Bowling for Wednesday One-Liner

Drunk thug, reflecting on his baby-mama's new man: I love motherfuckin' guns, and that's the bottom line, but I don't wanna go to jail.

–Bar, Cortelyou Road

Boy to limping blonde struggling to keep up: Oh my god, if you were a horse I would shoot you.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: The Game

Father to two small children, pulling them away from the register: C'mon, guys. Let's go before mommy shoots herself.

–Forbidden Planet, 13th & Broadway

Loud black girl: It's Manhattan, I don't have to worry about getting shot.

–NYU

Guy on cell: Hey man, aren't you tired of being shot?

–Queens Center Mall

Posted on September 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Families, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Malls, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Only in New York, Parents, Prison, Queens, Questions, Shoot, Store, Suicide, The Village, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Don't Get Mad. Get Wednesday One-Liner.

Super gay dude to equally gay friend: You can tell she's mad when she starts using adjectives.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: liat

Angry black man to white man standing too close: Fool, whatcha think you're doin? You tryin' to get all up on me? You don't know what I could do. I could bust a cap in yo ass. I'm an angry black man!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Bex

Black man to Asian woman he's trying to hit on: Why won't you talk to me, baby? You still mad about the Korean war?

–145th & Broadway

Older woman on cell: Trixie, you have to stop kicking things when you get mad!

–40th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sean

Trampy Spanish girl to cranky Spanish guy: Why are you mad? It was just a blowjob, and he's your brother!

–West Village

Overheard by: Stifled A. Guffaw

Posted on September 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Asians, Ass, BJs, Black People, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kick, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Union Square and East Village, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, White People, Women, Words

80's Pop: The Universal Language

Black dude in deli, listening to Michael Jackson on radio: I can't hear another Michael Jackson song.
Arab guy behind counter: How old are you?
Black dude: 25.
Arab guy: See, I'm 37. When I was five, until 15, this was all that was playing.
(Billie Jean is now playing) “Don't go around breaking young girls' hearts!”
Black dude: Too late.

–Brooklyn

Posted on August 31, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Customers, Delis, Love, Music, Singing

…But How About a Smidge Darker, Like My Soul?

Cashier: What can I get for you?
Black woman: I'd like a bagel, toasted. Can you do that? (cashier looks confused) Ya know, like my skin? Really dark?
Cashier: Uh, sure.

–Bagel Express

Overheard by: can you do it like my skin to?

Posted on August 30, 2009
Black People, Cashiers, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Food, Offers and requests, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes

And, Also, That I Be White.

Asian teen to black friend: So my grandmother is making me learn Chinese. Does she not get that I don't wish to visit, let alone live, in China?! Like ever?
Black friend: I hear you loud and clear. Ever since Obama became President my granny has not stopped requesting that I birth her great grandchildren in Hawaii with a Kenyan diplomat.

–1 Train

Overheard by: well good luck to you

Posted on August 28, 2009
Asians, Black People, Family Ties, Friends, Languages, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, President, Questions, Race, Stupidity, Teens, Travel, Wishes & desires

Well, One Could.

Sassy black tourist girl: Excuse me, you seen an ATM?
Security guard: (silence)
Sassy black tourist girl: I said, any of y'all seen an ATM?
Woman using ATM: Um, these are ATMs.
Sassy black tourist girl: Oh shoot, you could get money outta that?

–Chase, Broadway & Spring

Posted on August 28, 2009
Bank, Black People, Money & Class, Questions, Security Guards, Soho, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists

Does She Got a Number?

20-something black guy: Daaamn girl, you got a number?
Teenage black girl, pushing stroller: I got a baby.

–Bed-Stuy

Posted on August 23, 2009
Babies, Black People, Brooklyn, Guys, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Teens

But at Least They're Not All Alcoholics, Like the Native Americans.

Queer: I hate Mexicans, first they jump our borders, then they don't even attempt to speak English.
Tan chick: Fo' reals! I've met some that have been here their entire lives and never bothered to learn English.
Crazy man: Oh my god! Why do you have to be so goddam racist all the time!?
Tan chick: What? I was just making a point, goddammit, I am Mexican!
(five minutes later)
Black lady: Yo! D'shaun! Get yo' ass over here nigga!
Crazy man: I hate black people! They're so goddamn loud, they need to shut up!

–L Train

Overheard by: shocked

Posted on August 17, 2009
Black People, Crazies, Foreigners, Girls, Gripes, Insults, KKK, Language Barrier, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Race

In Case You Weren't a Classics Major…

Black teenage girl #1: They're always fighting and everything! Bunch of sorry-ass boyfriends we got!
Black teenage girl #2: Like they all proud of their scars 'n shit.
Black teenage girl #3: I think we oughtta do the Lysistrata thing!
Black teenage girl #1: Say what?
Black teenage girl #3: (whispers something to friend)
Black teenage girl #1: Oh, I could never do that!

–Downtown 2 Train

Posted on August 16, 2009
Black People, Fighting and ass kicking, Gender issues, Insults, On the Subway, Relationships, Sex, Teens, Theater & Dance

That Would Be a Great Name for an All-Male Revue

Young white guy to sweating black FedEx delivery man in elevator: Wow, it's really hot outside, no?
Sweating black FedEx man: Man, it's a brotisserie.

–78th St & Madison Ave

Posted on August 14, 2009
Black People, Clerks, Heat, Questions, Upper East Side, Weirdness, White People, Words

Black People

In Case You Weren't a Classics Major…