Wednesday Doesn't Know a Single One-Liner Here Tonight

Girl to friend: This party is going to be awesome! Wait. We have to stop somewhere on the way…I gotta pee before I put out tonight.

–Montrose & Graham

Dude: Do you even know what an Animal Collective Listening Party means in the rest of the country?

–Animal Collective Album Listening Party, River Room, Harlem

Overheard by: care bear stare

Girl: I think it's okay if she parties, as long as it's with a bunch of Christians.

–West 4th b/w 6th & MacDougal

Girl to friend: There's this party in the East Village. It's called "Spit." I'll tell you next time I go. It's on Fridays. But my gawd, these guys are cokeheads. I ended up with ten of them in my apartment last week.

–8th & 18th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Chick on cell: Do parties *count* if there's nothing but necking and spanking and nipple-tweaking?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy: I know I'm gay, but the best part of my Bar Mitzvah was meeting the party planner.

–Barns & Noble, 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rijita

Posted on March 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Columbia University, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jews, Judaism, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Names, Nipples, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Parades & Festitivites, Pee, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, S&M, Sex, Store, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Could Marry Themselves

20-something, beating his chest and coughing: John, don't die…you're too young, you're too beautiful, the world needs you to stay alive!

–55th & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Girl on phone: I just don't see why he doesn't want to do me.

–NYU

Lab assistant on phone: I mean, I love the way I look. And they way I talk…well, that's fine. But that laugh? Dear god.

–NYU Computer Lab

Overheard by: meli$$a

Man on cell: So that's it? You're genetically superior to her, case closed?

–5th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: Prof. Creepyhugz

Tall black guy to shorter, buff black guy: It's not about your looks or the way you're built: you've got charisma, you've got something that draws people to you. I know because I've got it too.

–Planet Sushi, Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: Suze V

Female student, walking in: Okay! The princess is back and she feels ten pounds lighter!

–Borough Manhattan Community College Computer Lab

Overheard by: Steve

Posted on March 25, 2009
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Black People, College, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Death, Diet/Weight, Girls, Guys, Laughter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sex, Street, Students, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Or So I've Read in the Encyclopedia Entry on “Sex”

Student #1: Well, one reason that we see a lot of tongues in Japanese monster culture might be because of an inherent aversion to bodily fluids! Like I heard Japanese people take showers before and after sex.
Student #2: Plus, in Hentai there's always way more fluids in the sex scenes than there really should be.
Student #3: Besides, there's a lot of tongue use in sex.
Professor: Well, why do you suppose that is?
Student #3: Because you like, lick stuff! Jeez!

–East Asian Studies Class, Columbia University

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on March 24, 2009
Body Parts, Classroom, Cleanliness, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Licking, School and studying, Sex, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

Every Hollywood Producer's Courtship, in a Nutshell

Drunk thug: Hard or soft?
Tired woman at bus stop: Huh?
Drunk thug: How you gonna fuck me? Hard or soft?
Tired woman: (stares hard at him)
Drunk thug: Just wait til I buy you something.

–Myrtle Ave & Carlton

Posted on March 19, 2009
Brooklyn, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Offers and requests, Questions, Sex, Thugs, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Pelving Thrusting in Your Direction

Woman to friend: I woke up, and he was fucking my ear! Fucking my ear! Fuck. Ing. My. Ear!

–Walker & Canal

Overheard by: office peon

Girl on cell: So yeah, he just kinda turned to her, handed her some napkins and told her to prepare herself for a good fingering.

–New Jersey Transit

Girl in school hallway: Nasty little tenth graders having sex in the stairwells…

–Bard High School Early College

Guy to another: There's only three things people need in this world. Sex. Food. (pause) Yeah, okay, that's it.

–125th & Lexington

Student #1: (makes elaborate point with with ample hand gesticulation)
Student #2: Oh wow. You just made love to me with words.

–113th & Broadway

Crazy lady: Santa ain't comin' to Brooklyn! And I'll be drunk tomorrow, don't you ring my bell! (gets off train and leaves bag. 20-something guy gives it to her) Have we had sex before!? We should have sex! I like you! (doors start closing) We should really have sex!

–C Train

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chinatown, College, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Ew, Jersey, Food, Foreplay, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Public Transportation, School and studying, Sex, Street, Students, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Eyed-Trouser-Snake-Liners

Middle aged woman on cell: You will never see your penis again! No more penis! Is that punishment enough for you?

–82nd & Columbus Ave

Black man to friend: None of them jeans fit, cuz my cock is just too huge, nigga!

–Steve & Barrys, Mariners Harbor Staten Island

Overheard by: Samantha

Sister to brother leaning on her crossed leg: Excuse me, I feel like your pee-pee is resting on my foot.

–7 Train

Latina to friend: He did everything short of taking out his penis and smacking him with it!

–Jerome Ave, the Bronx

Chick: Man, I just feel like there are a lot of penises and penis information in my life lately.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meister E.

Middle aged man on cell: But does she know about King Dong, the penis pump?

–Stuyvesant St, Manhattan

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Brothers, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crime and Punishment, Friends, Girls, Height, Latinos, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Sex, Sisters, Staten Island, Street, Stuyvesant Town, The Bronx, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for Ann Coulter

Old guy on phone: All I've done is live in a bitchy bitchy bitchy world.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Danielle

Ghetto guy to another: A bitch in a wheelchair can still suck a dick!

–25th St & 6th Ave

Wife to husband: You do the thinkin', I'll do the bitchin'.

–84th & 2nd

Overheard by: Val

Male scrub nurse: Yeah, he's in that bitch right now. (female scrub nurse looks shocked, male scrub nurse wiggles fingers on both hands) Yeah, he's in there.

–Mount Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: and by

Thug to friend: Yeah my homegirl…she's a slutty bitch, but she's good people.

–Q Train

Posted on March 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Friends, Guys, Handicaps, Hospitals, Insults, Marriage, Nurses, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Promiscuity, Relationships, Sex, Street, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Without Emotional Attachment: Myth or Reality?

Dressed up overweight 20-something girl to another: We're in our 20s. We're like supposed to be slutty, right?

–Norman & Diamond

Overheard by: Guess I missed the memo 20-something girl

College girl to another: You gotta hit it and quit it, like a dude!

–W Broadway & 108th St

Overheard by: Tess

Janky fat woman: He never told me not to tramp!

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Rob

Loud thug with neck tattoos on cell: You know Stud is my son, dude. Stud just wanna hump on women all day.

–Deli, Myrtle Ave, Fort Greene

Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton

Hipster chick to another: I was wasted! Then I saw him in daylight and said "Holy shit!"

–Havemeyer, Grand Street, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Miss Heather

Lawyerly woman to another: I told him that just because I want to fuck does not mean that we have to love each other.

–Foley Square

Overheard by: Julio

Random guy to cute girl: Good luck, honey. What you wake up with, you're stuck with.

–Jimmy Steiny's, Hyatt Street, Staten Island

Posted on March 11, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Fat People, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Hook Ups, Horny, Lawyers, Love, On Cell, Parents, Physical appearance, Promiscuity, Relationships, Sex, Sorority Girls, Staten Island, Street, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires, Women

It's Wednesday– Do You Know Who Your One-Liner's With?

Young man to friend: So, about your girlfriend…I think she and I should fuck.

–Union Square West & 16th St

Street hawker selling datebooks: Wanna cheat on your husband? Plan it out! Get a daily planner, write it in red!

–Herald Square

Overheard by: MPW

Hipster teen girl to friend: Dude, don't worry about it. Whenever I want guys to cheat on their girlfriends with me I always just take off my pants and start singing Afroman.

–Mulberry St

Chick to friends: Seriously, it's a full-on dating service for married people. (pause) Like, adulterers.

–Broadway & Avenue of the Americas

Overheard by: Chuckles

Guy to another: Have you been cheating a lot? Does she know you're gay?

–6 Train

Hobo: So would all unhappily married women please step forward? I know there are some unhappily married women out there, and I'm willing to satisfy your needs. (pause) I know you're out there!

–Times Square

Overheard by: John

Posted on March 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Clothing, Dating, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Hobos, Infidelity, Lies, Marriage, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Sex, Singing, Street, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Remember the Time He Brought Home That Girl Painted Entirely in Gold?

Loud girl #1: Why isn't James coming out tonight?
Loud girl #2: He wants to save some money for a new couch.
Loud girl #1: A couch? What kind of lame excuse is that?
Loud girl #2: He wants a new couch.
Loud girl #1: What happened to his old couch? Wait… Nevermind, I don't even want to know.

–A Train

Overheard by: K-T

Posted on March 6, 2009
Girls, On the Subway, Questions, Sex