Wednesday One-Liners, from the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream Waters

Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!

–Flushing, Queens

Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.

–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights

Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!

–Deli at 33rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?

–BxM10 Bus

Overheard by: bxgirl

Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!

–30th Ave, Astoria

Posted on September 10, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Bus, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Death, Delis, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, Marriage, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Street, Stupidity, U.S. Geography, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

That'd Be Awful– Really Cool to See, Though

Volunteer with clipboard: Do you have a minute to help the environment?
Suit on cell: Fuck the environment, I hope the shit blows up!

–14 St b/w 5th & 6 Ave

Posted on August 31, 2017
Activists, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Animals & Nature, Insults, Offers and requests, On Cell, Suits, The Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Less Than Truthful Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. I promise it will never. happen. again.

–uptown C train

Man screaming on cell : Nah, I didn’t lie to you about nuthin’. [Pause] Even if I did lie, I sho’ wouldn’t tell you about it!

–43rd & 6th

Overheard by: C Mike

Posted on August 29, 2017
Anger Management, Getting Jolie'd, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Subway conductors

Wednesday XXX-liners

Man on cell: Yeah, I got girls who can do that…That too. You just call me back in an hour, I’ll be at the house…I know you make high-quality adult productions, you’re the kind of man I want to be working with…No, the girls talk through me…I got this one girl, very high quality, based in Oregon, she was in Las Vegas last week, she’ll do whatever you ask…

–Washington Square Park

Posted on August 28, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Business and Commerce, On Cell, Porn, Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-Liners Do Not Pass “Go”; Do Not Collect $200

Guy: I don’t think you’re supposed to like being incarcerated.

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: mkb

Middle-aged man on phone: I’m telling you, if I turn myself in now I won’t be in court for six months.

–50th & 8th

Grungy guy to his friend: …Dude, you have no idea how many times I’ve been in this courthouse…

–Giants Parade, in Front of the Courthouse

Overheard by: Julian

Guy on phone: We really got ourselves in some deep shit with this one. I hope he gets out sooner for good behavior. We should have never gotten involved.

–JFK Airport

Woman, yelling in stall: I will read you your Miranda rights, bitch! I will arrest you!

–Port Authority Women’s Bathroom

Overheard by: unsure if she is crazy or on the phone

Cashier on phone: No, you don’t understand, miss. That is perjury. If I do that, I will go to jail… No, you are not listening to me. I would be arrested. I would serve time…[hangs up, turns to customers.] Can I help you?

–Harlem U-Haul

Posted on August 25, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, At the Airport, Cashiers, Crime and Punishment, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, JFK Airport, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Port Authority, Prison, Stall Spies, Store, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Have a History of Violence

Guy, to girl: If I wanted to be angry, I would have punched you in the face a long time ago.

–34th & 7th

Woman on cell: Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.

–33rd St & 31st Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Wade

Woman: It’s not like someone put a gun to your head and told you to fuck her!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Cha

Guy on cell: Yes, I’m interested in your sparring class…No, you see I want to hit somebody.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Braincurve

Thug, to his girlfriend: Yo, I don’t care if you a girl or not. I will bust you in the head with a rock.

–Central Park

Posted on July 31, 2017
Anger Management, Assholes, Central Park, Crime and Punishment, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Parks, Penn Station, Punch, Relationships, Sex, Shoot, Street, Thugs, Violence

(Sung to the Tune of The Hokey Pokey)

Thug on cell, after helping an old women with a walker out of the doorway: Yeah, man, you know me. Slashing tires and rapin’ women, that’s what I’m all about.

–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: InnocentlyEvil

Posted on July 29, 2017
Brooklyn, Old People, On Cell, Park Slope, Thugs, Violence

What's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Julium

Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color.

–Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai!

–Union Square

Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: molly

Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue.

–Hill Country BBQ

Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.

Posted on June 5, 2017
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coffee, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Ethnic Food, Food, Frat Boys, Girls, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Pleasantly Plump”

Guy on phone: That's not the problem, straight guys who are fatter than me get laid all the time.

–Time Warner Center

Man on cell: Of course I'll recognize you! Unless you got fat!

–Sheep's Meadow, Central Park

Gay black man: Uh uh. Girl, her fat ass will so not make it. You better not bring her here.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: fellow fatass

Excited young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebrity we just met?! The Weight Watchers lady! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Alley! We got her autograph! She's real fat now! We met her in the chocolate store!

–W Broadway & Spring

Overheard by: JR

Fat chick: Do not tell me I'm not a size 4!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Rich H

Posted on May 30, 2017
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Queer guys, Sexuality, Soho, Teens

On Cell