“Hello? Pot to Kettle Here. You're Wednesday One-Liners.”

Loud, obnoxious man: I hate loud, obnoxious people!

–Nomad Restaurant

Girl with brutal Long Island twang: It's just, like, if you have a Boston accent, you sound, like, so unintelligent. Like, less intelligent than other people, even if you're smart. The accent makes you sound dumb.

–7 Train

Overheard by: IDigGraves94

Angry black woman: Fuck you! I'm a lady!

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Annearchist

Flamboyantly gay man on the phone: Mom, I hate you, stop being such a faggot!

–46th & 5th

Suit on cell: Yeah? Well, she's a bitch and deserves to die. You wanna know why? Because she's ugly and she talks bad about people.

–47th St & 9th Ave

Tourist chick carrying a Starbucks coffee and three shopping bags to friend: We are the type to visit Wall Street and say capitalism is bullshit!

–Broadway & Cedar

Overheard by: mondoman

Posted on December 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Death, Family Ties, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Hannibal the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on bench smoking cigarette, on cell: But he has no problem lifting his legs so you can eat his ass.

–Central Park

Cornrowed boy to cornrowed girl: Stop chewing on me!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Kelly D

Random girl showing a picture to friends: I'm eating the baby's head. It's what I do in my spare time.

–College of Staten Island

Overheard by: Nameless

Woman to another with colored contacts: I just want to eat your eyes!

–Elevator, Broadway & 32nd St

Four-year-old boy to teenage babysitter: Oh, yeah? I'm gonna bite your vagina!

–86th & Broadway

Woody Allen lookalike: But buses are so creepy. I mean, what if there are cannibals on the bus?

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: or snakes

Posted on December 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Body Parts, Boys, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Leisure, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Staten Island, Stupidity, Teens, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Appeal the Restraining Order

Jamaican woman on cell: Guess what? I don't stalk people anymore!

–Metro-North Train

Overheard by: Kristen

Guy to another: I know where you live. I could totally stalk you.

–PATH Train

Overheard by: fish

Man on corner holding many whistles for sale, wearing multicolored, umbrella hat: Young man, get one for your skateboard. Great for bikers, joggers, walkers, fast talkers and park stalkers!

–59th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Emily

Woman on cell: Right, right…I want to show him that's not me: I'm *not* stalking him…I'm *not* obsessed with him.

–West 66 Street & Freedom Place

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

40-something woman to sister (waiting for Daniel Radcliffe to come out after first preview of Equus: Okay, let's go. It's okay. I saw him last week, and I know where he lives.

–Broadhurst Theatre

Overheard by: ouch, you just elbowed me in the face, bitch

Posted on December 24, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Guys, Harassment, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Sisters, Sports, Theater, Theater & Dance, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liner Pull the Trigger With Their Toes

Cheerful man with baby strapped to his chest: Lets all go stick our heads in the microwave!

–77th & Broadway

Overheard by: rachel

40-something man: They just upped my credit limit to $3,500, so on top of the few hundred I have saved up, I guess you could call me a ghetto millionaire… (later) So she's all depressed and wants to kill herself, says she's gonna jump off something. I told her, "Girl, you live in Duluth. You jump off anything there, the only thing that'll happen is you'll break your leg.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: He later used my shoulder as a pillow

Girl on cell: What a fucking selfish bitch. I can't believe she did that. I mean, I know she was like depressed or whatever, but you don't just hang yourself at your ex-boyfriend's house. (pause) No, I'm sorry, you don't just wait for everyone to go to sleep, sneak out, and hang yourself so then everyone has to find you like that. What a bitch.

–Megabus NYC

Overheard by: Tina

MTA employee, in between ordering food: They're all jumping on the tracks now. Everybody's committing suicide. They used to wait until Christmas. Now it's every day!

–Restaurant, Kew Gardens

Overheard by: Abbieprime

Posted on December 24, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Death, Ew, Jersey, Girls, Insults, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, Psychology, Public Transportation, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Suicide, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are Waiting for the Tooth Fairy

Lady on cell: I've been standing here for like fifteen minutes…I don't know which one to choose. It's so hard…it's been like years since I've bought toothpaste.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Doreen

40-something woman: I'm always wondering, is it teeth or tits?

–MJ Armstrong's Public House

Overheard by: JP

Girl to friends looking into camera: Jane* got the foreskin stuck in her teeth.

–Grand St, Brooklyn

Mother to daughter: Your tooth came out last night. I didn't want to disturb you, but at least you have your other teeth in.

–Hester & Grand

Flustered strand employee: He left his teeth on the floor and just took off!

–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway

Posted on December 24, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Duane Reade, Families, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Rack, Store, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Did You Spring for a Frosty?

Teen girl on cell: Did you take her to Wendy's or a restaurant? (pause) Aww…you love her!

–Diner, 14th St

Overheard by: Bess

Posted on December 20, 2008
Food, Junk Food & Fast Food, Love, On Cell, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens

Come On–We New Yorkers Have Rules

Crazy 20-something woman, screaming into cell: But where have you been? (sobs) I've been waiting for you. Where are you? (screaming louder) It's been hours, where are you? Where are you? How could you do this to me? Where are you?
(everyone on sidewalk turns around as she passes)
Man: It is way too early for that.
Woman: Yeah, that's the kind of call you make at 3 am, when you're drunk.

–Taxi Line, Penn Station

Overheard by: Nancy

Posted on December 18, 2008
Anger Management, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Men, On Cell, Questions, Time, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Do It Via Text

Girl on cell: My ex-boyfriend used to call the subway "The MTA," and I was like, "Yeah…this isn't working out."

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I would've dumped him too

Teenager on cell: If, hypothetically, what we had been doing was dating, then technically, hypothetically, he just broke up with me. Fucking douche.

–Finacial District

Cute girl: Don't you know the rules of break-ups? You have to clean out the drawer. You can't bring old lube to a new relationship.

–Essex & Grand

Overheard by: yaletownkid

Guy to friend: So you're telling me that I broke up with her because of lube?

–Park Slope

Guy on cell: Look, I know I said "forever." It's not your fault! To be honest, I just never really liked you that much!

–West 4th St. Subway Entrance

Preppy boy: That was the worst part about breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. She got a 50% discount at Polo!

–Bloomingdale's

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Dating, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Love, Lower East Side, Lube, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penn Station, Preppies, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Store, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are 99.9% Effective When Used Properly

Middle-aged lady to guy handing out Obama and McCain condoms: Now I've got something to play with tonight! All I need is a man.

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: I Hate Times Square

30-something dad on cell pushing small child in stroller: You know, I'm all in favor of that Plan B medication.

–Park Slope, Prospect Park

Overheard by: Alex

Girl in elevator to friend: I don't even know why you need condoms, they break anyway. But I didn't get pregnant!

–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Kar

Guy at the sidewalk: Anybody wants McCain, Obama and Palin condoms? McCain, Obama and Palin condoms…get it here! Because either way, you're screwed!

–Times Square

Overheard by: non voter

Girl to bartender: Can I get some of those condoms? (bartender takes out two) I mean, like a bunch? I'm a big dirtbag.

–Boss Tweeds

Suit on cell: You just wrap it in duct tape and put a condom on it.

–7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Brooklyn, College, Condoms, Dads, Friends, Girls, Guys, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Park Slope, Parks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, President, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Eric Cartman: “Wednesday One-Liner My Authori-tay!”

Disrespectful dude: We don't respect our old people here. Just makes more sense.

–Penn Station

Boisterous, deep voiced, West Indian woman: Miss, if you want respect, you must give respect! (pause) What the fuck are you gonna do about it? (pause) Miss, we will fight and we will die on this bus!

–Bus, Church Ave

Overheard by: Dena C.

Conductor: Please step away from the doors. (pause) I'm asking you in a nice way to please step away from the doors. (pause) If you do it out of respect for me, or, um, I guess, you don't have to, but at least respect the other passengers.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Vivi

Guy: Yeah, I would never fart in her face, that's disrespectful.

–Madison Sqaure Garden

Overheard by: adelynn

Emphatic bakery delivery man to store manager: You guys don't respect my bread.

–46th St & 43rd Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Anna Rose

Guy on cell: I lost all respect for her after she fucked the ice cream man.

–Dust Bowl, Central Park

Overheard by: Jay Softe