Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Understand the Caucus System

Bleach-blonde: I would totally vote for McCain if Miley Cyrus were his running mate.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Democrat

Woman: Oh, I am definitely a single-issue voter. And right now, that issue is: Which one of the candidates can get me to a bathroom soonest?

–7th Avenue, Park Slope

Overheard by: Chuckell

Drunk hobo to a group of pigeons: And they’re all Democrats. Can’t trust them Democrats.

–Washington Square Park

Young African American woman speaking animatedly on cell: … Vice president? Why should I run for Vice President, I’m doing better than you, bitch! "Dream ticket!" That’s why I hate white liberals. They don’t know when they’re fucked up. Republicans don’t give a shit about you, but they know it.

–124th St, Harlem

Drunk wheelbo, shouting across the entire ferry terminal: Hillary, Hillary, she’s our man! If she can’t do it, no one can!

–Whitehall Ferry Terminal

Lady on cell: When you done turn Governor, you can’t play dat shit…

–Associated Supermarket, Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PdQ

Posted on February 4, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Drunks, Ferry, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Offers and requests, On Cell, Park Slope, Parks, Politics, President, Questions, Store, Street, Threats, Washington Square Park, Wheelbos, Women

Engorged, Throbbing Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to another: Eat the penis, Danielle, eat the penis.

–New Jersey Transit train out of Penn Station

Overheard by: Tootles McGee

Black guy: Yo! Where my penis at?

–Bergenline Bus

Overheard by: Don’t know how he lost it to begin with

Guy with big dog to girlfriend: Is my cock straight?

–12th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Amanda

Five-year-old son to father helping him ride a bicycle, seeing wooden posts out of the water: Daddy, is that a huge penis?

–South Seaport

Female suit: Their penises don’t care!

–Times Square

Hobo: I’m the unluckiest son of a bitch I know! If it were raining vaginas, I’d get hit in the head with a penis.

–5th Ave

Girl on cell: That’s good… Did you like the peen? The peen? Did you like the penis, mother? The penis? Oh good, I though you would.

–9th & Prospect Park

Overheard by: Other Side of the Fence

Posted on January 24, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Boyfriends, Boys, Brooklyn, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hobos, Kids, On Cell, On the Bus, Penis, Penn Station, Questions, Suits, The Village, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Toot Their Own Horns

Guy on cell: Guitars… guitarists, guitarists… drummers, yeah, any musicians… Girls, yeah! Girls!

–Prospect Heights

Suave European guy: I am playing the piano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Librarianish-looking woman: He asked me if I wanted to blow his tuba, and I said, "sure!". It was amazingly harder than I thought it would be. And, he’s bringing his organ tomorrow so I can play with it.

–Battery Park Starbucks

30-something woman: My consultant was telling me I should try not to sound elitist. But that’s really hard for me. I mean, I have two master’s degrees and I play the violin.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Bodybuilder on cell: I’m thinking a harpsichord, a wig, and a whole lotta talcum powder.

–Chinatown Bus

Blonde high school girl: Grinding is as practical as playing the harpsichord was for Jane Austen.

–Upper East Side

Posted on January 11, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Battery Park, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Education, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Innuendo, Instruments, Music, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Questions, Starbucks, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Women, Words

Janie Got a Wednesday One-Liner

Voice over employee's walkie-talkie: Okay, I really need those guns. Anyone who has one, I need it down in bridal.

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Obnoxious woman: So I said, "motherfucker, I'm not your sister–I'm your cousin. So I will shoot you."

–Uptown 2 Train

Large black man: If you ain't got no bullets, you gotsta melee!

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Overheard by: Zach

Wannabe hip-hopper, trying to sell CD: It's clean music, and I ain't never shot no one!

–Union Square

20-something guy on cell: They got no right to bring up that gun charge, it's over ten years old!

–19th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emily Davidson

Dude, after chatting to policewoman: I just have a thing for women in uniform! My mind says, "no, no, settle down," and my penis says, "but she's got a gun!"

–Hudson & Laight

Posted on December 29, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Cops, Family Ties, Fat People, Guys, Insults, Marriage, Men, Musicians, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Shoot, Singing, Store, Street, Threats, Time, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“It's Not You. It's Wednesday One-Liner.”

Screaming, sobbing middle-aged woman to man: Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me? We made beautiful love last night! Why are you doing this to me?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Laura

Angry woman on cell: You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me! We are done!

–147th & St Nicholas

Man on cell: I'm going to fucking dump that job, like girls dump me.

–45th & 8th

Girl on phone: No wonder he broke up with you, you are a pain in the ass!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Laura

Teen girl on cell: Are you fucking kidding me? You're breaking up with me because I didn't let you lick chocolate off my coochie? That shit's fucked up!

–Bloomingdale's

Posted on December 20, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Ass, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Licking, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Sex, Store, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Dr. King Must Have Been Dreaming

White guy on cell: Yo, shit nigga, this shit the bomb!
Black guy: If you close your eyes, he almost sounds like the real deal.

–Houston & Varick

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Posted on December 14, 2017
Black People, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, Race, Talking/Convos, The Village, White People

Wednesday One-liners Are a Matter of Opinion

Ethan Hawke: Man, everybody’s fat.

–Employees Only, Hudson St

Overheard by: molly

Guy on cell: But you’re not fat in America!

–Ozzie’s Coffee III, 5th Ave, Park Slope

Posted on December 13, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Celebrities, Celebrities Overheard, Diet/Weight, Fat People, History & Geography, On Cell, Park Slope, People, Places, Restaurants & Cafes, Topics, Venues, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

And That’s One to Grow On

Guy on cell: Seriously [Bryan] the shit won’t go away! The fucking rash is still there….yes, I put that cream on my dick but shit, it’s still there!…Oh, I have to put the cream on more than once? You never mentioned that.
Woman: Sweetie, everyone knows you have to put cream on more than once, no matter where you put it.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ali

Posted on November 27, 2017
Advice, Guys, Medicine, On Cell, Penis, Penn Station, STDs, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Wear Heels in Bed

Obnoxious NYU student on phone: Hey, remember that cute boy in my chemistry class I was telling you about? Well, I totally just saw him in a gay porno!

–Study Room, NYU Dorm

Overheard by: NYU Ears

Patient woman: She's making friends with an old porn star, leave her alone!

–2nd Ave b/w 50th & 51st

Overheard by: sab

Cranky suit to nodding friend: Except for porn and eBay, no one knows how to make money anymore!

–Madison Ave & 47th St

Overheard by: kricka

Girl to friend: This would be a great place to shoot a porno.

–Downstairs Bar, Morimoto Restaurant

iPhone screamer: Yeah, just take the exec-u-table file and put it in the folder. Right the exec-u-table file! I know, the music is funny, like a porno, right?

–33rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Chick: You *know* we're all going to be googling "eggbeater porn" before the night is over.

–Party, 171st & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on November 23, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, e-Bay, Film, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Google, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Porn, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Students, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Sand to the Beach

Playa on cell: I know there will. That’s why I’m not bringin’ my shortie. You don’t bring sand to the beach, playa. Huh-huh.

–Stanton + Forsythe, LES

Overheard by: Cityrag.com (Hi, Buddy!)

Posted on November 4, 2017
Compare/Contrast, On Cell, One-liners, Players, Sex, Store

On Cell