I Like It Better When They Talk About Starbucks

Guy on cell: OK, well, be safe. If you get raped make sure he wears a condom.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Daniel

Girl: Don’t let me talk to boys after I take blue pills.

–31st & 2nd

Girl #1: Sometimes he like to rape my ass.
Girl #2: Ew! Hee hee.

–outside The Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Josh Neufeld

Girl #1: Well, she was raped.
Girl #2: I wasn’t really raped.

–Vertigo, 26th & 3rd

Yuppie chick #1: Sweetie, you’re going to get raped dressed like that.
Yuppie chick #2: No. I have an umbrella.

–Delancey & Allen

Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti

Posted on March 30, 2018
Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Clothing, Condoms, Drugs, Fashion, Health and Hygiene, Lower East Side, Manhattan, More museums, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Museums, On Cell, Places, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Rape, Sex, Venues, Violence, Williamsburg, Yuppies

Dirty, Sexy Wednesday One-Liners

Young gay guy in Daisy Dukes, shades and tank top, yammering away on cell: Is it totally acceptable to have sex on the beach there?

–43rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Anna Rose

Teen boy to friend: If I were a giant I'd fuck the Statue of Liberty!

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Henry

Chick to friend: As soon as I get over this yeast infection, I'm gonna bang the shit out of him.

–McDonald's, Times Square

Overheard by: Keep It Movin'

Black guy on cell: Penetration?! Penetration?! It ain't about penetration, it's all about sensation.

–E 4th St

Overheard by: girl named sugar

Drunk man to drunk woman, while making out against a car: Let's just go with it…let's just fuck on top of the car.

–Bleecker & Macdougal

Girl to the guy at the next table: Haven't I slept with you before?

–Stabrucks, 78th & Lexington

Overheard by: Ashlee

Posted on March 21, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Biotechs, Black People, Cars and Driving, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Height, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Starbucks, Statue of Liberty, STDs, Strangers, Street, Teens, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Joy Luck Wednesday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: I'm sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!

–59th St & 11th

Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They're all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there's one English guy.

–Grand Street Stop, D Train

Overheard by: Justin W

Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me–I honestly can't tell them apart!

–Port Authority

20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: RedShikari

Posted on March 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brothers, Chinese, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Illness, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Trains Not Subway, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Dude, You Totally Just Lost Your New Hag

Fat chick on cell: Well, it kind of sucks because the subway is
like two avenue blocks away and–
Queer passerby: And there’s no Krispy Kreme in between?

–Astoria

Posted on February 25, 2018
Astoria, Comebacks, Fat People, Food, Gripes, On Cell, Queer guys

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Know How to Quit You

Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with?

–9th & 47th

Overheard by: wondering

Older queer to boyfriend: There's nothing like listening to Bach after having sex!

–W 72nd St, Record Store

Overheard by: I'll have to try that sometime…

(40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads "Big and tall active bottoms")
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you're in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that!

–KMart, Penn Station

Overheard by: RoverUSA

Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don't even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain't my kid.

–M15 Bus

Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents…

–86th St & Lexington

Posted on February 22, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Boyfriends, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Harassment, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penn Station, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Singing, Store, Street, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Linered…With Children

Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex.

–Dumbo, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tanya

Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem.

–64th & Amsterdam

Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you!

–Target Store, Brooklyn

Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later.

–28th & Park Avenue South

Overheard by: Alie

Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again?

–61st & Amsterdam

Posted on February 20, 2018
Advice, Age/Aging, Asians, Brooklyn, Girls, Glad the Condom Broke, Insults, Jews, Kids, Latinos, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Relationships, Religion, Sex, Store, Street, Teachers/Professors, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

I Was Born a Wednesday, but I Identify With One-Liners

Guy to girlfriend and friend: Goddammit, neither one of you is a gay man trapped in a woman's body.

–8th & 9th

Overheard by: cracking up

Girl on cell: Are all she-males gay? Cause if they're into women, sign me up.

–Astor Place

Teen on cell: Dudes have, like, purses here…

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Al-master

Guy to friend: She's not a tranny, but she's, y'know: tran-y.

–Grand St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: KateM

Man on cell: You and I are both complex women. It's more complicated than that.

–21st St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Ben

Posted on February 10, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Fashion, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girlfriends, Guys, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sexuality, Street, Teens, The Village, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Probably That You Are So Wonderfully Intelligent He Felt Unworthy

Young woman on cell: He said he just wasn’t attracted to me. What do you think he meant by that?

–60th & Madison

Overheard by: The New York Crank

Posted on February 9, 2018
Breaking Up, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Stupidity, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Understand the Caucus System

Bleach-blonde: I would totally vote for McCain if Miley Cyrus were his running mate.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Democrat

Woman: Oh, I am definitely a single-issue voter. And right now, that issue is: Which one of the candidates can get me to a bathroom soonest?

–7th Avenue, Park Slope

Overheard by: Chuckell

Drunk hobo to a group of pigeons: And they’re all Democrats. Can’t trust them Democrats.

–Washington Square Park

Young African American woman speaking animatedly on cell: … Vice president? Why should I run for Vice President, I’m doing better than you, bitch! "Dream ticket!" That’s why I hate white liberals. They don’t know when they’re fucked up. Republicans don’t give a shit about you, but they know it.

–124th St, Harlem

Drunk wheelbo, shouting across the entire ferry terminal: Hillary, Hillary, she’s our man! If she can’t do it, no one can!

–Whitehall Ferry Terminal

Lady on cell: When you done turn Governor, you can’t play dat shit…

–Associated Supermarket, Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PdQ