by: Eggmen7

Hobo holding a crumpled napkin high in the air: Science! S-c-…-i-e-n-…-c-e! I did it! Science! Science! S-c-i…-e-n-c-e! I did it!

–Mulberry & Spring

Overheard by: Erica L.

Suit to friend: I'm an evolution science guy. If you want to believe in that nonsense then you gotta admit your god is an underachiever with a good publicist.

–45th b/w 6th & 7th

Woman to teen who has just spilled his coffee on sidewalk: Yeah, gravity is interesting like that.

–35th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jeggy

Male student to female student: Looking out for yourself–the id, the ego–it's part of natural selection, human nature, you know? But there aren't that many people who choose to try to overcome that. Or if there are, I haven't met them. If there's a colony somewhere, I'd like to meet them. Maybe it's just like going to the wrong nightclub, you know?

–Hoffman St & E 187th St

Overheard by: Lucy

Dude on cell: How are you, on a subatomic level?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Friends, God, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Insults, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Philosophy, Questions, School and studying, Science, Soho, Street, Students, Suits, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liner Are the Low Hanging Fruit on the Family Tree

Man on cell: Hey mom… It's your son! You jackass!

–Bleecker & Mercer

Hot girl to hot friend: Has my brother ever told you his glue stories? (friend shakes head) Well… (begins whispering)

–2 Train

Man shouting on cell: I didn't know she was your sister! Jesus!

–Amtrak Train

Four-year-old to another: I'll be the mother and you the daughter, so you the boss of me.

–Ave D

Woman to friend: Not only is he messing with my marriage, but now I gotta tell my kids they ain't brothers!

–Park Ave & 125th St

Woman to another: …so I was fucking your brother.

–Theatre District

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Apologies, Bimbettes, Family Ties, Friends, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liner Get Paid Under the Table

Guy drinking wine: Coming to work wasted is frowned upon, but also lovingly embraced.

–Tartine, West Village

Fake bag hawker to woman in suit with briefcase: Can I get a job, miss? Are you hiring, miss?

–Canal St

Suit: When I die, don't go to my funeral, just go to work.

–33rd St &3rd Ave

Crazy girl on cell: All I know is that I need a really fucking good job with no fucking drug test.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Sam Fez

Weird guy to girl: I mean, I come home from work not feeling sexy at all. (subway car screeches) It's not exactly the most testosterone-filled job there is. (car screeches loudly again, then guy starts using hand motions) I have no idea how to get in the mood again!

–6 Train

Overheard by: fresca

Boss to peon: And grab Mary. (pause) Gently.

–Broadway

Posted on December 17, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Crazies, Death, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Museum of Natural History, Offers and requests, Office politics, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Strangers, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

A No Man's Land Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl: So yeah, that was the most interesting lesbian relationship I've ever had, but she left me for her old science teacher. At least you know where you stand with guys. (sighs)

–Macy's

Overheard by: Nathan

Suit nearing retirement, to his department: Did you ever think that Hilary Clinton just has to be a lesbian?

–Office, Midtown West

Man: I noticed I get checked out the most by women when I'm with a woman, so I started hanging around with lesbians and now we pick up women together.

–1 Train

Hobo, to no one in particular: I'm not a thespian, I'm a lesbian. From Hoboken.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Eric

Crazy hobo: Hillary invented the lesbian vote. There was no lesbian vote before Hillary, she created it! Thirty million lesbians all lined up to vote, and you know what you have to do to get the lesbian vote? You've gotta squeeze it. You have to squeeze the lesbian. How do you get orange juice? You squeeze it! You gotta squeeze the lesbian to get the vote!

–E Train

Overheard by: an unsqueezed lesbian

Angry woman on cell: No, I'm not doing the lesbian thing tonight. No. I'll be home soon.

–Outside Lesbian Bar, Hudson St

Overheard by: lady

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Breaking Up, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Fruit, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hobos, Lies, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Questions, Relationships, Store, Suits, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Bringin' Sexy Barack

Security guy to suit: Why do you all feel like congratulating me for his win? Just cause I'm black doesn't mean I should be congratulated. Why do you keep doing that? What the fuck did I do?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: pop pop

little boy to father: When are the bad people leaving the White House so Obama can be President?

–Grocery Store, 71st & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Rena

FedEx guy to shipping clerk: Obama's gonna go uptown and say, "that's right, niggas, I'z here!"

–W 26th & 6th Ave

Angry black woman on cell: Excuse me! Obama is our President now and I won't be calling you "massa" anymore. You understand?

–Worth & Broadway

Middle-aged black man sitting at bus stop: Not "yo mama," not "Osama," "Obama!" They should paint the White House black. No…that would be irresponsible. Maybe caramel.

–125th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Nicole

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. I want to wish you all a dry, cozy, Obama weekend. Now could you please spare some change for a hungry man? (young black man gives him change) Now that is an Obama voter. (looks around at white people) I will also accept change from McCain voters.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Steph

Guy on phone, announcing to the bar: My baby can say "Obama"!

–Lucky Jack's, Orchard St

Overheard by: Karin

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Colors, Dads, Glad the Condom Broke, Grocery Stores, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Lower East Side, Men, Money & Class, Names, On Cell, On the Subway, Panhandling, Politics, President, Questions, Race, Rockefeller Center, Security Guards, Stupidity, Suits, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Click “It's Complicated”

Man on cell: Listen, you are just not going to meet a young woman who doesn't have a MySpace page, isn't religious, and doesn't want children.

–46th St & 5th St

30-something to friend: Why is it people from the Midwest always ask if you've tried speed dating? It is like the first thing they think of when they hear about a single woman in New York–she must not have tried speed dating yet.

–1st St & 2nd Ave

Girl on cell: I mean, he basically acts like we're living together. But I don't know, like, I almost called him last night and asked, "are we even dating?"

–65th St & 1st Ave

Hispanic lady: I don't need no man, I don't need no man. I got everything I need in my purse.

–Cafe, West Village

Posted on December 10, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Dating, Friends, Girls, Latinos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Myspace, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Relationships, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle When They Hear the Word “Penal”

Woman to two male companions: I've fornicated lots of times, and I've never been arrested!

–A Train, Grand Central

Guy handing out tickets: Comedy club tickets, tickets tickets, get drunk and possibly arrested!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Chadwick

50-something on cell: I was watching America's Most Wanted last night to see if I could see…our boy!

–DeKalb & Cumberland, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lea

Grungy guy, carrying a slice and a bottled drink: I don't believe in putting off till tomorrow what I can do today…because tomorrow I might be back in jail.

–Sheridan Square

Overheard by: Suze Volchok

Guy on cell: It's always comforting when I imagine people I don't like being anally raped in prison.

–Prince & Sullivan

Bus driver: The next stop is QCC. Queens Correctional Cen…I mean, Queens Community College.

–Q27 Bus

Overheard by: hey! i go there …

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Bus Drivers, Crime and Punishment, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Grand Central, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parks, Prison, Rape, School and studying, Sex, Soho, Store, Times Square, TV, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

Plug-and-Play Wednesday One-Liners

Female tv & radio producer: I don't understand how women can have kids today when there are Blackberries.

–Bloomberg

Overheard by: Yalie09

Man to woman at bar: That's the beauty of freezers!

–Bar, 13th St

Woman, to nobody in particular: Excuse me, but does anyone know how to use a Blackberry? I just got it today.

–Long Island Railroad

Girl on cell: It's not my fault, it's the technology.

–W Houston & Hudson St

14-year-old boy to mother: She spends hers on books, markers; on beads for her hair; I spent mine on this PDA to organize my life!

–F Train

Overheard by: ap.scigaj

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Blackberry, Books & Writing, Computer, Fashion, Gadgets, Girls, Hair, Kids, Long Island, Men, Moms, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Soho, Store, Stupidity, Teens, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Get Physical, Physical

Guy on cell: But baby, it's a full body workout, depending on the position.

–Pratt Campus

Jogger on phone: I gotta stay in shape, you know? I'm not getting any younger. Even though the guys I graduated with look worse than I do.

–Marine Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: wantsoutof_bklyn

Older lady to young male athletic facility employee: Do you have big balls? Exercise balls? I want bigger balls than you have there.

–NYU Palladium Athletic Facility, 140 E 14th St

Overheard by: JohnB

Large smoking man with burrito and Margarita: I can never work out, I'm too drunk all the time!

–Blockheads

Overheard by: how do you live?

Sassy black lady: Daaaamn! You're making me walk all the way to 45th Street?

–42nd St

Large Latina on cell: So I grabbed the baby and said "Kali! She likes this!" and started doing squats.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Russel

Posted on December 3, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Black People, Brooklyn, College, Drinking & Drunk People, Fat People, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Height, Latinos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, Parks, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sports, Store, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Put Their Jammies on

Intoxicated girl to another: So, I went into Sleepy's the other day… Apparently, you're not allowed to sleep in there.

–Belle Harbor, Queens

Overheard by: redxdress

Woman coming out of bathroom stall (yawning and stretching): Wow, I just had the most amazing nap!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I<3Auditors Girl to friends: I slept over at Natalie's, and I was really drunk and had taken sleeping pills…

–Staten Island Ferry

Salesgirl to no one in particular: I had the best dream about Aids last night…

–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Joe Roumeliotis

Man on phone: Man, sometimes when I be wakin' up, my body be like "Alright, let's do this!" Then a few minutes later it be like: "Naaaah, fuck it!"

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stepheb

Father to five-year-old son as man in gladiator costume walks by the day after Halloween: That man had a sleepover last night.

–23rd & 3rd

Overheard by: We were all thinking it

Posted on December 3, 2008
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Celebrations/Parties, Dads, Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Ferry, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Queens, Staten Island Ferry, Store, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

On Cell