Girls

I Mean, It Tasted Udderly Disgusting!

Asian girl: O-M-G, did you try the bull’s penis?! Was it big?!
Asian guy #1: Yeah, it was pretty nasty.
Asian girl, pointing to Asian guy #2: Oooh, he tried the cow’s tongue!
Asian guy #2: Uh, can we not talk about that?

–Famous Pizza, Kisseria Blvd, Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Sajel

Headline by: KatieNB

Runners-Up:
· “Everybody Knows All the Best Asian Sex Clubs Are in Queens” – PeterG
· “Eww, He Ate the Tongue That Licked the Bull Penis That I Ate! That’s Like Hooking Up Indirectly.” – Whoscawatziz
· “Fear Factor Here = Food Network Over There” – Jimmy
· “One’s a Lifestyle Choice, the Other’s Just Sick” – Gerald Lanning
· “Penis, It’s What’s For Dinner!” – DR G LUV

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Did the Boy Oversleep, Too?

Big black guy: I thought she was goin’ to get an abortion?
Tiny Rican girl: Yeah, but she overslept and missed her appointment.
Big black guy: How do you miss an abortion appointment?!
Tiny Rican girl: Well she’s only seventeen, she’s not really responsible yet.
Big black guy, yelling: Well then maybe she shouldn’t have been thinking about sex yet! For Christ’s sake she missed her abortion appointment! What a whore!

–H&M, Brooklyn

Overheard by: SaraSil

When I Press a Button on the TV, It Talks to Me.

Hipster girl: So I keep thinking inanimate objects are things.
Friend: They are things.
Hipster girl: I mean like thinking things.

–NYU

Also, Stop Calling Yourself ‘Some 14 Year-Old’

Teen girl: So I found a picture of him on facebook, half-naked, being straddled by some fourteen-year-old with a bottle of Jack Daniels in her hand. I swear, my brother has all of my precocity, but none of my charm.
Older guy: Oh yeah, and none of your humility either.

–96th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: kids these days…

Because Then I Could Pull a Woody Allen

Little girl to her father: Stop telling me that! I’m not adopted!
Father: But sometimes I wish you were.

–Multiplex Cinemas, Flushing

Overheard by: Ms. Hazard

Did You Even Read the Sign I Was Waving by the Side of the Road?

30-ish suit: I don’t think you really like me, just the *idea* of me. You know, I come off great at parties, and I make a lot of money, but really…
20-something hippie girl: Wait, wait…I just wanted easy sex.

–Union Square

Keep Your Friends Close, and White Devils Closer

Black girl #1: So why did you decide to come to New York?
Black girl #2: Because I hate white people.

–NYU

Overheard by: Cracker Apparently In the Wrong City

And I’m Like, You Just Happened to Have a Video Camera?

Teenage girl: My mom is always walkin’ in on me having sex. I’m all like, mom what the fuck, I’m all having sex. Get the fuck out.
Teenage boy: Oh daaamn, I hate that. I always turn the music up real loud so my mom can’t hear me fuck. I fucked my girl to that Akon song. I was in her so deep and that shit was just pumpin’!
Girl: Ohh daaamn.
Boy: You need to tell your mom to get all out yo shit.
Girl: Yeah, she’s always walkin’ in right in the middle and I’m all like, mom get out. Then she tells me she didn’t know, and I’m like, mom I don’t got to tell you every time I’m having sex.

–Target, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Nate

You’re Just Jealous Because Heath Ledger’s Housekeeper Called Me and Not You

Skinny girl #1: … And these guys always want to do blow with me, like all the time, it’s so weird!
Skinny girl #2: Awww, no one ever wants to do blow with me.
Skinny girl #1, whispering loudly: That’s because your ass is the size of Russia.

–Tiffany & Co.

Overheard by: EDW

…to Go

Girl: Well, you would have to be loaded to get someone to wash your balls every hour.
Guy: No, I wouldn’t. I could do that shit now! Just pay someone who works at McDonald’s five bucks an hour more, they would so do it.
Girl: Yah, but do you really want someone who worked at McDonald’s washing your balls?
Guy: I’m getting a chubby.

–Greene St & Spring St

Overheard by: Laughed Out Loud

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