Teen girl #1: I'm not doing it for the same reasons as like people in the sixtes. I'm not trying to see god or anything.
Teen girl #2: I'm not fucking worried about you having a religious experience, I'm worried about you seeing Sgt. Pepper jerking off to Barney or something!
–Escalator, Time Warner Building
Suit: The ancients left records all over the place. Look at the pyramids, dickhead.
–83rd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: EthanK
Drunk guy, as '80s song plays on jukebox: '80s music was so inspirational, cuz they knew Reaganomics wasn't gonna work. '90s, we were in a boom so it was like, "don't forget how bad things are!" Now music just sucks, cuz everything sucks.
–The Punch Bowl, 238th & Broadway, The Bronx
Overheard by: Kyle Crocodile
Preppy blond guy: Wow, I didn't realize The Great Depression was so bad!
–Columbia Law School
Drunk hobo yelling at sidewalk: Fuck those guys! They can't fire me! They need me! What the fuck? I built those temples, goddamnit! Those Mayans need me! I'm the only one who built those temples!
–23rd b/w 4th & 5th
Wisdom-sharing mother of two: Well, of course socks were invented first! Soccer was invented before shoes and they wore socks to play it! Why do you think it's called soccer? They were wearing socks long before they were wearing shoes.
–Restaurant, Columbus Ave
Girl: Wait! George Washington is Johnny Appleseed, right?
–Stuyvesant High School
Woman: In Central Park right now, the Mormons are in full bloom!
–Bandshell, Central Park
Overheard by: Mojosaves
Chick to boyfriend: I could really use some Viagra, maybe I can get some from my grandpa. (pause) Wait, never mind, he's Mormon.
–17th St & 5th Ave
Girl: What do the Mormons have against gay people? Is it because the gays dress better? I mean, Mormons only like to wear white shirts and black pants.
–Uptown A Train
Deliriously drunk woman: I was Mormon!
–Times Square
Boy on cell: A swimsuit and a medal? That's a lot of clothes to wear. Hello? Hello?
–NYU
Overheard by: Xy
Man to other sitting on sidewalk: Dude… you know, gloves actually make your hands colder. They're not worth it, man.
–Astor Place
Small Middle Eastern male cashier to white girl: You are wearing things all black! Black bag, black coat, black hair. The only thing not black is you!
–Duane Reade
NYU hipster: People wearing white are in a cult, okay?
–NYU
Overheard by: Boots
Blind lady carrying cane, pointing to clothing on rack: Oh, this this looks good!
–Kmart, 34th St
Overheard by: AussieinNYC
Girl conducting movement workshop: Can you tell us about your experience with dance?
Girl in workshop: Well, I like to dance naked around fires. Oh, I'm a pagan.
–Hunter College School of Social Work
Suit to another, on smoking break: Cigarettes are out, cookies are in!
–33rd & Park Ave
Teen boy: I wanna take up smoking just to prove to people how easy it is to quit. Seriously, it's not that hard. Just don't buy a pack.
–74th & Lexington
Bum to another: And so the cops went in and found them… And you know they can't arrest them for smokin' that shit…it's part of their religion!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Francesca
Professor: The only reason valuable reason to start smoking is if you were molested as a child or some shit like that.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Girl on phone: So my roommate was bitching at me this morning for walking around in my underwear and I was like, "Dude, you got laid last night, I got yelled at by my booty call's girlfriend. I deserve to smoke cigarettes half naked on my patio."
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: innocent bystander
High school kid: Yo, I would smoke a cigarette dipped in toothpaste!
–Chambers St
Guy: So yeah, now she says she's dating Steve.
Chick: Steve the crackhead or pyromaniac Steve?
Guy: The one who isn't in prison.
Chick: I thought you were dating him.
Guy: He found religion. Or something.
–West Village
Tween #1: Look at them lights in the sky. They look like Batman lights.
Tween #2: No, man, that's angels coming from heaven.
Tween #1: No, that's aliens coming down to interrogate us.
–President St & Franklin Ave, Prospect Heights
Overheard by: JvC
Headline by: Michael
Runners-Up:
· “But Both Were Wrong, for It Was Divine George Bush Descending From His Presidency.” – AlphaBeta
· “It Was a Street Lamp.” – Paul K.
· “Lucas and Spielberg – the Tween Years” – TV
· “Or, As People Out in the Country Call Them, “Stars”” – BabakganoosH
· “Pop Culture – 3: Science – 0” – The Joker
· “Robert Pattinson Gets an Unexpeected Visit After They Take the Aliens to Their Leader” – Tuesday’s Intern
· “The Anti-LSD Ads Write Themselves” – Adam B.
Man on cell: Listen, you are just not going to meet a young woman who doesn't have a MySpace page, isn't religious, and doesn't want children.
–46th St & 5th St
30-something to friend: Why is it people from the Midwest always ask if you've tried speed dating? It is like the first thing they think of when they hear about a single woman in New York–she must not have tried speed dating yet.
–1st St & 2nd Ave
Girl on cell: I mean, he basically acts like we're living together. But I don't know, like, I almost called him last night and asked, "are we even dating?"
–65th St & 1st Ave
Hispanic lady: I don't need no man, I don't need no man. I got everything I need in my purse.
–Cafe, West Village
Guy on cell: But baby, it's a full body workout, depending on the position.
–Pratt Campus
Jogger on phone: I gotta stay in shape, you know? I'm not getting any younger. Even though the guys I graduated with look worse than I do.
–Marine Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: wantsoutof_bklyn
Older lady to young male athletic facility employee: Do you have big balls? Exercise balls? I want bigger balls than you have there.
–NYU Palladium Athletic Facility, 140 E 14th St
Overheard by: JohnB
Large smoking man with burrito and Margarita: I can never work out, I'm too drunk all the time!
–Blockheads
Overheard by: how do you live?
Sassy black lady: Daaaamn! You're making me walk all the way to 45th Street?
–42nd St
Large Latina on cell: So I grabbed the baby and said "Kali! She likes this!" and started doing squats.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Russel
