Isn't That Why He's With That Ho Now?

13-year-old girl #1: I can't believe he's with that ho now.
13-year-old girl #2: It's 'cause she just got right up in his face and spread 'em. She just spread 'em.
13-year-old girl #1: Well, yeah, I mean she's ugly so she'd had to do something really extreme, you know?
13-year-old girl #2: Yeah, girl, she just spread 'em.
13-year-old girl #1: Whatever, it might have been easy but I could do all kinds of freaky things she just can't ever do for him. She made it easy, but she ain't a freak like me. I can do him all kinds of freaky ways that no one else can.
13-year-old girl #2: Well, I can do some freaky shit too.
13-year-old girl #1: Yeah, maybe. But not like me. I think I'm the freakiest woman alive. I got secrets you just can't even imagine. And I'm not sharin'.

–1 Train

Overheard by: shocked and appalled

Posted on April 24, 2015
Beauty, Gossip, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Relationships, Teens, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Speed Dating” Requires Meth

Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell!

–Astoria

Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp.

–M66 Bus

Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair?

–31st & Crescent, Astoria

Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot!

–3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st

Overheard by: Tom

College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing.

–8th St & University

Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Riot

Posted on April 23, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Frat Boys, Friends, Handicaps, Insults, Internet, JAPs, JFK Airport, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Street, Suits, The Village, Threats, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

…Since It's Already My “Status” on Facebook…

Student: Do you hate me, Mr Jones*?
Mr Jones*: I usually don't admit it, but in this case…

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on April 23, 2015
Gripes, Men, Questions, Students, Stuyvesant, Weirdness

It Makes Me Horny. You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Horny

Straight girl: Oooohhh, you know who has the best tits? Isabella Rossellini. Great, great tits.
Gay guy: Oh, you're right! I didn't even think of her.
Straight girl: I don't know how someone her age can have tits that great.
Gay guy: Yeah, if your tits are half that good when you turn her age, you should die a happy woman.
Lesbian: Dear god, why are we talking about Isabella Rossellini's tits on the subway? For that matter, why are we talking about them anywhere?!

–N Train

Posted on April 22, 2015
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, Compliments, Default, Girls, Guys, Lesbians, Nipples, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Questions, Weirdness

Pop Quiz: How Many Mentally Unbalanced People Are in This Quote?

Girl in Mets jersey: My sister put me on anti-anxiety pills and now I'm gonna kill her!
Guy in Mets jersey: Rad! Go Mets!

–59th St & Roosevelt Ave

Overheard by: Stephen's Wife

Posted on April 20, 2015
Default, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Medicine, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Psychology, Sports, Threats, Violence, Weirdness

Let’s Hop on a Bus, Wednesday One-liners

Man on cell: Yo Hamster! Oh, hey Tomato, whats goin’ on?

–Bx12 bus

Overheard by: Courtney C

Girl on cell: I swear it had to be 8 or 9 inches long…yeah I know, I was shocked. It was the biggest damned cockroach I have ever seen…yes, a roach, what did you think I was talking about?

–Bx9 bus

Overheard by: ogie

Bus driver: Next stop 3rd Avenue. We’ll be arriving in a week to 10 days…Anyone want to get off here? That’ll be $50. Send me a check.

–M14D bus

Overheard by: Sherri

Posted on April 20, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Fruit, Insects, Nicknames & name calling, NYC Geography, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Time, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

It Was Either That, or Work the Weekend

Young gay guy, crying: But I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Old gay guy: They why did I catch you with Robert*'s dick in your mouth?
Young gay guy: Well, he is my boss…

–Soho Grand Hotel

Posted on April 20, 2015
BJs, Gays and Lesbians, Hotels, Love, Office politics, Old People, Penis, Queer guys, Soho, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

When You Wednesday Upon a One-Liner, It Makes No Difference Who You Are

Guy walking by himself: I wish everybody who is not mentally ill would just drop dead!

–9th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Rear Admiral Butts

Guy (admiringly, to attractive girl passing by): Damn, girl, I wish you were a guy!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Ditzy girl to another, about her boyfriend: He's teaching himself philosophy right now. He bought a philosophy dictionary. He can do that, you know, because he's so smart. I wish I could do that!

–Astoria

Overheard by: squarehand

Young guy to girl: Dude, I wish Dali was still around so he could do my album.

–Museum of Modern Art

Overheard by: Gino

Serious girl: I wish I had gotten the ovaries!

–Korean Baptist Church, Astoria

Overheard by: Evan