Brunette: I hope there are some hot single guys at the wedding.
Blonde: Well, John's going alone so you're pretty much guaranteed a hook-up unless you throw up on his shoes.
–W 23rd St
Brunette: I hope there are some hot single guys at the wedding.
Blonde: Well, John's going alone so you're pretty much guaranteed a hook-up unless you throw up on his shoes.
–W 23rd St
Hot woman: Do you know what The Secret is?
Friend (skeptically): Yeah…
Hot woman: Well, I put it out there and it totally works. Check it out. I put in my datebook for Friday night, “go out to dinner and get laid,” and it worked…a day early! See the smile on my face?
–Elevator, W 28th St
Employee: I was eatin' with my fried Okra and I vomited all over your fetus…and that's why you're so ugly.
–The Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Dazzle
Girl on cell: Oh, please! That bitch is ugly and her cooch probably smells too, he can have her! Because I don't need him or his greasy ass head or pencil dick. (pause) What? Oh, fuck you also! (hangs up and storms off)
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Rich
Serious gay black man on phone: Oh, please honey…there are just so many ugly white women in Europe…it's got to be something in the water!
–45th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Culturally Challenged
20-something guy on cell: She ain't the prettiest bitch, but she got these crazy little hands.
–Throop & Macon, Bedford-Stuyvesant
Overheard by: elephantgiraffe
Hipster girl: I have ugly friends. I just don't hang out with them on weekends.
–McCarren Park Pool
Overheard by: I don't hang out with ugly people
Attractive tween to friends: And then Lindsay's aunt came into the bathroom to comfort us and said, "pretty people always get blamed for things ugly people do."
–W 65th St. & Columbus Ave
Random white male on cell: People thought I was weird as shit in high school… Cause I hung out with all the black people!
–Washington Square Park
Uptown girl: This place is…this is weird.
–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Emily B.
Girl: She was weird. She had, like, a Midwestern accent or something. I think she was from Maine.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Tattooed 20-something girl: He's such a weirdo; I had to ask six times for his urine.
–J Train
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Chick on cell: He's had his dick in me, but I worry it would be out of line to Facebook friend him. Modern life is so weird.
–Columbia University
Large black lesbian to friends going into a sex shop: I don't wanna see no dildos unless I'm being fucked!
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: J.D.
Mormon girl, loudly agreeing with friend: Yeah, I know, I know! I didn't even know what a dildo was until I got here! Like, freshman year!
–Outside Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: But what about a vibrator?
Loudest black girl in group of loud black teens: What I recommend, to every fuckin' nigga, is the vibratin' cock ring.
–14th St, Outside Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Now curious about cockrings
Loud tourist girl: But Susan's butt-plug was only $75.
–Orchard & Rivington
Overheard by: MattyB
Man with thick Brooklyn accent on cell: I got the thing…yes the fuckin thing for the thing…yes, but I'm tellin' you the fuckin thing is definitely not big enough for her.
–31st St & 7th Ave
30-something woman to friend: So, between the time I got back from the meeting and the time you called me, I used my vibrator three times. (pauses and realizes everyone on the train is listening) Oh. Did I say that really loudly?
–D Train
Drunk chick: Apparently there are lots of guys here tonight who have slept with me that want to sleep with me again, and also a few here that have not slept with me that want to!
Friend: Really?
Drunk chick: Yeah! And it's a good thing I've changed, because if I hadn't, I'd be fucking everything in sight right now.
–Bathroom, Beer Garden in Astoria
Overheard by: ALi
Biotech #1: Oh my god, there is no way she weighs 123 pounds. She is so fat!
Biotech #2: Oh my god I know! It’s ridiculous.
Biotech #1 (later): I hate it when people misuse the term “Kafkaesque”. It’s so annoying.
Biotech #2: I know, right? Postmodernism sucks.
–Good Restaurant, Greenwich Ave
Guido: If Mike Rowe died and you were there… Like if he died from natural causes and just went to sleep and died… Would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Hmm, I mean, I don’t know, I’d have to like take a peek.
Guido: You mean you’d look at it?
Bitch: Yeah, maybe touch it.
Guido: But would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Roberto! It wouldn’t be hard!
Guido: But what if he got hard and then died… Would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Maybe, but like why do I need to do that when I can just… You know… Ohh nevermind.
Guido: Oohh because you’ll be doing all the work anyway? You could just buy a blow up doll.
Bitch: Exactly, so why do I need to hump Mike Rowe’s dead body?
–6 Train
Overheard by: wet willy
Tourist: This is New York. Nothing happens fast here.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Get out of my way – I’m in a hurry
Empowered shopper: I have a cart. I can go as slow as I want.
–Chelsea Whole Foods
Overheard by: and she did
Girl to friend, after introducing her boyfriend: It’s not that he’s slow. He just hesitates before answering because he’s thinking of movie quotes and stuff.
–515 Bar, 34th Street & 3rd Ave
Mom of fast-walking baby: YO YO! Slow your roll.
–Grand St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Alicia Van Couvering
Woman, while swiping metrocard: Gotta do it fast, just like a handjob.
–79th St Subway Station
Loud beeatch: Dammit, why you movin’ so slow? Don’t you know what city you’re in? Shit!
–42nd St & Madison
Overheard by: Jen
Conductor on PA: Attention, passengers. We have red signals ahead of us. Still working out the kinks. The good news is, once we get past Bergen, we’ll be back up to our normal speed. [pauses] which still isn’t too fast.
–F train
Overheard by: He ain’t kiddin’
Woman: Which is why Jessie shouldn’t be giving me this shit!
Man: She misses bonding time with her father.
Woman: Little fucking cuntsnot.
–Hunter College
