Teen girl #1: So, what book are you looking for?
Teen girl #2: Well, whenever I get stoned I get paranoid that I’m getting dumber, so last time I got high I came here and read a giant stack of philosophy books, and I really liked one of them.
–Barnes & Noble, 82nd St
Overheard by: It’s not paranoia…
Scraggly teen boy: Are you still a vegan?
Scraggly teen girl: Yeah, I’m still a vegan, except I ate a cinnamon roll today. But, you know, it happens.
–1/9 train
Overheard by: Amanda Nazario
Teen girl #1: Guess what? Savannah gave Zach a blow job!
Teen girl #2: Huh?
Teen girl #1: I don’t know what it is either, but that’s what people are saying.
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Overheard by: Charly
HS girl #1: So exactly how many states are there?
HS girl #2: 52.
HS girl #3: I thought there were only 50.
HS girl #2: That’s because they never count Haiti and Cuba.
–F train
Overheard by: Ting
Skinny Spanish girl: That nigga was saying how he had me moaning and screaming, but I was like, "nigga, I'm just loud–that doesn't mean you're good!"
–Ft. Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: also loud
Ghetto chick to friend: Yo…in my country, it's illegal to not please your woman. You gotta fuck her till she begs you to stop.
–116th & 1st
Overheard by: DonnaRae
Man on phone: Yeah…I just fingerblasted her for like an hour. No big deal.
–E 4th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: intern2
Mom to teenage son: And I was like "sure, have sex in my bed, it never sees any."
–Mercer & W 3rd
Girl on cell: Oh no, he's back fucking his secretary now, so I'm like, completely free!
–East Village
20-something on cell, after loud graphic sex tale: And don't you be telling anyone! I don't like strangers knowing my business.
–Express Bus to Brooklyn
Teen girl #1: He never leaves me the hell alone. It’s like, ‘Hello, I don’t care!’
Teen girl #2: You know he’s bi, right?
Teen girl #1: What? No, he’s not. What are you talking about?
Teen girl #2: Oh my god! You didn’t know? Yeah, he’s bi!
Teen girl #1: Since when? Who told you that?
Teen girl #2: Didn’t you?
Teen girl #1: No. I didn’t say ‘bi.’ I said ‘anal plugs.’
–Brighton Beach
Overheard by: Stina
Teen boy #1: So why did your dad lose his job?
Teen boy #2: All I know is that he had hepatitis for six months and cured it by eating nothing but fruit.
–83rd & 16th, Brooklyn.
Overheard by: Porko Rico
13-year-old girl #1: I can't believe he's with that ho now.
13-year-old girl #2: It's 'cause she just got right up in his face and spread 'em. She just spread 'em.
13-year-old girl #1: Well, yeah, I mean she's ugly so she'd had to do something really extreme, you know?
13-year-old girl #2: Yeah, girl, she just spread 'em.
13-year-old girl #1: Whatever, it might have been easy but I could do all kinds of freaky things she just can't ever do for him. She made it easy, but she ain't a freak like me. I can do him all kinds of freaky ways that no one else can.
13-year-old girl #2: Well, I can do some freaky shit too.
13-year-old girl #1: Yeah, maybe. But not like me. I think I'm the freakiest woman alive. I got secrets you just can't even imagine. And I'm not sharin'.
–1 Train
Overheard by: shocked and appalled
Teen girl #1: Where did the stereotype that blondes are dumb come from?
Teen girl #2: Poland.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
