All the World's a Wednesday, and the People Merely One-Liners

20-something man, during West Side Story, when Tony climbs in bed with Maria: Get it, son!

–Palace Theatre

Old man, leaving theater after seeing Hair: I told you we should have seen Mary Poppins.

–45th & 8th

Overheard by: Leela

Girl, looking at a barricaded rally: Oh my god, it is so Les Miz up in here.

–48th St & 6th Ave

Long Island woman to friend, leaving the theater after Mary Poppins: That wasn't anything like the movie. The movie had cartoons, this was real people.

–Amsterdam Theater, 42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: MikeyMouse

Man to friend, during Waiting for Godot: Oh my god, you know what would make me really pissed? I'd be so angry if that Godot guy didn't show up at the end of the play.

–Studio 54

Woman to husband, during Waiting for Godot: Is this a musical?

–Studio 54

Overheard by: Hannah

Posted on August 5, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Broadway Shows, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Friends, Girls, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Old People, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Singing, Street, Stupidity, Theater, Theater & Dance, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liner: The Diet Of Choice for Teenage Girls

Dude to another: One of us threw up in Joanna's underwear drawer, so she was really pissed.

–181st & Bennett

Girl to another: Well, you don't want to throw up in front of the guy you just had sex with!

–7th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Girl in diner booth: I'm about to throw up in my pants.

–Henry & Court

Overheard by: Alex

Train conductor lady: I am not playin'. People need to get home. Get all the way in or get off. If you are vomiting, please exit the train. I will keep this train right here and kick off every damn one of you wearing green.

–Penn Station, St. Patrick's Day

Guy, vomiting on tree: Man, fuck that tang.

–Carlton Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Zoe

Posted on August 5, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Clothing, Colors, Conductors, Drinks, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kick, Parades & Festitivites, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Sex, Staten Island, Street, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Sometimes You Just Wanna Pinch Wednesday One-Liner's Cheeks

Gay guy: You know what's so cute, is Europe.

–Mott & Prince

Overheard by: Anna P.

College girl to friend: And I'm like "No, you can't chew on the couch. You can't have couch for breakfast." (pause) But what about you, are there any cute guys in your dorm?

–Downtown 1 Train

Girl on phone: Oh-h-h-h my gawd, girl, you don't even know! And then he goes "Damn, girl you in Delta Gamma? Nothing goes down faster than an anchor!" And then I was just like "Shut up!" but I did it anyways, I mean… he was cute.

–Gates to Fordham University

Man on cell picking through garbage can and walking away with trash in hand: Oh my god, I just found the cutest belt in a trash can! Honestly, the things people throw away!

–118th St & Amsterdam Ave

Gay guy marching in protest to another: The guys in this protest are much cuter than at the last protest I attended.

–63rd St & Broadway

Posted on August 5, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Food, Fordham, Friends, Garbage, Girls, Global Geography, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Politics, Queer guys, Questions, Soho, Sorority Girls, Street, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Wondered How You Got a Nose Like a Ukranian Grandma

Hot guy: Oh, by the way, did I tell you my girlfriend headbutted me?
Blonde: What? During sex?
Hot guy: Yeah, she gave me a bloody nose.
Blonde: Rough. Did you keep at it after the blood?
Hot guy: Yes.

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Sam Dullard

Posted on August 2, 2009
Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Girls, Guys, Questions, Sex, Street, Violence

The Definitive NYC Punch Line– Along With “Vagina”

Asian girl: He's the kind of guy who sits at home drinking beer, plotting ways to date his cousins.
Friend: Well, maybe that's acceptable where he comes from. Isn't he from another country?
Asian girl: Jersey.

–22nd & 23rd

Overheard by: jack

Posted on July 30, 2009
Asians, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Street

Wednesday One-Liners Make Partner

Crying woman in pink bathrobe and wet hair, as she chases pimp-looking male: I'm taking them to court. I'm taking those motherfuckers to court! I'm calling 1-800-lawyers!

–14th & 8th

Overheard by: Rebecca Meyers

Attractive female law student on cell: Whatever, he can feed me dinner. I know it's "unethical" or whatever…

–11th St & 5th Ave

Blonde Columbia Education School girl to friend: Isn't this supposed to be a graduate school mixer? Why aren't there any law school guys coming up to me?

–Havana Central, near Columbia University

Overheard by: I <3 Gold Diggers Subway hobo: Yeah, thats right. (yelling) I'm gonna be the best judge this town has ever seen!

–6 Train

Overheard by: watching&waiting

Six-year-old girl walking up some wet slippery steps: If I slip, I'm gonna sue.

–33rd & 2nd

Overheard by: Em

Posted on July 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Crying, Food, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Hobos, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sorority Girls, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Nice Wednesday One-Liners Finish Last

30-something woman on cell: And then he says to me "you have a very nice placenta!"

–85th & 3rd

Overheard by: Whitney Simmons

Shoe shine guy to woman walking by: Nice boots! Nice hat! You sure got a lot of nice things, lady!

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: CreateEvity

NYU girl on cell: Ew! Emma? I can't believe a guy is interested in Emma! I know she's nice, but that's just gross. I really just cannot believe anyone could possibly be attracted to her! She's so ugly!

–Washington Square Park

Enthusiastic Jewish lady in jury room: He's very nice! He's very nice! He's going to be a *happy* archbishop!

–Centre St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Three-year-old girl: Don't be sassy, mommy, daddy's being nice.

–Front St.

Overheard by: Aviva

Older black man to circle of friends: I'll bend her over a bench and stick it into her! You know–I'm a nice guy.

–Flatbush & Lincoln

Posted on July 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Church, Clothing, Compliments, Friends, Gossip, Happiness, Jews, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Pick-up Lines, Sex, Shoes, Sorority Girls, Street, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Aspire to Be Betty White

Old dog lady, smoking: Me, I've already been spayed.

–Dog Adoption Booth, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Old woman to another: Darling, I didn't know your husband was still alive!

–Restaurant, Upper East Side

Elderly black woman, yelling to line of cars honking their horns for Puerto Rican Day parade: Get yo punk asses back to 5th Ave!

–Grand & Graham

Elderly woman, complaining to physical therapist: I keep walkin' like I'm drunk (pause) Cause I am drunk.

–12th & University

Overheard by: tbs

Old lady, after being knocked down by man on bike: You know what… Go to hell! (giggles to herself) I haven't said that in a looong time.

–Union Square

Overheard by: letthesunshine

Posted on July 29, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Death, Doctors, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Insults, Laughter, Lower East Side, Man's Best Friend, Men, Old People, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Private Parts, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners by Dr. Ruth

Woman to male companion: I told you about that guy I accidentally slept with, right?

–Bar at Sushi Samba, 7th Ave

Overheard by: David Russo

Girl to friend: Because it is more than just, sexual, you know? (pause) Well, actually, it's not, but…

–14th b/w 6th & 7th

Man to woman: You know Mesopotamian sex? That's me.

–Washington Square Park

Man walking dog on cell: My number one conquest since coming here was a 21-year-old Native American.

–27th & Broadway

Girl on cell: Mom, how am I supposed to have sex on a bed that has wheels?

–15th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Steve Hofstetter

Guy: So I fucked her on a bench, but I didn't finish, because I kept telling her about my girlfriend and how much I love her. So she got pissed of and took a taxi home to her parents.

–5th Ave

40-something man: Just tell that landlord that you don't need no electricity or no cable because you gonna be makin' love all the damn time!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: tracey

Posted on July 29, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bars & Clubs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Love, Men, On Cell, One Night Stand, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Promiscuity, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“You Have the Right to Remain Wednesday One-Liner”

Cop to another, about uniform and belt: I can't run in this thing.

–Havemeyer & 2nd, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Sandy Riverside

Random guy, watching 300-pound gangster being arrested: He was throwing the police around like pancakes!

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: Alex

Guy with garbage bag of purses on St. Patrick's Day: Leprechaun stole my pot o' gold and left me these damn bags! Who wants to buy some stolen shit while the cops are drinking?

–46th St b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Madeline

Police officer to another: He knew I was on the force, and that nigga still gave me a ticket for speeding!

–1 Train

Female train conductor: Nigga, I hate them undercover cops! Always holding the doors! You can never be sure if they cops or if they just guys with gats!

–1 Train

Posted on July 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Fighting and ass kicking, Gripes, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Street, Subway conductors, The Village, Thievery, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg

Street