Crazy lady: Where are we?
Stranger: New York City.
Crazy lady: Should I call 911?
–Amtrak
Overheard by: tj
Crazy lady: Where are we?
Stranger: New York City.
Crazy lady: Should I call 911?
–Amtrak
Overheard by: tj
Girl to friend: I told him you had fucking mad STDs because he said he wanted to fuck you. (pause) You're welcome!
–Washington Square Park
Suit exiting cab: Yo, make sure you don't give him your number. He's got crabs.
–30th Ave & 30th St, Astoria
Overheard by: OhKellyO
Blonde 20-something on phone: Either the universe just proved there is no god, or he is a motherfucking cunt! (pauses, then in low tone) Because… I think I have herpes.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: close enough to hear the herpes part
Thug to thugette: I didn't have warts on my body till I met you.
–Metro North
Overheard by: baconista
Guy on cell, leaning casually against fire hydrant: Hey, so, I just got my test results back, and… uh… so I got herpes. So… maybe you should get yourself tested. (pause) No, no, no. No. No! Dammit, Jessica, listen, I… fuck. Sorry, Jennifer. No, I–no, I'm sorry, I've just been making this call a lot today. (pause) Hello?
–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Kytt
Cute nerd-girl playing scrabble #1: Did you see that episode where Data made a daughter? It was so good, and so sad!
Cute nerd-girl playing scrabble #2: Yeah, it was.
Cute nerd #1: And do you remember the episode when the little boy idolized data…
Cute nerd #2 interrupting: I remember all the episodes.
Cute nerd #1: But there was this one scene…
Cute nerd #2: I remember that scene.
Cute nerd #1: But I didn’t finish…
Cute nerd #2: I remember all the scenes. Seriously. There was one time when my friend was flipping channels, and she flipped to Star Trek. And I only saw like, a quarter of a second of it, with Dr Crusher bending over a patient, and I said, “‘his blood is turning to some kind of liquid polymer.'” and then Dr Crusher said, “His blood is turning to some kind of liquid polymer!” It’s like when some people hear like 3 seconds of a song and can identify it. I can do that with Star Trek.
–Starbucks, 2nd & 9th
Older woman: Mice grow up to be rats. I have mice.
Older guy: No, they don't!
Older woman: Yes they do, mice grow up to be rats.
Older guy: No, they don't! They're different species. They're cousins.
Older woman: No, they aren't!
Older guy: Yes, they are–they're cousins, like rabbits and squirrels.
Older woman: No–mice grow up to be rats!
Older guy: No, they don't! There are even different species of rats. German rats,
Norwegian rats…
Older woman: Okay, let's change the subject–I hate rats.
Older guy: Do you know pigeons have strokes?
Older woman: What?
Older guy: Pigeons have strokes. They don't last long, but they do.
Older woman: Uh…okay.
Older guy: Pigeons learn to fly when they're five weeks old.
–A Train
Guy on phone: It's probably something beyond the bestiality in why you didn't get hired.
–4th & Lafayette
Overheard by: andy
Disembodied voice in crowd: Necrophilia, really?
–Times Square
Man: The thing is: my safety word is "No, harder, harder."
–NY Comic Con
Girl: No, seriously, my parents used to have like a harness and a leash for me, because I used to run away in the airport all the time.
–Fordham Law School
Girl to friend: Hot wax and genitals…either very good, or very, very bad.
–1st Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Will
Guy: Great. She doesn't even know me and already she thinks I have a produce fetish.
–Whole Foods, Chelsea
Overheard by: Hunter (aka,
Girl to friend: I absolutely love toast! Ya know?
Friend: I know! I pay homage to it every morning!
–Times Square
Emaciated goth/punk guy: Hey, do you know where a CVS is?
Passerby suit: I don't know what that is…
Passerby preppy girl: Are you looking for a CVS?
Emaciated goth/punk guy: Yes!
Preppy girl: Well, there's a Duane Reade right there, it's like, the same thing.
Emaciated goth/punk guy, matter-of-factly: I know, it's just impossible to steal from Duane Reade.
Preppy girl: Oh.
Emaciated goth/punk guy: I'm really poor.
Preppy girl: Okay.
Emaciated goth/punk guy, cheerful: Thanks anyway!
Preppy girl, also cheerful: You're welcome!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Hannah
Tourist, pointing at “No Standing” sign stretching across whole block: How does this work?
–44th & 6th
Man: Virginity is a state of mind.
Woman: I beg to differ. My hymen has been ruptured.
–Brooklyn Lyceum
Preppy gay guy: I thought she already had cancer?
Preppy fag hag, dawning realization: You're right! She did… definitely.
–Bleecker & Grove
Overheard by: jams
