From Sodom to SoHo

Man #1: I have a book coming out this year, so I’m looking forward to that.
Man #2: Oh, yeah? What’s it about?
Man #1: It’s an oral history of anal sex.
Man #2: [Silence.]Man #1: It was a lot of hard work, but it was a real labor of love.

–Locker room, McBurney YMCA, 14th St & 6th Ave

Headline by: Ryan

Runners-Up:

· “”Annals of Anal”” – Janet E.

· “But the Title is a Mouthful” – Meredith

· “It’s called ‘Talking Out of Your Ass'” – Chris Polubinski

· “Love’s Labours Lubed” – CJC

· “Rim & Punishment” – Fru

· “The Mangina Monologues” – bowloftoast

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 15, 2007
Backdoor, Books & Writing, Gyms, Headline Contest Winners, Men, Talking/Convos

It’s Like That Frampton Song, but Wetter

Dude #1: So, you know The Vagina Monologues are coming, right?
Dude #2: Yeah, are you going to get them in your studio?
Dude #1: Yeah, I’m hoping to get some recordings.
Dude #2: So, they really talk out their vaginas?
Dude #1: No, it’s like a play or something.
Dude #2: Oh, I thought they, like, spread their legs and… I mean, I thought it was hardcore.
Dude #1: No.
Dude #2: They should do that, though.
Dude #1: Yeah.

–Gym

Posted on February 22, 2007
Gyms, Idiots, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners Thought Felicity Huffman Deserved that Oscar

Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?

–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave

Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.

–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel

TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Limey

Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’

–26th St

Overheard by: agrees with that girl

College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?

–114th & Broadway

Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.

–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on January 3, 2007
13 Bar, Advice, Age/Aging, Airports, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Barbershop, Bars & Clubs, Bodegas, Bowery Ballroom, Buildings, Bus, CBGB, Classroom, Cruise Ship, Dean & Deluca, Delis, Duane Reade, Elevators, Empire State Building, Grand Central, Grocery Stores, Ground Zero, Gyms, Hospitals, Hot dog stands, Hotels, JFK Airport, LaGuardia Airport, Laundromat, Long Island City, Madison Square Garden, Movie Theaters, Museums, Office, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parades & Festitivites, Parks, Penn Station, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Shea Stadium, Stall Spies, Starbucks, Staten Island, Staten Island Ferry, Store, Street, Stuyvesant Town, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tattoo Parlor, Taxis, The Bronx, The Hamptons, Topics, Tourist Attractions, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Venues, Whole Foods, Yankee Stadium

…Sprinkled with Crack

Ana #1: I just did it to jump start my diet.
Ana #2: You smoked crack.
Ana #1: Just for a couple weeks, to lose the initial weight.
Ana #2: And then what did you do?
Ana #1: Now I just eat half an avocado a day.

–Equinox, Greenwich St

Posted on October 20, 2006
Cocaine, Diet/Weight, Girlfriends, Gyms, Latinos

Hee Hee Hee, You Said ‘Wednesday One-Liners’

Woman: See? I’m really good at boning.

–Gavroche, 14th & 7th

Overheard by: the immature restaurant guest

Woman, yelling over to man during downpour: How come every man I date ends up getting me wet?

–Water Club, 500 E 30th

Overheard by: Carolyn

Burly guy: Dude, can you help me get it up?

–Gold’s Gym, 250 West 54th

Teen: I was so thirsty. Anything that went in my mouth, I swallowed.

–LIRR

Overheard by: kaydot

NYU trendoid: I need some nuts, like, hardcore.

–MoMA

Conductor: Please let the passengers get off before pushing on the train. Get them off. Get them off. Get them off fast!

–Manhattan bound L train

Overheard by: Philip

Girl: Ooo! I’ll suck on it with you!

–3rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: confused grad student

Posted on September 27, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Getting Off, Girls, Guys, Gyms, MoMA, More museums, Museums, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens, Women

U-G-L-Y. You Ain’t Got No Alibi. You Ugly! Hey, Hey, You Ugly! Go, Wednesday One-Liners!

Girl on cell: I was like, “Back up, bitch. Get off your high horse and don’t ever talk to me again.” Such a bitch. And the thing is, she’s not even cute. Like, she has no right! She’s a fucking bitch, and she’s ugly! It’s one thing to be a bitch, but to be one when you’re ugly? You just don’t do that.

–19th & Broadway

Aspiring fashionista: I don’t know what I’d do if I had a kid and it was ugly. I’d probably die of embarassment or something. Maybe I should adopt. Can you, like, ask the adoption people to give you a good-looking child or something?

–SoHo

Flight attendant: We will be dimming the cabin lighting, as it greatly improves the attractiveness of your in-flight crew.

–JetBlue flight, JFK

Overheard by: Josh Barro

Father, to kids: Good job, guys! So [the doctor] says you’re ugly, but healthy.

–Pediatrics office, Tribeca

Buff girl on cell: Yeah, well, she accused me of being mean. She insulted this new dress I was wearing at the party and was all like, “Ew that is so ugly,” which was kinda bitchy, don’t you think? So I told her, “That’s because it would look like shit on you.”…Whatever. It’s true.

–NYSC, Whitestone

Overheard by: Karen