Who Wears the Pants in Your Wednesday One-Liners?

Older man: If you drank a thousand gallons of beer, and then took off your pants…

–79th & West End

Girl to guy with beavers on pants: Excuse me, are those beavers on your pants?

–6 Train

20-something preppy girl on cell: Whenever I'm cheating on my boyfriend, I take off my pants and pretend to be an albino bunny.

–Central Park

Overheard by: that one girl

Guy on cell: If I don't get in her pants tonight, I'm gonna fuck you up!

–1st Ave

Aging drag queen to friend: It's much better than sick obsessions with blond males between the ages of 18 and 25 who always take their pants off to play GameCube.

–The Village

Overheard by: Amused NYU Tischie

Posted on August 19, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Central Park, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drag queens, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hair, Infidelity, Men, Nudity, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Preppies, Questions, Sex, Street, The Village, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners: Over a Billion Served.

McDonald's cashier: You gonna eat all that yourself? Haven't you seen that movie Supersize Me?

–McDonald's

Overheard by: Blayne

Thug: Yo, shorty, lemme buy you something special at McDonald's, show you I ain't a cheap date… why you laughin?

–117th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Jesse D

Obnoxious Southern tourist: Let's take a taxi back to the hotel, and then take the truck and eat at McDonald's again.

–W 49th & 5th

Overheard by: canucks

Haggardly old lady on cell: Damn, dude, I saw you at McDonald's checking me out yesterday!

–Broadway & 4th St

Overheard by: Jalex Leoley

Born-again evangelical, proselytizing: Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger!

–Staten Island Ferry

Bro: If she doesn't want to go to McDonald's every once in a while, I don't love her.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: alana h.

Posted on August 19, 2009
Cars and Driving, Cashiers, Christians, Church, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Dating, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Junk Food & Fast Food, Laughter, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Movies, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Southerners, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Thugs, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Let a Smile Be Your Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on cell: How can you be happy if you're acting like such a bitch all time?

–Melrose Ave & 154th St

Puerto Rican barista, as A-Team music starts playing: The A-Team! Man, that makes me think of when I was young and still happy!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Chris K.

30-something woman: I'm going to see Transformers. Transformers! Daa naa na naaa! You have to be happy in life, everybody is dying.

–34th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Frank Molla

Girl on cell, vehemently: I'm trying brown eyeliner. I hope this makes you happy!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ashley

20-something girl: Just put some alcohol in me and I'll be happy.

–St. Mark's Place

Posted on August 19, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Colors, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Happiness, Insults, Makeup, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nostalgia, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Train Station, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Ooo, Is That Excrement?!

Lady #1: It smells so nice here!
Lady #2: That would be the sewage.

–Canal St

Posted on August 13, 2009
Garbage, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Street, Women

I Asked If She Had a Ride to the Abortion Clinic

Guy to friend: It turns out that she's pregnant, so I popped the question.
Friend: You asked her if she was pregnant?

–5th Ave

Posted on August 13, 2009
Friends, Guys, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Street

Wednesday One-Liners Really Need to Montauk

Asian fag to white hag: So if a natural disaster happened and Long Island had to be evacuated, we'd, like, all be screwed!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Woman on cell: You all should come to Long Island. They're fucking civilized over there.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Smitten Kitten

Hipster on cell, suddenly yelling: Mom, I live in New York City, not Long Island! New York City! Get a map. I live in New York City.

–Greenpoint

20-something blonde on cell: Uh… Long Island… that's on the East Side, right?

–John St & Cliff St

Overheard by: BennyP

Jersey girl to Long Island guys: Oh my god! I've never been to Long Island! I'll need rockstar directions! Oh, and I totally have camel toe!

–51st & 6th

Overheard by: Fanx 4 that

Posted on August 12, 2009
Accidents, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, B & T, Battery Park, Brooklyn, Death, Fag Hags, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

Are You Ready to Accept Wednesday As Your Personal One-Liner?

Crazy preacher man: Look up! You see that ball in the sky? It's not the sun. It's hell!

–Times Square

Subway preacher: Someone is gonna drive your car to your funeral, wearing your bling bling.

–Downtown A Train

Street bible pusher: Don't wait for the asteroids to rain down on you! Asteroids are heading this way now!

–6th Ave & 32nd St

Random crazy dude: Repent, all ye sinners! Get your ass to Genesis!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: LiD

Street preacher handing out bible verses: Jesus saves! Jesus saves! (to suit walking by) Not you! There's nothing good about you!

–8th Ave below 23rd St

Posted on August 12, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Comebacks, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Fashion, God Squad, Jesus, On the Subway, One-liners, Preachers, Questions, Religion, Satan, Street, Suits, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesdays Wet Their One-Liners

Girl: So then I said "mother, I am 20 years old and you cannot tell me I can't go to Wet 'n Wild!"

–Central Park

Overheard by: Quella

Weird chick: Eeeeek! That toilet is flooding! My Payless shoes are getting wet! My beautiful Payless shoes! All this water looks like that movie, The Blob! Oh, I hate you, Steve McQueen! I hate you, I hate you!

–Women's Restroom, Port Authority

Overheard by: Amber Star

Drunk girl to drunker friend who spilled beer on her lap: Again with the vaginal wetness?

–LIRR

Guy to a girl in laundromat: Why can't you dry your underwear? Is that because they're so used to being wet when you're wearing them?

–1st. Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: Mike

Girl to boy: So about this whole wet dream thingy…

–C Train

Posted on August 12, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Central Park, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Horny, Laundromat, Movies, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Port Authority, Questions, Shoes, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Incomprehensible Wednesday One-Liners from Japan

Girl wearing yoga outfit to friend: And I'm like "you know that your face looks like a fucking cartoon character, don't you?"

–Houston & Mott

Overheard by: JohnJayinNYC

Teen boy: I don't like people. I just like Pokemon.

–Chipotle, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike N

Blipster: Girl, you know I already got a headache and then she all up in my face with that Dragon Ball Z breath.

–Fulton & Pearl

Girl, during promo network commercial before Up: It is not Cartoon Network if there are real people. I refuse to watch this show.

–Movie Theatre, Battery Park

Overheard by: Yelena

Excited man on cell: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? What are they? People love ancient Egypt way more than ninja turtles.

–Hungarian Pastry Shop

Overheard by: Casey Black

Scruffy hipster to friend: Now all we need to do is find Splinter and Donatello.

–L Train

Overheard by: lilli

Posted on August 12, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, History & Geography, Insults, Men, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Teens, TV, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liner

Lady to dog: Pee! Pee! Pee! Poo on the universe!

–E 9th St

Overheard by: Jen

Well-dressed woman to little dog: Baby, those are cars. Cars are not our friends. You must always stay away from them… Are you listening to me?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Murphy

Woman, shrieking at barking dogs: Stop being crazy!

–Central Park

Overheard by: NB

Woman to Shih Tzu: Yo! I'm walking you, you're not walking me–calm down!

–109 & Manhattan Ave

Dog walker to dog, ranting: Bailey, I am so angry with you! (dog wags tail) Don't you even look at me right now! (yanks dog's leash) I'm taking the television out of your room! No more American Idol for you! (storms across street)

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: allison

Woman to dog sniffing random things: Focus. Fo-cus. Shit.

–Melrose & Wilson

Overheard by: richhorner.com

Posted on August 5, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Crazy, Friendship, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Madison Square Garden, Man's Best Friend, One-liners, Parks, Pee, Poop, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Threats, TV, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women